


Aurora Borealis

by jaeyongficfest, wirramirra



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Artists, Depression, Falling In Love, First Time, JaeYong - Freeform, Long Shot, M/M, Medical Kink, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide, Swearing, Therapy, Trauma, Violence, mentions of sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 19:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21184484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeyongficfest/pseuds/jaeyongficfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wirramirra/pseuds/wirramirra
Summary: Jaehyun, a young psychiatrist, gets hired by a rich couple to help their isolated and depressed son back to normal life. Taeyong is a 22 year old misdiagnosed savant who prefers to beat his therapists up instead of talking to them. Despite considering Jaehyun to be one of the worst therapists he ever had, there's something about the man's unusual approach that makes Taeyong eventually open up...





	1. Session 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a trained psychiatrist or a psychologist. In this short period of time I haven't had time to go deeper into the clinical aspect of it. This comes with some trigger warnings, please check them out. I hope you have patience to read it to the end, I promise it's worth it :)

A tall, caramel haired man in his late twenties rang the doorbell of a posh house one particularly rainy Tuesday morning in the outskirts of Daujeon. Despite his umbrella his hair had gotten moist, now clinging to his skull and erasing the feel of professionalism his usually carefully styled hair had emitted earlier the same morning. His moccasins were soaking wet, too. Gross.   
  
He flinched when the heavy door suddenly opened, and he was met by an elegant black haired woman in her fifties, wearing a sharp pencil skirt and a high necked blouse.   
  
"Yes?" She asked, scanning the young man from head to toe.   
  
"Good morning, Mrs. Lee. I'm Dr. Jung Jaehyun"  
  
The woman raised an eyebrow and looked dubiously at Jaehyun.  
  
"Ehm, I'm the psychiatrist, from the University. I was scheduled to have the first appointment with your son today"   
  
Realization spread over the woman's face. She was definitely beautiful, despite her lines around her huge eyes. "Oh. I was expecting someone older. But sure, come on in, I'm sorry you had to wait in the rain". She stepped aside and let Jaehyun in.   
  
Jaehyun bowed and took off his shoes in the entry before following the woman inside the house. It was such a big house... At least three stories tall - nothing like the one Jaehyun's middle class family used to live in. Not to mention the tiny apartment he rented in the city center – Though he didn't need space either, since he only used the apartment for sleeping and watching basket from the television. The rest of his time he spent working or doing research at the university, really. The friends he had used to hang out at the university as well, so they didn't really need to go anywhere else.   
Mrs. Lee let him hang off his coat in the hall before leading him to the dining room, where a slim man was eating breakfast and reading a newpaper, clad in a perfectly tailored suit. He looked like he had a stick up his ass, Jaehyun thought, as he bowed deeply for the man he assumed was Mrs. Lee's husband.   
  
"The psychiatrist from the University hospital is here" Mrs. Lee said.   
  
"Mr. Lee, I'm pleased to meet you too" Jaehyun said, still bowing.   
  
"Welcome to our home, Mr. Jung. You already met my wife, she’s the one who runs the house, haha. You're a little early, but that's good, I like punctuality" The man said, and Jaehyun took it as a cue to straighten his back.   
  
He didn't know the Lee family from before, but his boss had told him that they owned a successful retail business from which they had earned a small fortune. Both Mrs. Lee and Mr. Lee were actively working in the business, travelling around the country to supervise the branches of the company.  
  
Mrs. Lee showed him to the table and asked him to sit down. A house maid came in with tea in some of the most beautiful porcelain cups he had ever seen.   
  
"Is your son going to join us as well?" Jaehyun asked as he picked up his notebook from his leather bag. He was happy to find the paper dry, despite the dampness of his bag.   
  
Mrs. Lee glanced in Mr. Lee's direction.   
  
"Well, we thought it's better if we talk with you first" Mr. Lee said hesitantly.   
  
Jaehyun looked at him a little puzzled. "Okay, of course". He wasn't completely sure what kind of a nutcase his boss had put on his duty list. The only thing he knew was that the Lee family youngest had some behavioral issues that his parents were worried about and needed some counseling for.   
  
Mr. Lee cleared his throat. "Well. Yes, we called you here since we need some help with our son, Taeyong. I don't know if you've got access to his papers, but to make a long story short, as a child he... he..." The man hesitated and looked at his wife who shook his head slightly. "He unfortunately suffered from a traumatic experience. After that, he ... well, he struggled somewhat... The doctor's talked about post-traumatic stress syndrome interfering with his development and eventually he was diagnosed with conduct disorder and something similar to Asperger’s, the latter something that he of course probably had from before" Mr. Lee looked at Mrs. Lee who nodded eagerly "but it just got a whole lot more complicated with his behavioral issues..."  
  
"Then we went through a few years of therapy and eventually he grew up to be a decent kid, just a year behind in school compared to children his age. He had some problems with making friends and following rules but he managed to pass all his exams without further struggles. Then three years ago, he got accepted into an art school"  
  
"He does hyperrealism, if you're familiar" Mrs. Lee pointed out.  
  
Jaehyun wasn't familiar with it but wrote it still down.   
  
"But just a little after that his sister moved out to live with her husband. Taeyong, he ... he was very close with his sister. She was always there to support him and encourage him, and I think she was only one he relied on. But when she decided to move out-"   
  
"He went bat shit crazy!!" Mrs. Lee bawled, earning a stern look from her husband.   
  
"He got psychotic?" Jaehyun asked carefully.   
  
"We don't know. But something inside his brain just... snapped! " Mr. Lee was making big gestures with his hands.   
  
"At first, he refused to leave his room for half a year. He stopped talking, basically shutting the whole world out to play video games all night long. He didn't even talk to his sister. Then he started drawing again, and we guess he fell into a depression. Me and my wife were travelling a lot, so unfortunately he had to be home alone for long periods of time too. Twice we came home to an empty home. He had... Uhm..." Mr. Lee paused since his wife had started sobbing. "He tried to take his life at least three times but was luckily found by either passerby’s or our house maid. Anyway, at the hospital, they got him on meds again, and slowly his condition stabilized"  
  
Jaehyun could see the house maid eaves-dropping from the kitchen, but he didn't reveal her. It wasn't like she wasn't aware of the things going on in the house. And furthermore, Taeyong's case didn't seem to be all that bad. High functioning autist, mentally still in the stages of a revolting teenager, losing all sense of self-worth after being abandoned by his only true social contact, which in this case was his sister. Nothing unheard of, so to speak.  
  
"The problem is that he still refuses to leave his room - Apparently he thinks he has everything he needs in there. If we don't bring him food he'll just starve himself... He barely speaks to us. We know he occasionally messages his sister, but with us, well... he listens and acknowledges us but is never bothered to answer"  
  
"He doesn't care! He’s 22 years old and doesn't care about anything. He's a disgrace to our family name" Mrs. Lee vails.   
  
Mr. Lee sighs and gets up from the dinner table, straightening his tie. "It's hard enough to run a nationwide business, but seeing my wife suffer like this because of our boy's stubbornness... It's a shame, really. A shame for our family"  
  
_It's not stubbornness, you fool, it's a mental disease, made worse by the lack of love and presence... Where were you when he tried to kill himself? __  
_  
Obviously Jaehyun didn't say that out loud. They were both probably very loving parents. Probably.   
  
"Please, make him normal again!" Mrs. Lee begged.   
  
_Oh, I will. ___  
  
  
  


After a quick smoke out on the porch Jaehyun went up to meet his client for the first time. As Mr. Lee had warned him, despite knocking there wouldn't be anyone opening or replying from inside the room. So after having waited for a few seconds, Jaehyun blatantly pulled the door handle down and walked in. 

The room was cold, as the air-conditioning was turned to max despite it still being spring. 

Jaehyun's eyes instantly got caught by heaps of huge sheets of white paper spread out all over the floor. At first he thought they were some kind of black and white educational posters, until he saw the neatly arranged row of markers and realized the pictures were in fact impeccably precise drawings. There were pictures of horses, dogs, birds... All anatomically correct to the smallest hair. Two single pictures were hanged up next to the bed. One was a portrait of a young, very beautiful girl looking straight at the viewer, while the other a portrait of an older man doing an awfully repelling grimace. The girl looked like a younger version of Mrs. Lee, but the man didn't share much resemblance to her husband. Jaehyun found it odd. 

Aside from the pictures on the floor the room was neat and tidy; the bed was made so strictly it reminded Jaehyun of his time in the military. 

And in the corner of the room was a set of three different computer screens with one very intimidating boy staring straight into his soul. 

"I..." 

Jaehyun couldn't even begin his sentence. 

The boy sitting by the desk was nothing from this world. Coal black eyes, huge like a doll's, went up and down Jaehyun's body, scanning every inch of him like he was some kind of data he could store on a disc. He had thick, silver gray hair, long enough to reach his shoulders, but now pushed back with a neat row of bobby pins. Thick, sharp eyebrows framed his otherwise delicate face, with a small nose and plump, red lips and a round chin. A black turtle neck and black jeans covered his thin frame. 

Jaehyun tried to say something, but his mouth felt like a desert. 

The boy in front of him was stunning. Cold and beautiful like a winter's night, completely untouchable, distant like the auroras of the northern skies. Never had he been this fascinated and afraid of a client at the same time. Client... Right. He completely forgot Lee Taeyong was supposed to be his client. 

Jaehyun gathered himself. "Hello, my n-" 

"Your hair is wet" the boy said with a soft voice. 

Jaehyun got startled and run a hair through his hand. 

"Uhm, yeah, it was raining" The boy watched Jaehyun's hand move through his hair but his expression didn't change. 

Jaehyun looked around the room for a place to sit. The bed was too well made to be ruined by sitting on, so he eventually just settled with walking around the room restlessly. He cleared his voice and tried again. 

"My name is Jung Jaehyun, I'm a psychiatrist. I'm here so that we can get to know each other" 

The boy's eyes were still fixed on Jaehyun and he could totally see why his parents called him scary. 

"I am Lee Taeyong" the boy turned his head back to the computer screen. "And I don't need to get to know you. Bye" 

He started playing some mindless first person shooter game as he turned his back to Jaehyun. 

"You don't. But I will get to know you" 

The boy didn't answer, but continued playing the game. 

Jaehyun sat down onto the floor and picked up some sheets of paper for closer examinations. The drawings were in fact made with a marker, which meant there wasn't any room for a single error, and still they were ridiculously detailed with the straightest lines he’d ever seen a human draw. "Art school, huh?" 

Taeyong didn't move an inch. 

Jaehyun thought it was better to just start talking then _ . I mean, _ that's what he gets paid for, after all. 

"I don't know what therapists you're used to but I'm not gonna force you to talk. I don't really care, since you're just a client and I'm allowed to fail, but I'm still gonna do my best to get to know you so that you won't have to endure five other guys paid by your parents trying to get you to open up"

Jaehyun took a marker and started to doodle on a clean sheet of paper. He wasn't good at drawing but whatever. Maybe he’d catch his interest. 

"I think I'm gonna draw a picture of you. Prepare to be amazed" Jaehyun said laconically. 

Taeyong flinched but continued to look at the screen, ignoring the stranger in his room. 

Jaehyun was intrigued. He didn't seem bad at all. Some clients he had would already have tried to beat him up for invading their personal space and touching their things. 

The room was quiet apart from the frenetic clicking sound made by Taeyong's keyboard. Five minutes of silence later, Jaehyun was done with his stupid drawing. 

"I'm done. Wow. It's beautiful. A masterpiece, if I say it myself" 

The boy didn't turn around. He kept hitting the tab button, shooting whatever he was shooting. 

"c'mon, look" Jaehyun tried and lifted up the doodle for Taeyong to see. It was a quite ridiculous stickman with shiny hair and big eyes in front of a computer that looked more like a fridge. Jaehyun took the liberty to draw a dog next to him, wondering if the boy used to have pets before, considering the amount of animal themed drawings. 

"I'll tell your parents to turn the Wifi off if you don't look" 

Taeyong turned aggressively around and glared at Jaehyun.  _ He'a just an overgrown child.  _

Not even once did his eyes go down to look at the drawing as they never stopped staring Jaehyun straight in the eye. 

"It's the worst drawing I've ever seen" he said coldly, keeping intense eye contact. 

"You didn't even look, you're staring at me" 

Taeyong grimaced and glanced down at the picture for a second. 

"See? Beautiful" 

The silver haired boy frowned and turned back to stare at his computer. 

"You don't appreciate art?" Jaehyun teased. 

"No" the other answered. 

"How did you get into art school then" 

Taeyong kept shooting mindlessly. 

_ He's not bad.  _

Jaehyun got up and went to place the drawing up on the wall next to the two other portraits.

"Why did you quit artschool Taeyong-ah? I can see you have some talent. Maybe not as good as mine but I guess with a few years of training... " he teased. 

"I don't care about art school" Taeyong answered. 

"You don't care about education?" 

"No" 

"So you're gonna work in some fast-food joint for the rest of your life? No judging here though, I eat fast-food all the time... " 

"It doesn't matter" 

"What doesn't matter?" 

"Everything" 

"Why?" God he loved to annoy his clients. 

Taeyong paused the game and turned around. 

"What?" 

"What what" Jaehyun said and tilted his head. 

Black eyes burned a hole in the older's skull. Jaehyun couldn't read his face as it was emotionless in contrast to his voice that had a certain annoyance around it. 

"You're the shittiest therapist I've ever had" 

"You acknowledged me as your therapist, success!" Jaehyun said and made a small happy jump with a fake smile plastered on his face. He was pretty satisfied though - Mr. Lee said that most therapists gave up after one session since Taeyong simply refused to talk with them. So either their son happened to be in an incredibly good mood or then he had found a liking for the young psychiatrist. Might be that he just found him way too irritating to just ignore - whatever it was, Jaehyun felt pleased with himself. Taeyong’s mouth twitched when the deep dimples on Jaehyun's cheeks made their appearance. 

"So, tell me, Mr. Lee. What's so amazing about this room that you don't wanna leave?" Jaehyun said and looked around the neat room with its high ceilings. 

Taeyong stared at him for a few seconds longer before turning around to continue his game in silence. Jaehyun supposed he had to continue with his original plan, which was to provoke the shit out of him. Obviously that was something a therapist should never ever do - but that's also why Jaehyun was kind of special in his field of work. 

"Maybe your bed is comfortable? I bet it is. I assume you don't mind if I lie down? No? Nice" Jaehyun tried carefully, before throwing himself in his semi-damp clothes onto the bed. It was indeed quite soft and had a thick, thick mattress in that American style. It wouldn't surprise him if the boy still slept in his chair instead. 

He sighed happily and crossed his arms behind his head. Taeyong was hitting tab relentlessly. 

"Well, I can't get to know you by force, but I can force you to get know me, unless you leave this room which I doubt you will. I also took your headphones, if you're looking for them where you left them on the floor. So. Close your ears, because I'm gonna tell you my story" 

Jaehyun liked to talk. He was an eccentric therapist to say the least, since he often talked more than his clients. But he believed in offering his heart of a plate for the other to take it, and if they did, he knew there was hope of healing.  
  
Jaehyun’s upbringing hadn’t been a dance on roses either. Being brought up as an only child, he was used to get everything his way, which eventually led to lack of discipline and plain douchebaggery in elementary school. Since Jaehyun had always been a smart student he easily got bored during class, leading to restless behavior in middle school. Eventually he started hanging out with this gang of boys doing all kinds of foul stunts - beating up other kids, shoplifting, skipping school (Jaehyun never skipped exam's though since his parents used to give him money if he got a high grade) - all kinds of useless shit. In high school, his grades started to drop as he spent just more and more time with his gang. He had a girlfriend too and earned some reputation on the streets due to his wit and good looks. Life was kinda good. They smoked, they drank, played basketball, his girlfriend left him for university in Japan, _bitch (_Well the truth was that Jaehyun knew already then that he wasn’t really interested in girls, so she left as she got bored of his disinterest), they drank some more.   
  
Until one day when he heard that his best friend, also a member from the gang, had committed suicide by overdosing on a mix of opioids and benzodiazepines he had stolen from his grandmother. 

"He was like the brother I never had" Jaehyun said somberly. He noticed how Taeyong had stopped hitting the tab button on his keyboard. Either he was listening, or reading some in-game storyline. 

"But I never realized... it never even crossed my mind that he was sick. Depressed"    
  
His friend had left him a letter. A beautiful letter he found a few weeks later in between a book that he had borrowed from Jaehyun. Jaehyun had realized that all the clues had been there all the time, right in his face, but he never realized the other's agony because he was just way too occupied with his own personal battles of cursing his ex-girlfriend spreading rumors about him or seeing his favorite basket-team lose an important match.    
  
As a last request, his friend and asked Jaehyun not to fuck up his life. He described in his letter how he had always felt jealousy against Jaehyun's girlfriend, wishing they'd break up. Despite it not being his fault, the guilt he felt when they eventually broke up was too much and he decided to distance himself from his best friend. He later realized that Jaehyun didn't deserve that kind of treatment on his behalf, so he therefore felt obligated to apologize to Jaehyun for not opening up. 

_ "I wish for you to live the happy life I never had, I promise, I'll watch your every step from above. Please don't waste the precious life you’ve got, I already have given mine and that's enough of a punishment for me. Let me see a splendid world of love and understanding through your eyes, and when we've seen all we ever need we'll meet again in the afterlife. Don't fuck it up Jaehyun. I loved you, my brother. I love you, my friend" _ _   
_ __   
"What was his name?" Taeyong suddenly asked.    
  
Jaehyun got startled. He was almost dozing off into nostalgia, completely forgetting about the other highly suicidal man in the room. 

"Huh? Oh, Youngho"    
  
Youngho. Losing him was the end of Jaehyun's life as he knew it then too. He quit the gang and never reached out to the other members. After mourning for two months he went back to school, worked hard, got accepted into med school and earned his degree in record time. He dedicated his life to his studies and his work, only going home to sleep or to watch basket. Occasionally, he visited his paren-

"Basket? Really?" Taeyong said confusedly, once again staring at Jaehyun. The older dared to meet his eyes, instantly feeling trapped by his strong gaze.   
  
"Do you care enough about basket to have an opinion about it?" Jaehyun threw back at him.   
  
Taeyong blinked and shut his mouth. He swiped away a strand of hair from his face and turned back to his computer, continuing to play his stupid game.   
  
"HAH! Got you, didn't I?" Jaehyun said cheerfully. "No but it's true. I love basket. In fact, I plan my days around it" He watched Taeyong's broad shoulders from behind, hitting the same button as before. The screen seemed oddly still though. A thought crossed Jaehyun’s mind, and he jumped off the bed.   
  
He was just a meter away from Taeyong's chair when he noticed the younger tensing up.   
  
"Don't come closer" He said.   
  
Too late. Jaehyun had already figured it out. The older crossed his arms before walking closer despite the other's warning.   
  
"I know that you're actually just pretending to play. You've been hitting tab while in pause mode. Why would you-"... He was almost standing next to the other when he felt a ruthless grip around his throat. With the element of surprise on his side Taeyong threw Jaehyun against the floor, still having a hand pressing tightly around his throat. Jaehyun tried to scream for help but the sound he made came out as a pathetic gargle. Taeyong's hand was surprisingly strong, and didn't budge despite Jaehyun digging his nails into the younger's thinner wrist.   
  
The scariest part was not the feeling of suffocation, but the way the boy stared at him; intensely and penetratingly like he wanted to suck out his soul through his eye sockets. The rest of his face was completely calm, dead like a beautiful mannequin’s - only the side of his mouth twitched the slightest.   
  
"Don't pretend to be my friend. I don't care the slightest about your stupid stories. I wouldn’t care if I accidentally killed you now. It doesn't matter. Life as you know it doesn't matter" He said slowly. Around the time Jaehyun started seeing stars in Taeyong's silver hair the younger finally released him.   
  
With a gargle he rolled around onto his knees, holding his throat and gasping for air. A few drops of salty tears fell down onto the floor. _Bloody hell. _From the corner of his eye he saw Taeyong sitting down in front of his computer, this time actually playing the game  
  
Jaehyun crawled up to sit against the wall, inhaling and exhaling heavily to raise the saturation of oxygen in his blood. His mind raced alongside the rapid beating of his heart. It wasn't the first time a client had attacked him, or, as in Taeyong's case, used some kind of self-defense when he felt too threatened by Jaehyun's proximity. But the fear that Taeyong's eyes managed to evoke in every cell of Jaehyun’s body was something he'd never felt before. There was something so obscure hidden in those deep pools of black that Jaehyun couldn't even begin to wrap his head around it.   
  
"_Life as you know it, _you said... How do you know life then?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
"I do not know life. ‘I’ don't exist. ‘You’ don't even exist. If a cell is a cell, and two cells are two cells, why does 30 trillion cells suddenly make up a "me?" . We're just a system built on high functioning cell colonies, but in order to motivate us to function as a single unit our brains are trying to trick us into believing there’s some kind of a soul, a "me-identity" that makes us different from all the other bodies consisting of the exact same shit as you and me. Life… There is none. Only existing. So why should I care about what I do with my so called "life"? The sentiment my parents feel are just signals fired by their neurons, nothing more"  
  
Jaehyun got up to stand, still feeling slightly dizzy from the lack of air.   
  
"So is hatred. The hatred you feel is also just a meaningless signal"   
  
Taeyong paused the game quite aggressively, before turning to look at Jaehyun again.   
  
"Hatred?" He jumped down from his chair and walked up to Jaehyun slowly. The older flinched as he expected continued strangulation or maybe a hit in the face or his guts. He knew he wasn't allowed to use force against the boy in any way - he was still his client, and he'd lose his license for sure if he even crooked a hair on the boy's pretty head.   
  
Taeyong came so close to Jaehyun he could feel his breath against his skin. He noticed that the silver haired man was shorter than himself as he had to angle his face up to stare Jaehyun into the eyes, exposing his chiseled jawline. Jaehyun concluded is was better to just shut up and stay still and let the boy speak.   
  
"I don't feel hatred. I do not feel, Jung Jaehyun" he whispered, nose just an inch away from Jaehyun's upper lip.   
  
Jaehyun couldn't help but study his face. His lashes were long and dark like a girl’s, making a tantalizing combination together with his sensual lips and their well-defined cupid’s bow. He looked like poison humanized, sucking Jaehyun in like the most powerful drug.   
  
The spell was broken when Taeyong's computed beeped. The boy turned around and went to sit down at his desk for the third time or something like that, back straight and elegant, just the way his mother carried herself too.   
  
Relief washed over Jaehyun as he let out a deep exhale. Okay. Enough for today. Jaehyun gathered his stuff and took a quick glance at the lousy drawing he had hanged on the wall. Even the drawing seemed more sinister after Taeyong's Potteresque act of soul sucking.   
  
He walked to the door and bowed slightly in the boy's direction.   
"It was nice to meet you, mr. Lee. Unfortunately, we'll meet again" 

Without getting a reply he opened the door and stepped out into the safety of the hallway. His shaky legs hadn't managed to take him very far before he heard the door open behind him, and to his surprise he found Taeyong peeking out through the door with the familiar, cold expression of his.    
  
"Wait" he said.    
  
Jaehyun fingered nervously at the hem of his coat as he watched the beautiful boy seemingly struggling to find the right words. When he finally opened his mouth, his eyes softened just the slightest, and for the first time that morning Jaehyun could see how young he truly was. What could have happened to this innocent boy in his past to make him this forlorn?   
  
"Was Youngho in love with you?"    
  
_ So he does feel.  _ _   
_


	2. Session 2

Jaehyun didn't tell Taeyong's parents about having been assaulted. Obviously they must have known about his violent tendencies, but Jaehyun decided not to be mad at them for not telling him. It was a part of the job to have to deal with these unstable people, so. 

Said parents weren't even home when the therapist-of-sort came in for a second session a few days later. He still had some bruising around his neck so he had been forced to wear a scarf the whole week. Luckily it was still kind of cold outside so no-one at work had questioned his choice of fashion. 

"They're out of town" the housemaid said timidly as she let Jaehyun inside the house. She watched him curiously under her thick bangs. She couldn't be more than 20 years old, Jaehyun concluded. 

"Oh, when will they be back?" 

"I can't say. They could be gone for a few weeks. Since Mr. Taeyong got worse they've tried to be home more than before, though. When he was younger, they were hardly home at all. My mother ran the household back then."   
  
Well that explains a lot. 

She walked him up to his client’s room. 

"Mr.Taeyong, Mr. Jung is here for your appointm-... What are you doing??" the maid shrieked as she opened the door to his room. 

Taeyong was sitting cross-legged on the room in his pajamas, a low buzzing sound filling the quiet space around him. His feet were covered with long silvery locks as Taeyong had started shaving the area around his right ear. 

The buzzing sound made by the electric shaver stopped when Taeyong saw his visitors. Jaehyun noticed his eyes widening a little in recognition when he saw the tall psychiatrist by the door, wearing casual jeans and a white t-shirt. 

"Why the f... Why does he have an electric shaver?" 

"Uhm, Mr. Lee gave it to him a few days ago... Said he wanted to shave since he was having a new therapist" the maid said awkwardly, hiding behind Jaehyun's back like she was afraid of the man. 

"That's literally giving a freaking razor blade to a suicidal person. Jesus" Completely appalled by such mistreatment of an unstable person, Jaehyun walked up to Taeyong and reached out his hand. "Give me that" 

Taeyong glared at him with his usual stare and emotionless expression but ended up handing the shaver over to Jaehyun. 

Then latter knelt down next to him to check that he hadn't managed to hurt himself. 

Taeyong flinched visibly when Jaehyun touched his shoulder, but he didn’t protest like the last time when Jaehyun walked up too close. 

The boy had managed to shave a messy part around his ear up to his temple. Jaehyun sighed by the look of it - it was kind of awful, but probably savable considering his long hair on top hid head. 

"Oh dear, your pretty hair..." The maid wailed. 

"I needed to cut my hair" Taeyong said monotonously.

Jaehyun turned the shaver on, most certain about the fact that he might be able to make a subtle undercut out of the mess the boy had made. 

"I'm sure Yeonha here could arrange for a hairdresser to come visit you. You need scissors, not a shaver. But stay still now, I'll make this look cool" 

The maid went down to book a hairdresser as Jaehyun quietly smoothed out the irregular edges on Taeyong's scalp. The boy didn't protest at all when Jaehyun grabbed his head to stabilize him. Ten minutes later of silent concentration he was done, satisfied with how he managed to save most of his hair above his right temple. The top part of his hair was so long it covered the cut completely if swiped to the side. It looked pretty trendy, to be fair. 

"Done! I gotta say I'm pretty damn proud of myself. I'm quite the artiste" Jaehyun said with a wide grin. The other man didn't move a fin, as expected. 

Jaehyun got up to his feet and walked up to the mirror. He was genuinely excited; last time he styled someone's hair was during his gang years in high school and the fashion back then was definitely nothing worth looking at. 

"Come on, come check it out!" 

Taeyong sat still like a doll on the floor, staring at the wall with dead eyes. The accidental haircut really suited him with his severe eyebrows and sharp features, and if he wasn't Jaehyun's client he would definitely find his look attractive; A kind of sexy sad, whatever that even meant. 

"You look really handsome I swear, but don’t kill me if you don’t like it, haha..." he tried, still earning no reactions 

There was something incredibly sad about the boy. When he didn’t suck every dark secret of your soul through your eyes, his gaze was empty, somber and completely unaffected by anything. Despite what happened last time Jaehyun had decided not to be afraid of the boy - he was troubled and hurt and somewhat eerie, but not scary. 

_ I need to crack him open. Tear down his walls to build him up again. But where to start _ ? 

Jaehyun noticed the that the lousy picture he had drawn was still hanging on the wall. It had been straightened and placed next to the two other portraits. Was it the maid or...? 

"Who are these people?" 

The girl was beautiful. She had the same sad eyes as Taeyong, but an energetic glow that spoke of strength and dignity. She had been drawn by someone who loved her, not by an indifferent savant whose kind Taeyong portrayed himself to be. It couldn’t be anyone else than his sister - the picture alone was proof that her brother wasn't a psychopath. 

"Is it your sister?" 

Jaehyun turned to look at the boy who had moved back to sit by his computer desk. His computer wasn't even turned on. 

"Taeyong?" 

Sigh. 

"Okay, I'm just gonna chill here" Jaehyun said and threw himself on the bed once again. “I thought we could talk for a bit”. Eventually he might feel safe enough around him to open up, because the thing that Taeyong needed was someone he could trust, someone who wouldn't leave him for a husband and a new job in another town until he was strong enough to survive on his own. 

"I know that an autist remains an autist whatever we do, but we can help people like you to learn to cope with everyday life despite your restrictions. We can help you learn to mold the world around you to fit YOU, and not the other way around. But for me to be able to help you, I need to know you, feel the same thing you feel, see the world with your eyes. I can work with crumbs too, regardless of how incoherent they are. The key is to face all the things that trouble you one step at a time, and I'll be here next to you at all that time, picking you up when and if you fall. I'm not in a rush anywhere since your parents are paying me well, so take all the time in the world, but when you're ready-"

"Fuck you I'm not an autist"

The boy had finally opened his pretty pouty mouth.

"Huh?" Jaehyun crossed his arms behind his neck and looked in his client's direction. "Please, elaborate, this is just what your parents told me"

"Because of a generally fucked up early childhood I developed something like a schizoid personality but still got labeled into the Asperger box due to my photographic memory, which is just pure bullshit. I'm not autist. I know how people and social relationships work. I just. Don't. Care. About those things." The sharpness of his voice surprised Jaehyun, who concluded this was probably the longest sentence he had heard him say so far.    
  
"Well that makes sense, actually. Schizoid, you say. Apathy, willingly excluding oneself from social interaction, unable to enjoy life, asexuality... Suits you like a glove, indeed" Jaehyun fingercombed his thick curls and looked at the ceiling. "However, those are also common symptoms of depression, for example. I'd say you're chronically depressed, and if we specify it, melancholically depressed. You're on Aripiprazole and Moclobemide right? It's a good combo, but nowhere near to make it right"   
  
Jaehyun took Taeyong's silence as an affirmation.    
  
"To be fair, I didn't get the autistic vibe of you either. So thank you for telling me."    
  
The room fell silent again as Jaehyun dived down into his own pool of thoughts. A thorough read-trough of Taeyong's pharmacological history was surely needed. He also needed to make up a strategy of how to get through to the silver haired man. It wouldn't be as hard as he predicted if his problems regarding communication in truth were caused by apathy and depression and not by a neurodevelopmental disorder. Furthermore, he might-   
  
"This is the weirdest therapy I've ever experienced" Taeyong suddenly said, staring intensely at Jaehyun who was lying way too comfortably on his client’s bed.    
  
Jaehyun's heart skipped a beat. He got through - Taeyong initiated discussion.    
  
He cleared his throat as tried to hide his excitement. "Well, if you want to talk about your feelings and all that stuff, feel free. I'm also dying to ask you like a hundred questions. But after hearing how at least three of my colleagues gave up on you I kinda got the impression that traditional discussion based methods doesn't work for you that well"   
  
"No"   
  
"That's what I thought. But you know what? I'm gonna ask you a question anyway". Jaehyun got up from his lying position on the bed and got himself seated on the edge across Taeyong, who was still being the lone participate in the world's most intense staring game. Jaehyun flushed and crumbled after just 30 seconds of looking into Taeyong's cool eyes and therefore settled with just observing his body language instead. Which was also kind of nonexistent, for the record.    
  
"What about the outside world is so frightening that you cannot leave your room?"   
  
"Nothing"   
  
"Okay - Let me guess, now you say that you don't care about the outside world, right?"   
  
Taeyong glared at him and grabbed a book from his desk, throwing it as hard as he could against Jaehyun. The older wasn't quick enough to react and ended up being hit by the hardback in his shoulder. He winced from blunt pain, but chose to ignore it - he didn't want his client to win this stupid game.    
  
"Right. I see you don't care about literature either. Anyway, please let me paraphrase the thing I said earlier; what is it that makes you CARE so much about spending all your time inside this room?" The younger tilted his head and looked questioning at Jaehyun. Just as adorable as he was malicious. "I mean, if you didn't care about whether you're in this room or not, you'd probably be okay with meeting me at my office instead of here. But since that's out the question, there must be something that makes you think this room, or specially, being in this room, is important"   
  
"I guess you're right"    
  
Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. "The world is a scary place, Taeyong. There's loads of shit people everywhere trying to make your life difficult. But that's a part of the game, you know. Wouldn't your computer game be awfully boring too if there were no traps and bad guys to fight against?"   
  
"My computer game ain't real. They can't physically or mentally hurt me"    
  
"Who's gonna hurt you then?" Jaehyun asked with some distress. The boy had apparently not been out of his room for God knows how long. Maybe he had gotten into some trouble in art school around the same time as his sister moved out? "Did someone hurt you in school?"    
  
The silver haired boy shook his head slowly, still maintaining a fierce eye contact. Jaehyun concluded he spoke the truth - but then again, he might have learnt how to be manipulative.    
  
The portrait of the girl on the wall suddenly caught Jaehyun's interest.    
  
His sister.    
  
He knew that she obviously hadn't been attending the same schools as Taeyong due to their age difference, but considering how close they'd been he had probably talked about his struggles with her. She had been his rock when he needed comfort, a safe haven in the home where his parents were constantly absent.    
  
Taeyong probably didn't have other friends. So when she left to another city, the boy ended up alone with no-one to share his worries with.    
  
When Jaehyun looked back at the younger boy, he could see how he too was glancing at the portrait on the wall.  _ So I was right _ .    
  
"Taeyong. I promise, no-one will hurt you. I do not know what has happened to you in your past, but I'll personally make sure it won't happen again"    
  
The other suddenly burst out in a bizarre laughter. He laughed inwards in a way that made it look like he was going to asphyxiate, something that normally would be seen as quite endearing. But considering the seriousness of their situation the laughter felt off, causing the hair in the back of Jaehyun's neck to stand up.    
  
Taeyong suddenly got up and walked up to Jaehyun sitting at the edge of his bed. His eyes radiated something manic as his laughter stilled to a tight lipped smile plastered on his doll-like face. He stopped right in front of the young psychiatrist, and reached out his hand to grab the other one's chin. Jaehyun flinched by the contact, anticipating a blow between his eyes, but when it didn't come, he dared to look up at his client. Taeyong was watching him with heavy lidden eyes, stripping Jaehyun off all dignity. Suddenly he felt the hot touch of his right thumb pressing down on his bottom lip, and for once Taeyong dropped the eye contact to look down at Jaehyun's mouth instead. Jaehyun felt his ears redden just by how filthily the boy looked at him - he probably didn't even know what power he held with his stellar looks and natural charisma. Jaehyun forgot to breathe when the pad of the thumb glided slowly across his lip.    
  
"You're the shittiest therapist I've ever had" He said pitifully.    
  
_ It's something about him _ . He knew he was blushing as the touch burned his skin, and he couldn’t help it when his mouth fell slightly open as he gasped discretely for air. The boy was creeping up under his skin, taking him into control just by a simple touch and a sultry gaze under long, dark eyelashes.  _ He's manipulating me, that's what the likes of him do. He'll eventually take advantage of me and my authority if I budge even the slightest to his will.  _ Jaehyun swallowed hard as he noticed the boy biting his own lip, making his red, glistening skin a shade darker. But despite his timeless beauty and theatrical demeanor Taeyong's intensity made him terrifying.   
  
Jaehyun's eyes widened in realization. It's a trick.    
He grabbed Taeyong's wrist firmly and pulled the hand off his face. The other's eyes shot open as he shut his mouth and backed off. Suddenly, he didn't look intimidating at all - mostly surprised, maybe a bit dumbfounded.    
Their height difference got obvious when Jaehyun decided to stand up. Finally it felt like he could take control of the situation again as the younger had to look up a little to be able to meet Jaehyun’s eyes. 

Taeyong was simply trying to manipulate Jaehyun just how he'd probably manipulated several therapists before him. Falling for his foul tricks wasn’t an option unless he wanted to tell Mr. and Mrs. Lee that he had failed to get through to the boy.    
  
"You know what? I think it's time for a smoke." Jaehyun said tightly, releasing Taeyong's skinny wrist. He nodded his head quickly as he walked past his uncanny client towards the door.    
  
Taeyong spun around and let his face take on its usual coldness. "Where are you going?"    
  
Jaehyun stopped by the door with his hand on the door handle.    
  
"I'm going down. To smoke, if you missed it. Feel free to join, or whatever"

The younger crossed his arms over his chest and furrowed his eyebrows.    
  
"I just might" He said shortly.    
  
Jaehyun faked a smile and flipped his bangs out of his eyes. "Really?" Sure as hell the boy wouldn't follow him outside just to show his therapist wrong.   
  
The silver haired man walked up to him and for a moment Jaehyun was sure he'd follow him out, but instead, he stopped so close to Jaehyun he could feel his breath on him. With a fast flick of the wrist he had grabbed the back of Jaehyun's hair and yanked it back hard enough for the older to let out a slight squeal.    
  
The younger traced a sharp nail against Jaehyun's throat.    
  
"A smoking psychiatrist? I didn't take you for a hypocrite but I guess I was wrong". Jaehyun didn't dare to move since he was afraid the younger might do something seriously stupid. Under no circumstances was he allowed to harm his client, not even in self-defense, so all he could do was hope the other didn't feel like choking him again.    
  
"I saw online what smokers lungs look like. They're all black and scarred" Taeyong said raspily. Suddenly his eyes widened and a slight smile played on his lips.    
  
"Regarding that - you know where I got this scar?" Taeyong suddenly said and touched the small mark under his right eye, releasing Jaehyun from his grip.    
  
"O-okaaay, please, enlighten me?" Jaehyun said and rolled his eyes, running a hand along his sore scalp where Taeyong had pulled at the strands.    
  
If looks could kill Jaehyun would have been dead for long now. Taeyong's eyes shone of terror and oppression as he tilted his head slightly when he spoke. "I jumped through this window deliberately. Unfortunately I only broke both of my shinbones instead of my neck"   
  
Jaehyun looked at him for a few seconds that felt like an eternity until he dared to turn his back to his tragic client.    



	3. Session 3

The night before their third session Jaehyun dreamt about his client. They were in an empty room with water seeping in from under a door that unfortunately was locked with a heavy padlock. Taeyong was watching him, no, _ staring _ at him like he always does, with pleading, frightened eyes.

"I can't swim" he said, as the water reached his bare ankles. Jaehyun examined the door but couldn’t find a way to stop the water from flowing in. He tried to seal the spring beneath the door with his shirt, but it didn't work. Next he took off his pants and shoved them into the spring as well, but it didn't work either.

Soon the water had reached Taeyong's waist. Jaehyun shot him a panicked glance, more worried about the other’s life than his own. 

"Jaehyun... Help me" The younger said when the water reached his chest. Jaehyun begun to swim, but the distance felt like a hundred meters instead of two. When he eventually reached Taeyong the water was already up to his nose. “Air… I need…” The other yelped, swallowing water at every breath.  _ He’ll drown _ , Jaehyun thought, as he grabbed the other’s shoulders and pulled him against himself. 

When the younger couldn’t keep his head above water level anymore Jaehyun grabbed his chin, angled his face up and kissed him.  _ Take my air.... _

Jaehyun woke up in damp sheets wet from sweat. Salty pearls decorated his forehead when he saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  _ I could just as well have been swimming for real, _ he thought before jumping into the shower. The dream was still vivid in his mind, heating his face up further under the hot water. It was years since he last kissed a man or dreamt about it…  _ This is weird and highly unsettling _ , he thought as he tried to think about anything else than the ridiculously beautiful man he was supposed to meet today.  _ Maybe I'm getting a fever... _   
  
  


Later the same day, Jaehyun was greeted by the Lee house maid. The girl glanced at him so longingly that Jaehyun kind of regretted his choice of wearing the only pair of skintight jeans he owned. Just to be safe, he buttoned up his dress shirt fully when the girl turned her back against him.   
  
He wasn't surprised to hear that Mrs. and Mr. Lee were still out for a business trip.    
“I just cooked lunch, would you like to have some? Mr. Taeyong usually doesn’t eat before afternoon."

Jaehyun didn’t have to heart to refuse her kind smile, so he ended up having a light lunch together with her in the kitchen. She reminded him a little bit of his first and only girlfriend, but then again, it was probably just an age thing - it wasn't like she even looked the same. It was just nostalgia, nothing else. 

"How long have you been working here?" he asked, stuffing his face with fried rice. 

"Around three years. I took over after my Mom" 

"When was the last time Taeyong was out of his room? This is delicious by the way" 

She smiled sweetly. "Thanks. Well, I think it was for his grandfather's funeral 6 months ago. He had his hair tied in a bun, it was quite adorable. When I told him he looked cute he told me that he'll rip my eyeballs out if I call him cute again, haha..." She said half-heartedly. "He can't stand me... Wait, I'll show you a picture of the family"   
  
The maid took up her phone and scrolled through her gallery.    
  
"Here, look. That's his sister there. Ain't she pretty?" She held up her phone with a picture taken outside a big tree. They were all wearing black; Mr. Lee, Mrs. Lee, Taeyong's sister, her husband and Taeyong, of course. Jaehyun glanced at his sister and agreed that she was a real beauty with the mahogany, silky hair of hers, but his eyes got fixated on the boy with silver hair, standing grim next to his sister. His hair was indeed tied behind his head, enhancing his fair skin and dramatic features. He was wearing a well-fitted black suit matched with a white bowtie. Jaehyun could have thought he was a mannequin by how stiffly he stood next to his family. How could anyone that beautiful be so sad?    
  
"Wow, yeah, he's ... she's beautiful" Jaehyun said, feeling his cheeks heat up.    
  
"She is! The whole family makes such a perfect picture. It's a shame that Mr. Taeyong wastes his handsome face inside these walls. He could become an actor or an idol even, if he just had the mindset for it"   
  
The screen went black, and Jaehyun got kicked back into reality which was being Taeyong’s therapist.    
  
"The portraits on Taeyong's wall. The one with his sister and that older man. Was it his grandfather?" Jaehyun asked and put down the utensils to mark that he was done with the meal.    
  
"Oh no, no, no!" She said, shaking her head. "That's his uncle from his mother's side"    
  
"Why does he have a drawing of his uncle on the wall? I mean, the face it makes is horrifying, to say the least. Were they close?"   
  
The maid looked down into her lap for a moment, before coyly meeting Jaehyun's eyes under her lashes. "I do not know... he died years ago."   
  
Gears started turning in the young psychiatrist head – Taeyong’s dead uncle seemed to have made quite an impression on the boy. Despite him insisting that he neither felt nor cared about anything he somehow deemed two specific portraits important enough to hang next to his bed on the wall. Maybe he had been some kind of a father's figure to him when his real dad was away for work?    
  
The maid noticed Jaehyun thinking. "I could ask my mother if she remembers the story behind it? She worked her for years before I took over"   
  
Jaehyun smiled gracefully to reveal his notorious dimples. The maid's face turned violently red when he grabbed her hands to thank her. "Yes! Please, that would help me a lot"   
  
  


Fifteen minutes later he knocked on Taeyong's door and waits a minute for no-one to open as expected. Indeed, he stepped in and found the silver haired boy (still sporting the same hairstyle Jaehyun did him but now a little shorter and more polished) on the floor amidst his drawings. He was working on the outlines of a portrait of sort. He didn't look up when the psychiatrist stepped in behind him.    
  
"Hello, Taeyong-ah. I see the hairdresser came in after all. Looking good" He chirped.    
  
Taeyong, who was once again wearing a black turtle neck paired with some grey jeans, tensed up when hearing the familiar voice, and for a short moment his pencil stopped moving across the paper. That reaction was enough of an answer for Jaehyun.    
  
Jaehyun went to sit on the bed in front of him and focused on following the slim hand move over the paper like it was programmed to do so. It was quite hypnotizing to watch since the boy worked so incredibly fast and precisely. The sleeves of his shirt were turned up, revealing shapely forearms with heavily outlined veins - his arms didn't match the rest of his delicate and cutesy outside at all!    
  
_ Remember, he's a man. Not a little girl to call cute and tiny, he's a man in your eyes and so shall it be _ , Jaehyun thought for himself. _ He happens to be prettier than most girls and boys he’d ever seen but it still doesn't take away the fact that he’s your client and violent enough to fuck you up and you're not supposed to find that attractive in any way, damnit...  _ _   
_ _   
_ "What are you drawing?" Jaehyun said, fingercombing the hair out of his eyes.    
  
No reaction.    
  
Jaehyun sighed in defeat and decided to watch him for a while instead. Eventually he picked up a heap of drawings from the floor to study. It was the same animals he had seen before. His anatomical knowledge seemed impeccable. Every single drawing looked like one of those detailed illustrations from the old German anatomy books they used to study in Med. school. The illustrations in Gray's Anatomy were almost childish compared to Taeyong's highly detailed blueprints of muscle and bone.    
  
"You like animals, don't you?" Jaehyun said while looking through the pictures. He got particularly intrigued by a drawing of a Jack Russell terrier with a mischievous spark in its eyes, looking much like the one his mother had. The Lee family didn't seem like one to keep dogs at home, considering how much they were on the move.    
  
"Was it your dog? I have a dog like this, you know" 

Silver hair suddenly flipped in the corner of Jaehyun's eye, and he noticed the boy looking at him in wonder with those alluringly dark eyes of his. 

A mild awkwardness took over Jaehyun as he hadn’t been prepared for such a reaction from the boy. 

"You have a dog?" Taeyong asked in a small, timid voice, way higher than his usual throaty tone. 

Jaehyun put the drawings down onto the floor again. 

"Yeah, a Jack Russell. He lives in my Mom's house so I sometimes forget that he's mine originally. I take care of him at times" 

Taeyong's eyes went down to his drawing of the terrier lying by Jaehyun’s feet. He put down his marker and went to sit on his knees instead. He seemed intrigued, livelier than Jaehyun had seen him so far. 

"You like dogs?" Jaehyun asked hesitantly. 

Taeyong looked up at him and nodded eagerly.  _ God, he's adorable,  _ Jaehyun thought shamefully when looking at the boy on his knees _ . Stop it _ . It could all just be an act of manipulation to wrap Jaehyun around his skinny little finger. But something about him spoke of such morose innocence that Jaehyun couldn’t help feeling his primal protective instinct being evoked. He wanted to wrap the boy in his arms just to be able to tell him that nothing could ever hurt him if he just stayed close to him. He wanted to tell him that it’s perfectly okay to be a chaotic mess as long as he's himself and no-one else. Everyone should have the right to feel safe in their own skin, right? 

But who is young man boy then? What happened to him?    
  
"What's his name?" Taeyong asked timidly. 

Jaehyun broke out into a dimpled smile. "Sylvester. I was really into American action movies when I named him, I know it's a bit embarrassing ..." 

Jaehyun's heart did a small spurt when he saw the boy's pouty lips finally turn upwards into a smile - a smile as bright as a thousand stars on the night sky. Seeing that honest smile on Taeyong's face was enough for Jaehyun to think he had succeeded in breaking through to him. 

" Sylvester. That's ridiculous " Taeyong repeated, chuckling shyly. 

Sharing a smile like this was more than Jaehyun could even have imagined. 

"I could show you some pictures if you want?” he proposed cheerfully. 

Jaehyun patted the bed with his palm with newfound confidence when he saw Taeyong noddingin agreement. The younger didn't question the silent request and got up gracefully, walking up to the bed to sit down next to Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun felt drunk on this surprising progress together with the smell of Taeyong’s shampoo. He swallowed hard in an attempt to gather himself - He wasn't usually this jitterish around clients unless they happened to be possibly dangerous to be around with, something that Taeyong on the other hand was, considering how he choked him the first time they met. But he simply couldn’t allow himself to be afraid of Taeyong. It was like being afraid of a cute puppy - a puppy with very sharp teeth.    
  
He scrolled through his gallery until he found some pictures of Sylvi from when he last time was visiting his mother's place. He opened up a picture of the small dog standing on his hind legs attempting to grab a treat from the photographer’s hand. Taeyong shuffled closer to him until their shoulders touched. 

"He's already a 9 year old little man…" Jaehyun said with sentiment. In the corner of his eye he could see the boy smiling. 

"Awww, I wish I had a dog. Can I see more?" 

Jaehyun gave his phone over to Taeyong so he could scroll through some more pictures on his own. Instead he focused on watching the younger man's expressions and looking how his eyes moved rapidly across the small screen. He had to remind himself that he was analyzing his facial expressions just for scientific reasons, nothing more.  _ Nothing more _ . 

"Are you allergic or why can't you get one? It'd be good for you, I think" Jaehyun said softly, counting his long eyelashes. 

Taeyong stopped his scrolling for a while. 

"I'm surprised you even met my parents. They're so seldom home they couldn't possibly care for a dog, and since I am what I am they don't trust me enough to take care of it either. In the end it would be that goddamned maidwhore taking it out" Taeyong sneered. 

Jaehyun frowned at his use of language but decided not to correct him – he wasn’t obligated to act as his mentor or anything. Instead he sighed empathically and continued watching Taeyong's fingers swiping through his pictures. 

"If you want to, we could go see him someday. Maybe I could ask my mother if I could take him here too, but i'm not s-" 

The silver haired boy turned to look at Jaehyun with enthusiasm, and by accident their faces ended up being way too close to each other not to make Jaehyun feel uncomfortable.

"Really? Oh my god I would... I would enjoy that very much" Taeyong said eagerly.  _ Show him a dog, and he's like a completely different client _ , Jaehyun mused, pulling his face a little further away from the other. 

... "Yeah, sure"    
  
Jaehyun expected he might end up regretting this idea, but he had to find a way to motivate his client to start working on his fears. Even though he pledged on simply not caring about living a normal life among other people it couldn’t possibly be the whole truth. Had he been bullied? Or assaulted, maybe? And the isolation he lived in definitely only aggravated his suppressed fears. Gosh, Jaehyun  _ needed  _ to know the truth of his story so that he could start addressing the issue properly. 

Taeyong was still holding Jaehyun's phone, mindlessly looking through his gallery. Without Jaehyun noticing, he eventually ended up looking through his Sylvi-free pictures as well.   
  
"Is that your girlfriend?" Taeyong suddenly asked.   
  
Jaehyun's eyes snapped open. Wait, he didn't-

"What? Who?"   
  
The silver haired boy showed him the picture he had been looking at on the screen. It was a picture taken from the university, where he and a co-worker of his had held a presentation on the effect of interpersonal psychotherapy on bipolar patients.

What a relief.

"Oh, no, that's my co-worker. She's married"    
  
She was a nice girl. One of Jaehyun's closest friends at Uni, and he even got to attend her wedding last summer. It was a bit awkward going alone, but he just couldn't gather courage to ask some random person on the street to be his date for the night. Dating wasn't anything he had time nor interest for - after being dumped by his gang-girlfriend he hadn't really dared to start a serious relationship with anyone. During his years in university he obviously had his fair share of random one night stands he picked up at students parties, but he seldom got interested enough to actually hit it off with anyone. His good looks deceived him, as he wasn't a playboy at all - Just too interested in science to have time for trivial things like netflix and chill. During his junior years he started asking himself whether he still had some interest in the opposite sex at all, but after a few drunken nights with flashy boys from other faculties (he wouldn't dare losing his face in front of his own colleagues) he came to the conclusion that he was just as equally uninterested in dating regardless of sex. He much rather spent the night with a book by B. F. Skinner. 

Taeyong shrugged and reached out to hand him over his phone, which Jaehyun was quick to claim back to safety. 

"Why can’t Sylvi stay with you?" 

Trying to divert the subject of discussion from himself to his therapist, right?    
  
"Who would take care of him when I'm working long days with trying to figure out how to make you open that wordy box of yours?" 

The younger ignored the comment and pulled up his legs onto the bed to hug his knees.    
  
"Don't you have your girlfriend home to take care of it?"    
  
_ O-oh, there it was again… _   
  
Jaehyun knew that he didn't need to answer. His privacy was his alone since these sessions were targeted to sort out Taeyong's problems and no-one else’s. He knew that many of his colleagues had encountered difficult clients who tried to get under their skin by asking personal questions and judging their answers to strip them off their professionalism. The key was to stay neutral and keep the facade of being unaffected.    
But Jaehyun knew he was different. He liked to see himself as a whole person, not just as his private self (which basically didn't consist of anything else than his family, basket and meeting occassional neighbors when smoking) separated from his working self.    
  
"As a matter of fact I do not have a girlfriend, and furthermore, I'm not that old fashioned to want a woman to stay at home to take care of the household. It's 2019, boy" Jaehyun pointed out.    
  
Taeyong tilted his head as he was biting the sleeve of his polo shirt, looking infuriatingly perky.    
  
"Why are you even interested?"    
  
The younger shrugged. "You don't feel lonely then?"    
  
Jaehyun couldn't believe his ears. Did he think their roles had switched, or something? Or was he in truth just asking himself the same question, through Jaehyun? Jaehyun got up and crossed his arms, walking around the room in a manner to look like he was thinking thoroughly about his answer. In truth, he wasn't. He was just observing the silver haired boy hiding beneath his skinny knees.    
  
"Why would I?"   
  
"You told me that you don't do much else than work. And watch basket. Apparently alone, by the sound of it"   
  
Jaehyun smiled. There was some truth to it, to be fair. Of course he felt alone at times, especially during the weekends when most of his co-workers were spending times with their significant others or their families. But he simply didn't let it bother him. He enjoyed being alone - studying, exercising, watching cheesy horror movies. It was kinda boring yes, but then again he got enough excitement and drama through his working schedule - not to mention how socially exhausting it was to spend time with clients. The introvert in him thanked him for his lack of interest in the dating scene as well.    
  
"Who doesn't feel alone at times? It's only human, after all. But it's cool, really. I meet lots of people every day" He stopped in front of the portrait of his sister, staring into her sad paper eyes. "Don't you?"   
  
Taeyong hugged his knees tighter around him, rocking slightly back and forth.    
  
"I do not know"   
  
"How?"   
  
"I feel like... like this all the time" He said, mumbling into the fabric of his jeans.    
  
"Also when you were with your sister?" Jaehyun said lowly, still eyeing the drawing, following stroke after stroke of the marker from its origin to its end.    
  
Apparently it was too much of intrusion for his client as he stopped answering. But Jaehyun didn't need him to say the words per se, since he already knew the answer. The maid, who also knew Taeyong's sister well since she had been tutored by her in math, had told him that Young-ja had been the only one not to question Taeyong's personal problems and completely and fully accept and love him for what he was. When his parents threw plates after him for swearing out loud, Young-ja followed him to the safety of his room to make a list all the profanities they just could remember together. When Taeyong got beaten by some kids in school she revenged them by asking her group of older guy friends to go make them cry so hard they'd never touch anyone in the Lee family again. She had been on his side in all and every circumstance, and when she left to live with her husband, Taeyong was left alone to make do with his loneliness and absent parents. She had been his only friend and his only comfort, even when he hated himself so much he wished to die. To be left alone was a hard blow for the boy who only dared to go to school since he knew his sister would protect him in anything bad happened. Art school is demanding, awfully competitive and heavily dependent on critique both good and bad, which in the end was just way too much for Taeyong's fragile psyche to handle on his own.    
  


"Who is this guy?" Jaehyun asked when shifting his gaze to the grotesque portrait of his uncle. 

Taeyong rolled his eyes and threw himself back first against the mattress.    
  
"Haven't my parents told you? We had quite an epic fight regarding it being up on my wall a few years back”   
  
Jaehyun faltered and turned to look at his client instead. He had stretched out on the bed like a cat, legs way too long for his tiny body. A small strip of the pale skin peeked out underneath his polo, giving Jaehyun that distressing feeling again and forcing him to divert his gaze. 

"No they didn't" Jaehyun answered lowly. "Why is he looking like that? He looks like he's getting a heart attack or something"   
  
Taeyong popped up to lean against his elbows, a curious look on his face. "Well, aren't we a doctor now?" 

  
"what?"    
  
"that's my uncle. He died many years ago. I watched and that's the face he did"    
  
Jaehyun felt a cold shiver running through his spine. The way he said those words was way too cheerful to be normal. Jaehyun walked back to the bed to take a better look on the beautiful but icy cold man lying on the bed. 

Taeyong chuckled shortly. "Don't worry. He did indeed die of a heart attack in our living room. I was the only one present and I didn't do anything about it. I don't think CPR would have helped that son of a bitch anyway". The silver haired man jumped elegantly up from the bed and walked up to his desk instead.    
  


Jaehyun didn't know what to say. It was like Taeyong didn't have a way to balance his mind, constantly going from one extreme to the other. Now he was searching for something in his desk, hopefully not a memoir from his uncle's funeral or something morbid like that.    
  
"But why? Why is he hanging on your wall?" 

Why would anyone with a photographic memory decide to draw a portrait of his dying uncle and then see it as a nice element of decor? 

Taeyong sat down on his chair the wrong way around, leaning his chin against the backrest. 

"Guess. Redeem your reputation as an okay therapist instead of being a useless one" 

The skin on his neck felt hot as Jaehyun's blood pressure continued rising. "It's not about therapy, I'm genuinely a bit freaked out"   
  
Taeyong giggled. "Guess, Jung"    
  
Jaehyun put his arms on his hips and glared angrily at the picture.    
  
"I... I don't know, he was important to you and you wanted to honor his memory with this beautiful piece of art?"   
  
A manic flicker flashed in Taeyong's eyes as he kicked the air with his feet in an attempt to make the chair spin. 

"Quite the opposite, you idiot"   
  
_How dare he-..._ Right. The problem is that he indeed dares. Taeyong didn't need to care about being respectful since no social rules apparently applied to him.   
  
"You hated him, just like everyone else?"  
  
He stopped smiling. "I don't hate everyone. I don't hate my sister nor you. But him... Him I do hate" he said, looking emptily at the portrait.   
  
"So you hated him but still decided to put him up on your wall? God I'm about to tear that picture down in like 5 red seconds" Jaehyun said, embarrassed to find how he was losing his temper in front of a client. That should never happen - but then again, Taeyong made him feel a lot of things that should never happen.   
  
"Seeing him die was the greatest moment of my life. Seeing my sister cry when I cursed her for leaving me alone with my parents was also a pretty sweet moment. I like to remember those moments"   
  
Jaehyun's mouth fell open upon realizing how weirdly angled views of happiness his client had. Epicaricacy in this proportion was incredibly toxic and honestly speaking frightening.   
  
Taeyong's eyes spoke a different story. Dark like the deepest trench of the ocean they reflected a relentless sadness just the way his sister's did in her portrait. A slight shimmering was seen in the corner of his eye, and Jaehyun concluded it couldn't be anything else than wetness - a drop made purely of human emotion, not by psychopathy. Then his eyebrow twitched in an unsettling way, like he was about to sneeze, and suddenly his shoulders went up against his ears, like he had been hit or frightened by something.   
  
"Taeyong, listen to me. You don't need to pretend you're stronger than you are. I can see thr-..." Jaehyun stopped midsentence as he felt his blood freeze him into place. Drops of crimson liquid were forming a tiny pool beneath the chair. The backrest of the chair... He hadn't seen Taeyong's hands behind it for a while now.   
  
Instinct made him step to the side until he saw the pair of scissors in Taeyong's right hand. The relatively blunt blade had made a two centimeter long cut along his left wrist that luckily bled fairly slowly, meaning he had hit a vein and not an artery.   
  
Usually a medically schooled professional shouldn't panic in situations like this. They should be able to take the situation into control in a calm and cool way, to ensure no more damage was inflicted upon their patient. But Jaehyun had never been good at keeping his own emotions at bay, especially not when it dug up his most painful memories of loss and tragedy. Looking at Taeyong, all he could see was his best friend Youngho, who years and years ago took his own life by cutting his wrist and bleeding to death in his family's bathtub. Intelligent Youngho, pretty Youngho, such a promising life wasted on this horrific disease called depression...  
  
Jaehyun refused to let it happen again. He had promised Youngho, he had promised.   
  
The ice in his veins shattered as adrenaline shot through him into every cell of his body. Without even noticing how it happened he had the scissors secured in one hand and Taeyong's wrist in the other. The cut wasn't deep and didn't bleed too much, but the edges were pulling away from each other nastily, which meant they might need to be stitched together. Since he didn't have any tools on him right now he couldn't do anything else than press his thumb hard against the wound to stop the bleeding, and quite forcefully raise his wrist above his heart level.   
  
"Don’t you DARE to throw away your life like that in front of me of all people!" Jaehyun screamed, the volume of his voice surprising himself too. "This ain't a fucking joke, Taeyong. I'm trying to help you and you ain't giving me shit. Killing yourself ain't the solution, for god's sake!"   
  
They boy looked shocked, as he should be too. Apparently he didn't expect Jaehyun to react this strongly. He blinked with his huge deer eyes and for a brief moment he reminded of Youngho, just 17 years old when he died.  
  
"I lost my best friend" Jaehyun felt the tears burn in his eyes and he had to bite his lip hard to stop himself from crying out loud. Eventually the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth but he didn't care. "I lost my best friend to die by his own hand, and..." He paused since he felt his voice cracking. Taeyong kept staring at him with bewilderment. "I mean I deal with suicidal people all the time but ... I don't wanna see it happen in front of my own eyes when I know I could have done something"   
  
Jaehyun sniffed loudly and shook his head, breaking the eye contact. His hand started to hurt from pressing and keeping Taeyong's wrist up in the air and he decided to gather himself. The boy had to be patched up, for god's sake...   
  
Taeyong was still staring silently at Jaehyun to the extent it started to bother the older. This client was getting on his nerves, despite knowing he was sick and therefor couldn't be the one to blame_. Maybe this case is just too hard for me, I should leave it before one of us gets too involved…__  
_  
"Okay. Can you please press your wrist without hurting yourself more so I can go check if you guys have some superglue or something? Otherwise I'll have to drag you to the emergency and I don't think you'd want that" Jaehyun sighed and got up, leaving Taeyong sitting on his chair. He gave him a stern look before going down to search for some damn glue.   
  
When walking down the stairs the realization of what he just had done started haunting his conscience. He had violated his professionality by snapping at his client - swearing, even. If it got out to his boss he would lose his job for sure since his actions were basically the opposite of therapeutic. This session would have to be the last, for sure. It was a pity that Taeyong had to endure so many different therapists but Jaehyun just simply wasn't fit for the task. It was a shame, really. _I just started to like him_.   
  
When he came back, he found Taeyong on the floor with his back against the wall, sobbing while holding his trembling wrist up in the air. The entity of his small body was shaking and Jaehyun noticed how his cheeks glistened from the wetness of salty tears.   
  
"Does it hurt that bad?" Jaehyun asked gently as he got down onto his knees next to his client. He hadn’t expected to see Taeyong cry at all – it didn’t match the way he and his parents described him.   
  
Taeyong shook his head, hulking silently.   
  
Jaehyun nodded and pulled down his wrist to examine the wound. It had indeed stopped bleeding, which luckily meant he was able to superglue the edges together.  
  
"It stings a little" he mumbled when pressing the edges against each other.   
  
Taeyong continued to cry like he had lost everything.   
  
It broke Jaehyun's heart to realize that this was probably exactly what Taeyong was feeling - what did he even have, except for food and a roof over his head? Where did he get love from?   
  
Jaehyun put some adhesives on the glued-up wound and wrapped it into a firm bandage. He wished that Taeyong's parents wouldn't come home anytime soon to see his hurt arm, since they technically had reason to blame Jaehyun for it.   
  
"There we go, as good as new" Jaehyun said, daring to smile just the slightest after releasing Taeyong's arm.   
  
But instead of getting a thank you, Taeyong started crying even louder and ended up pressing his forehead against Jaehyun's shoulder.   
  
_What the- ..._  
  
With the boy sobbing violently against his shirt he felt clueless about what to do with his own arms, so he eventually ended up ever so hesitantly placing them around Taeyong's small frame to hold him up against him.   
  
_Schizoid my ass, he’s distorted and emotionally unstable like a stream. Seriously, how hard can it be for my colleagues to diagnose him properly?__  
__  
__… Maybe he just needs a hug. I mean, I'm done here anyway. Might as well make him feel a little better. _  
  
So he chose to embrace him, pulling him gently against his chest and stilling his shaking body with big palms against his back. It felt oddly good to have a warm body against himself - he hadn't been hugging anyone lately except for his mother, really.   
  
"Shhh...." he said quietly as the silver hair tickled his cheek. He smelled so nice, fresh like a mountainside lily. How could anyone this pure be this crooked? It isn’t fair, Jaehyun thought. Life isn’t fair to the ones who fall through the cracks.   
  
Taeyong finally put his arms around Jaehyun's neck and clutched at his t-shirt with both hands, burrowing is face into Jaehyun’s shirt making it damp from the younger’s tears. Jaehyun wasn't sure if hugging was entirely okay according to protocol but he knew that he had to comfort him somehow, and the only thing he could do at this particular moment was to be there and hold him, without questioning.   
  
"I fucking hated him" Taeyong finally said in a thick, distorted voice, "I still hate him!"   
  
Jaehyun understood that he was talking about his uncle.   
  
He still didn't have a clue about what had happened, but that man seemed to have done something bad enough to tear Taeyong's life into pieces. It was impossible to understand how Taeyong could live with his face on the wall day after day, but it probably had something to do with his problems managing the entire emotional aspect of his life.   
  
"Taeyong-ah, he's dead. He's dead. You don't need to think about him anymore"   
  
Jaehyun rubbed soothing circles against Taeyong's back, pulling him intuitively closer as if his own proximity could make the boy feel better and forget his emotional turmoil.   
  
"He's dead but he still won't leave me..." The younger whispered, sulking erratically. "He haunts me in my dreams". Jaehyun was afraid he'd start hyperventilating by how rapidly he was gasping after air, so he grabbed his shoulders and pushed him outwards from him so he could monitor his face better.   
  
Taeyong's eyes were red and puffy from tears, fear perpetually evident in those dark pools of sorrow.  
  
Jaehyun cupped his cheek and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes.   
  
"Look at me. Look at me Taeyong" he said calmly.   
  
The other gulped as he obeyed, meeting Jaehyun's gaze as so many times before. The intensity from before was gone, however. He looked at him like you would look at a friend, softly and respectfully – though it might be that his eyes just were too puffy to focus properly.   
  
"It's you and me, Taeyong. No-one else. That man is nothing. He's dead. It's not him haunting your dreams; it's your perception of him doing so. You need to realize he's nothing more than a memory, and however bad it is, it's still just a memory"  
  
Taeyong closed his eyes as he let his body relax against Jaehyun’s hands on his shoulders.   
  
"Look at me" The older repeated.   
  
The silver haired boy sniffed and met Jaehyun's gaze again.   
  
"Did you hear me? We're here together, I’m with you, literally by your side. If that man comes into your dreams, I'll be there too to beat him up. Your sister will probably do the same if she ain't too busy making babies"  
  
Taeyong chuckled lowly trough his sobs.   
  
"Okay"  
  
He sniffed again and wiped his nose with his sleeve_. Such a sad beauty. I wish I could kiss those rosy lips and take the sad away. He deserves love. Everyone deserves love. __  
__  
_"Taeyong-ah, who am I?" Jaehyun asked mildly.   
  
"W-what?" The other said, his voice slightly steadier than before.   
  
"Who am I to you?"  
  
The silver haired boy swallowed thickly as his eyes flickered all over Jaehyun's face.   
  
"M-my therapist?"   
  
Jaehyun dared to smile a dimpled grin.   
  
"No, I think I failed as that. I'm your friend, Taeyong-ah. At least I’ll try to be from now on"   
  
Taeyong lowered his gaze and smiled coyly, still sniffing a little.   
  
"I'm okay with that. You're shitty as a therapist anyway"   
  
Before leaving, Jaehyun pulled down the grisly portrait of his uncle. He'd had enough of it, and asked Yeonha to take it down to the basement out of sight. As soon as he came home he opened up Taeyong’s medical records and started typing in an effort to debunk some of his old diagnosis and replace them with the more current ones. Borderline personality disorder. Melancholic depression with psychotic features. Asperger’s syndrome. Maybe this would help his colleagues to get a better grip on the boy from the start – something that Jaehyun had failed to do. He would sleep on the matter and then tell his boss the next morning that he’d decided to give up the case. The boy was getting under Jaehyun’s skin and he was afraid their relationship was getting way too personal.  



	4. Session 4

Jaehyun didn’t go meet his boss the next morning. For the past week Jaehyun had been thinking about the case long and hard, however failing to reach any feasible decision. With reluctance he postponed their next session due to his indecisiveness on how to proceed. Boundaries was about to be crossed between the therapist and his client, and Jaehyun was afraid their budding friendship might be a highly destructive one if he allowed it to continue. Taeyong affected him way too much for him to stay completely objective, making him prone to manipulation. But on the other hand he pitied the young man who constantly had to endure therapist after therapist who couldn't give him anything else than the usual clichés. Of course there was also the fear of him hurting himself again as he image of his bleeding wrist got mixed up with nightmares from Jaehyun’s past.    
  
And somewhere deep inside, past his professional self, he wished to see Taeyong again. He was fascinated by him and wanted to know what agonized his beautiful silver head. Not to mention the memory of having the shaking mess of a man pressed up against his own chest - Jaehyun tried not to think about it, but every now and then it popped up in his mind and filled him with warm, longing sentiment.    
  
One night his phone rang, and when he didn't recognize the number the fear of it being Taeyong made him shiver from anticipation. It wasn't hard to find Jaehyun’s contact info online if you just knew what to search for.  _ What if it is him? What if he needs me? Should I go? Now?  _ _   
_   
He answered the phone.    
"Hello?"   
  
_ "Good evening Mr. Jung, this is Yeonha, the maid from the Lee family house, remember?" _ _   
_   
Jaehyun recognized her voice and let out a breath of relief _ . And disappointment.  _   
  
"Ah, evening. Everything well?"   
  
_ "Uhm, yes, yes of course. Uhm, Remember I promised you to talk with my mother? Well I did. Talk with my mother, that is. About Mr. Taeyong's uncle." _ _   
_   
"Oh?"   
  
_ "Uhm, yeah. He was an economist and used to do the bookkeeping for Mr. and Mrs. Lee's company. They did some tax fraud, nothing much, but a little, enough to be hidden away by a talented accountant. Being a part of the family as well he spent a lot of time at the house" _   
  
"Yes?"   
  
_ "He liked kids. So he often took care of Taeyong and his older sister when their parents were travelling" _ She held a long pause.  _ "And, uh, yeah, uhm... it's really horrible" _

"What? Ms. Yeonha, please speak"  
  
"He did stuff to little Mr. Taeyong. Like... uhm, bad, things. He hit him, among other things. He forced him to watch when he-"  
  
"Enough" Jaehyun said sharply. He knew where this was going and it was completely disgusting and utterly horrible. No wonder the kid is a mess. _Fucking hell. __  
_  
Yeonha continued on hesitantly. "_My mother eventually told his parents. They stopped him from seeing the kids when they weren't present. But they didn't fire him or anything, since he was an unreplaceable asset for the company. They didn't wanna take it to the police either since they were afraid their tax frauds from earlier would be revealed in investigations. So, he just continued on being a part of the family_"  
  
"Holy shit...."   
  
Poor Taeyong had been abused both by that wicked, evil man as well as his ignorant parents, who apparently put their business before the health of their children. Jaehyun wasn't surprised they hadn't told him about that teeny, weeny, ridiculously important detail when he met with them some time ago. Didn't they have any clue of the effect it would have on the boy to be forced to grow up next to this man who literally fucked up his childhood? Fucking hell, he would never be whole again as long as he was living in that mad house. He needs a new, safe environment, for god's sake, he needs...   
_  
__I can't take him away from there. Not without his parents’ permission. If he leaves by his free will it's another story, but knowing Taeyong... __  
_  
"I'm coming tomorrow in the morning. When are his parents coming back? I need to talk to them"  
  
_"Next week. Uhm, there's another thing too_" the maid said. "_He tried to set the house on fire earlier today_"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
_"Y-yes, he came down, apparently found our matches in the kitchen while I was in the bathroom, threw some cooking oil into the trash and put it on fire. Well, luckily we have fire alarms so the firefighters came very quickly and put it out before it got to spread. The kitchen is a bit smoky now but I'll call some cleaners to come in tomorrow..."_   
  
"He came out of his room to do that?"  
  
_"Yes, it happens at times. It’s not the first time"_  
  
Jaehyun couldn't sleep that night. His client stressed him out, since he wasn't sure what the right way was to deal with this matter. The only thing certain was that he finally had decided to not give up on Taeyong - he felt like he knew too much already. In addition to that he felt like he owed Yeonha to do something with this piece of information she just shared. And most of all - he had told the boy that he could trust him. _It's just you and me_. How could he have forgotten that promise already?   
  
  
  
When Jaehyun arrived into the Lee house the next day the contractors were already there to clean up the smoke damaged kitchen from Taeyong's little trick the day before. He scrunched his nose when stepping inside - the stingy scent of smoke was awfully present on the entire ground floor. It was slightly better upstairs, so Jaehyun hurried there to go see his client. For some reason, he felt nervous about it. He hadn't seen him in over a week, after all. Lots of things can happen in a week.   
  
Indeed, when he opened the door he stepped into a complete chaotic mess, nothing like the usually tidy room of Taeyong's. His drawings were everywhere, along with clothes, bed sheets, books and pills too. Gosh, it would be the icing on the cake if he started refusing taking his medication now as well.   
  
"Wow, okay...." He mumbled, stepping over a heap of clothes in front of the door. Taeyong was sitting by his desk in his pajamas playing his shooting game. When he saw Jaehyun coming in, he immediately paused the game and got up from his chair. Something had happened to his beautiful face, Jaehyun couldn't tell what, but he looked like he hadn't slept for far too many days.   
  
"Jung! Where the fuck have you been?" He said trough gritted teeth.   
  
Jaehyun stopped. This was more than what he usually said to visitors entering the room.   
  
"Working? Didn’t they tell you about my rescheduling?"  
  
"Am I not part of your work?"  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier. But I am here now, and we can talk about the things that have been troub-..."   
  
He was forced to crouch since Taeyong had thrown a glass in his directing, apparently aiming for his head. The glass shattered against the wall, the noise echoing through the room with its high roof.   
  
"You're all the same" Taeyong wailed, walking forward across the mess in his room up to Jaehyun and grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer. Jaehyun noticed that he still had some ash on his face from yesterday's fire, and a part of his eyebrow had got charred away. He knew the boy could be aggressive, but he hadn't expected it to come out this soon considering on how good terms they left each other the last session. Jaehyun counted to ten and focused on staying calm, hoping the silver haired boy wouldn't do anything all too stupid.   
  
Taeyong's voice cracked as he continued. "You motherfucking therapist scum, all of you pretend to be my friends and all that but in the end you're all fake as fuck". He pulled harder at Jaehyun's shirt's collar, until the though fabric started to hurt at the back of the older’s neck. Jaehyun did his best to stay unaffected, keeping eye contact with his unstable client and letting him finish his talk.   
  
"But obviously you don't care. You get paid to care, but in the end, you just forget about people like me as soon as we're done for the day"   
  
Taeyong's sad eyes had started to get wet again. He looked at Jaehyun, really looked at him, like he was trying to read his thoughts or intentions. The expressions he made weren't even ones of anger, but of hurt and desperation, completely human emotions that could bring any person to the brink of sanity. Jaehyun knew it would be a chore to calm him down, not to mention trying to get him to accept his apology, considering how socially handicapped people like Taeyong might not even have the concept of apologies programmed in their minds.   
  
"I was waiting for you to come visit. I had things to say" He said in a thin voice. "But you didn't come in time"  
  
Jaehyun had to do something. The boy had obviously misunderstood their therapist-client relationship that had started on the wrong foot to begin with. Jaehyun wasn't obliged to do anything for him other than his scheduled sessions despite agreeing to call himself his friend.   
  
"Taeyong-ah, let's tal-"  
  
Suddenly he was hit by a rock-hard fist. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he realized his lip had been split. His hand went immediately up to touch the broken skin now throbbing from pain, feeling his index getting soaked in hot blood.   
  
Taeyong had backed off, massaging the knuckles of his right hand. Jaehyun recoiled in horror when he realized Taeyong was about to throw another punch towards Jaehyun's face. This time he dodged the blow and got hit in his neck instead. He was surprised to find the boy this strong.   
  
"Taeyong, you can't-" Jaehyun tried, but got kicked in his stomach and lost all the air in his lungs. Another kick hit him in his kidney and he fell to the ground, gasping for air.   
  
Everything was blurry for a few split seconds as he tried to refill his oxygen levels despite a possibly broken rib. Fuck he kicked hard, he thought, clutching at his stomach. Luckily he had developed a fairly good pain tolerance after his gang years, so getting beaten up by a skinny, untrained dude like Taeyong was nothing. It was just that he hadn't been in a fight in several years... 

When he tried to get up from the floor Taeyong landed another hard kick into his side. If his rib weren't broken already it surely was now, since the pain level suddenly doubled and he felt the taste of blood in his mouth once again. Jaehyun groaned and rolled to his other side. This was fucking stupid, not being able to defend himself, but rules were rules. If a client got violent they could call the guards (who always were present at their offices) or the cops, but never get physical in case it wasn't a life-or-death situation. That was because of legal reasons, since their clients seldom were sane enough to even understand the consequences of assaulting another person. Bullshit. Taeyong understood perfectly fine what he was doing.   
  
The silver haired boy stepped over Jaehyun and turned him onto his back, before sitting down to straddle his hips. Taeyong's expression was blank and strict, lips drawn into a tight line. His hair had been pushed forward over his eyes, exposing the sidecut Jaehyun had made him the second time they met. But the fear in his eyes was still there - it never went away_. He's not crazy, he's not. He's just misunderstood and lonely. But he's not a psychopath, _Jaehyun told himself, hoping he was right regarding his diagnosis. Since Taeyong didn't have anything to lose as he basically already lived as a prisoner in a cell made by himself and his parets - not to mention how easily he was ready to throw away his own life - the risk of things going down badly for Jaehyun was quite high. When he felt cool hands wrap around his throat just like they did the first time they met, he knew he had to take some action in case he didn't want to die at the age of 27.   
_  
__This little shit. __  
_  
Jaehyun grabbed hold of Taeyong's wrist and pulled them quickly away from his throat. Before the other realized what was happening, Jaehyun threw him against the floor and rolled on top of him, pinning his skinny wrists against the floor. Taeyong's eyes were widened by surprise.   
  
"Got you now" Jaehyun said and smiled to showcase his dimples, putting his whole bodyweight on top of the skinny boy beneath. The pyjamashorts he wore were so thin Jaehyun could feel his sharp hipbones against his inner thighs.   
  
But then the younger did an ugly trick and kneed the older forcefully right into his groin, making Jaehyun release his grip on the younger's wrists and fall down onto the floor to scream from pain.   
  
“…that's not cool" he hissed between gritted teeth, trying to recover from the insane pain throbbing inside his jeans.   
  
In the corner of his eye he saw Taeyong failing to get up from the floor as he stumbled over a heap of books. When he was down to his naked knees and hands Jaehyun saw his chance, and jumped up to charge despite the horrific pain still present in his lower stomach. He put his arm around Taeyong's neck from behind and lifted him up against his chest, the other hand trying to keep the younger's hands a bay.   
  
"You won't win, kitty. I'm both taller and a lot heavier than you, you'll just end up hurting yourself in a way that's not as pleasing as your usual ways of hurting yourself" Jaehyun growled with his lips almost touching his ear. The boy's hair smelled heavily of smoke as he probably hadn't even showered after the incident with the trash yesterday.   
  
"I'm gonna fuck you up and then kill both of us" The other whimpered, trying his best to get out of Jaehyun's hard grip.   
  
"Great" Jaehyun said and pressed his arm harder against Taeyong's throat.   
  
It was a mistake though, since Taeyong's mouth was now at a convenient distance to bite the older's arm. The sharp pain delivered by his row of teeth startled Jaehyun to such extent that his grip loosened up enough for Taeyong to wriggle himself free from his hold.   
  
The younger spun quickly around and punched Jaehyun into his temple. The punch was hard enough to aggravate the other to such extent that his fight or flight instinct surpassed his professionalism, and he ended up throwing a steel hard fist against Taeyong's cheek, hitting his nose at the same time and making it bleed.   
  
The force of the blow made Taeyong step back.   
  
"Jung" he said dazedly as he peered down at his pyjama shirt, seeing the drops of blood from his nose staining the fabric.   
  
For a short moment Jaehyun regretted hitting him, thinking he might have hit him way too hard and scared him from trusting other men ever again, but when the boy charged at him with sharp nails he couldn't do anything else than lift his fists up to protect himself again.   
  
Taeyong went behind him and grabbed his hair to yank his head back, before hitting his knee hard into Jaehyun’s already arched back.   
The sudden increase of endorphins relased into his bloodstream as a reaction to the sharp pain made Jaehyun grab the younger's wrist behind his head, and with the help of his entire bodyweight he threw the lighter boy over his shoulder against the floor in front of him. He landed on a pile of clothes and books and pencils (at least not Lego), dangerously close to the knife sharp pieces of glass that Taeyong had thrown against the wall earlier.   
  
Jaehyun wished he wouldn't notice the pieces, but to his immense disappointment the smart boy grabbed a piece of glass and quickly wrapped the base of it into a sock he found on the floor.   
  
A lunatic with a shank. Great. Fucking great, Jaehyun thought.   
  
It was way too dangerous to approach him now, so he waited for Taeyong to get up to his feet and advance close to Jaehyun on his own will. The blood from his nose had colored his light blue pyjamashirt dark red as well as his hair... no, the blood was indeed coming through his hair - he had probably hit his head against something sharp when landing onto the floor.   
_Oh god If Taeyong won't kill me his parents will_, Jaehyun thought and cried on the inside.   
  
"Taeyong, I know we don't understand each other, but please, listen" Jaehyun said, holding out his hands.   
  
Taeyong tilted his head to the side like Jaehyun's used to see him doing. This time he wasn't the slightest adorable, just.... Jaehyun refused to call him scary, but he looked like a person who didn't care the slightest about what happened to him or other human beings. For once, he truly looked mad. It might be the blood and the way his hair was a complete mess, pointing in all directions, but the fear in his eyes had turned into something feral, like a starving tiger's luring for its pray.   
  
"I don't give a living shit about anything you have to say, Jung"  
  
"Taeyongie, I know that’s not true… I promise... I promise I was honest. It's us two. No-one else. You and me, in this ... despicable house, but I can take you away from here". Jaehyun hated begging, but sometimes it worked on certain types of asocial lunatics. If he just succeeded in playing on Taeyong's heartstrings, since he knew they existed somewhere under that bony ribcage, he might get out of this unhurt...   
  
  


"Are you stupid? The whole point is that I don't wanna leave" Taeyong said, laughing a little so the blood splattered from his nose to the floor. Jaehyun let his hands fall against his thighs. Begging wasn't the solution here.   
  
  
Jaehyun sighed. "Okay, you know what? I could say that I don't care about you as it's my job to talk with people like you, but then I would be lying - I DO care about you. I don't know why, and how, but for some reason, I feel like I'm obligated to help you make your unfortunate situation better. If you keep terrorizing the people that wanna help you you'll never get out of your nightmare"  
  
Taeyong did in fact seem to listen to what he had to say, eyes going up and down Jaehyun's body, only to stop by his moving lips. The shank in his eyes glistened ominously under the fluorescent lights.   
  
"Let me guess, next you're gonna say that you like me"   
  
Taeyong's words felt like a stab in Jaehyun's heart, as he realized what a loveless home he had been living in once his sister moved out.   
  
"Well, I do. I do like you" Jaehyun replied softly.   
  
But the silver haired boy just shook his head and let his head fall between his shoulders. He seemed like a child in a man's body, which truthfully speaking was true at least when it came to emotional development. He still lived in a world of black and white, right or wrong and nothing in between.   
  
"No you don't. No-one except my sister has ever liked me". Taeyong lifted the shank in his hand and tried it carefully against his fingers. It was sharp enough to draw blood immidiately; making Jaehyun regret he ever accepted this damned case.   
  
"Okay. Give that to me, now" Jaehyun said firmly, reaching out his hand and walking towards Taeyong. He had to do something before his client started hurting himself for real. But that was obviously a mistake, as it only triggered the younger to charge forward, violently swinging his armed hand in the air towards Jaehyun. The glass blade made a high pitched sound as it cut the thick air of the room.   
  
"Oh fucking he-" Jaehyun said as he dodged a particularly close strike. The familiar fear flashed in Taeyong's eyes as he came up close to Jaehyun, and the hit too hard and too low to his right, almost falling forward by the power of it. Jaehyun saw his chance and grabbed Taeyong's armed wrist with his own left hand, and before the boy knew it, he received a rockhard right fist in his sharp jawline. The impact stunned him, and he lost his balance, enabling Jaehyun to deliver another bonecrushing punch at the side of his head. For some weird reason, despite being in a dangerous situation where one or both of them could lose their lives, Jaehyun wanted to spare Taeyong's outworldly face and therefor aimed his punches at his cheeks rather than his nose or lips. But he had to hit hard to make a point, so no saving at that aspect.   
  
The second punch made him drop the shank at the floor.   
  
Taeyong was whimpering and holding his cheek with his left hand, but somehow he still wanted to try, and threw a surprisingly hard fist just above Jaehyun's eye. It would surely leave him a nasty black eye that he would have to prepare a fake backstory for at work for the days to come.   
  
Enough is enough, though.   
  
Jaehyun aimed at his temple and let his fist fly one last time, and this time it was enough to knock the younger out completely. He was dangerously close to fall on top of the shattered pieces of glass, so Jaehyun had to catch his limp body in his arms and drag him towards a safer corner. Just when he was about to put him down, the younger grunted and took control of his body again. He fell to a seated position against the wall, eyes still closed from a grueling headache and the dizziness of having been unconscious for a couple of seconds. Luckily his nose had stopped bleeding, but he truly looked like a complete, utter mess.   
  
Jaehyun crouched down next to him, stabilizing his head against the wall and making sure his breathing was unobstructed. Knocking him out had certainly been the stupidest thing Jaehyun had ever done in his career. His client was now suffering from a concussion which meant he had to be watched over for the next 24 hours. How on earth would he be able to explain this at the hospital... He could probably wave goodbye to his license right now, for all that mattered.   
  
"My head hurts...." Taeyong mumbled, massaging his forehead with the back of his hand.   
  
"I bet it does" Jaehyun said with his hand on top of Taeyong's shoulder.   
  
His client's eyes shot open as he realized what had happened. His whole body tensed up and he pulled his knees closer to him as he saw Jaehyun crouching next to him. Jaehyun was sure he would freak out any second and start choking him again - maybe he should have given him some midazolam to shush him up...   
  
The boy's bottom lip was trembling as his huge black eyes stared into Jaehyun's brown ones. He looked so small under his messy, bloodied hair, wearing a once light blue pyjamas now covered in red. Jaehyun realized how much he pitied him. It wasn't easy to be born different into a dysfunctional family, only to be scarred for life by evilness at a young age. Of course he had his mental problems (who doesn't, by the way?) but he had had all the potential to become a nice 22-year old young man if he had just received the proper love and care that all humans deserved. Neglect was the cause of Taeyong’s downfall – and it was such a waste it shattered Jaehyun’s heart to a thousand pieces. All of a sudden Jaehyun found himself cherishing that beautiful face behind the blood and bruises. _Of all people, I... I might have the chance to get through and save him.__  
__  
_"Jae-" He began, slightly panicky with a hoarse voice. “I believed your words were dust, Jung”   
  
"Taeyongie, easy now, I won't hurt you if you just stay calm-" Jaehyun leaned closer to his level, so that he could see every single fluttering lash of the boy's eyelids. _  
_  
Taeyong pushed his silver hair behind his ear with a shaking hand.   
  
"You need to talk to me with a voice I hear..." He said quietly, before reaching out the same arm to touch Jaehyun's bruised cheek with the tip of his fingers. "With words I understand"  
  
“What? What do you mean?” Jaehyun’s words went to deaf ears as Taeyong was only focusing on the feel of Jaehyun’s skin under his fingertips. The older’s eyes were instantly drawn to the silver haired man’s plush trembling lips, reddened by his own blood at its left corner. He quickly glanced up to Taeyong's watery eyes who weren't longer gazing into his.   
  
The younger parted his lips slightly as he exhaled, and somehow, he still doesn't know how, Taeyong had wrapped his shaking hand around the nape of Jaehyun's neck to pull him closer. Time stood still when their swollen lips finally met, pressing timidly against each other in a vain attempt to heal each other’s bruises.   
  
This chaste kiss was shared in silence, and it lasted for a few seconds to hours, Jaehyun couldn't tell. But when they finally parted and he felt the cool air against his face he knew that kissing Taeyong’s lips, despite the blood and smoke and filth, was something that he would long for for the rest of his life.   
  
It was clear that neither of them understood what was going on.   
  
Jaehyun even considered it being just a mere trick to divert his attention from the real danger. But there weren't any knives or fists or foul words incoming, just a crushed silver haired boy and a fallen, utterly confused therapist.   
  
The silence was broken by Taeyong's sniveling, and he opened his mouth to speak.   
  
"I-"  
  
More than that couldn't be produced, as his lower lip started trembling again.   
  
Jaehyun quickly embraced him, putting his arms around the boy just like he did the week before. He was still utterly shocked of what had just happened, but this - holding him against his chest and putting his hand on the back of his head – it felt natural. His fingers got wet and he remembered that Taeyong still had a bleeding cut in his scalp.  
  
He had to be cleaned, fed and calmed down, and furthermore, monitored for said 24 hours to make sure his level of consciousness wasn't about to drop on the GCS scale.   
  
"Shhh, it's okay Taeyongie, it's okay. I'm here. I won't hurt you anymore and you won't hurt me, right? It's just you and me, without fighting, just being nice and calm and warm together..."  
  
Jaehyun glanced at the room they were in. It was a mess - not to mention dangerous with the pieces of shattered glass everywhere. He patted the other's back slowly and waited for his breathing to even out a little before talking again.  
  
"Taeyong-ah, we need to patch you up but it's dangerous up here with all the glass. How about we clean you up in your bathroom and then go downstairs and sleep in the guestroom?"  
  
The boy flinched when he heard that he might have to leave his chaotic room.   
  
"It's just for this day, I'll ask those contractors downstairs to clean up your room too. Then you can go back, alright?"   
  
Taeyong sniffed loudly but didn't protest. _  
_Eventually he released his hold on Jaehyun's shirt and straightened his back, something that Jaehyun took as a sign that it was time to go clean him up.   
  
Jaehyun helped him up to stand and was alarmed to find that his walking was slightly wobbly. The concussion he got must be making him dizzy, not to mention giving him that grueling headache, too. Jaehyun escorted him wordlessly to his private bathroom, trying to come up with a plan how to make the silver haired boy look civilized again in front of his parents when they finally came back home. Dubiously he closed the bathroom door behind Taeyong, hoping he was conscious enough to pull his shorts down by himself.   
  
With the boy in safety inside the bathroom, Jaehyun proceeded to search his drawers for some clean clothes. He picked out some grey shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt, and went to pick up his bag where he kept his small storage of drugs. When he crouched down to get his bag he noticed a drawing that he hadn't seen before. His heart jumped up into his throat when he recognized his own face on the carefully drawn black and white picture.   
  
Jaehyun picked it up somewhat apprehensively. It was indeed a perfectly drawn, immensely detailed photorealistic portrait of him. He realized it was from their first meeting, since his hair looked kind of wet where it was pulled back behind his ears. In the picture he wasn't exactly smiling, but there was something happy about the way his eyes were staring dreamingly into the distance.   
Jaehyun put the drawing carefully back to the floor from where he had picked it up. This whole situation was weird, and an uncannily realistic drawing of himself wasn't making it better to say the least.   
  
After the toilet had been flushed Jaehyun dared to step inside the bathroom again. Taeyong was standing awkwardly by the sink, washing his bloodied hands half-heartedly.   
  
"Okay, how about you sit down here on the toilet now? I'll clean your face" Jaehyun said, and guided the dizzy boy to sit down on top of the lid of the toilet.   
  
Taeyong wasn't saying anything anymore, just staring emptily into nothingness just like he had done the day when he was trying to "cut" his hair with a shaver.   
  
Jaehyun proceeded to clean Taeyong's face from dried blood with a cotton ball dipped in warm water, pleased to find the boy being this obedient for once. An ugly bruise was forming on his cheek, but otherwise his face looked quite okay. His unfortunate left eyebrow was missing its tail-part from yesterday’s fire but that could be hidden nicely with swiping his bangs to the side.   
  
The cut in the back of his head was fairly small too. He couldn't wash his hair right now but he managed to rub most of the blood away from his gray strands. It struck Jaehyun that he hadn't even thought about how it was possible that this 22-year old kid even had gray hair. It gotta be dye, right? Maybe he was dying his roots weekly too?   
  
After finishing up his face, Jaehyun proceeded to pull the bloodied t-shirt off over his head. He quivered by the sight of Taeyong's bare upper body, highly embarrassed by his own bodily reactions. The blood had seeped through the fabric and stained his chest too, something that bothered Jaeyhun an awful lot since he wasn't sure if it was even okay for him to touch that area or not. With crossed arms he examined the naked situation, wondering if the dried blood would be noticeable under the long-sleeved t-shirt if he didn't clean it away immediately. Too bad the shirt he brought was white, and...   
  
"Well, I guess I... I'll just..." He stammered when realizing that he eventually just had to clean him up since the showers were apparently in another bathroom outside Taeyong’s room. So he dipped the towel in warm water and started to gently clean the blood away from the younger’s chest. Taeyong shivered a little, but it had to be because of the wet towel, Jaehyun concluded with reddened cheeks.   
  
When he was done he helped Taeyong to put on the fresh long sleeve until he looked like a decent, just slightly beaten up young man again. He turned his back around when Taeyong changed to clean shorts.   
  
"Here's some paracetamol for the headache and a little oxazepam to make you sleep better. It's just a small dose since I will have to wake you up every two hours to check how you're feeling". Taeyong took the pills that Jaehyun offered him and downed them with a big glass of water. It was weird seeing him this calm considering how destructive he had been just a few hours earlier. 

After that, he led him out of the chaotic room all the way downstairs. It seemed like the boy wasn’t struggling even nearly as much as Jaehyun had suspected when it came to moving around the rest of the house. After all, he had been down the day before to start a fire, and apparently he also used the shower on the upper floor regularly (Jaehyun truly hoped so). Apparently he just found the rest of the house completely uninteresting and unnecessary. Jaehyun chuckled a little by how absurd the situation truly was.    
  
The maid gasped when she met the tired couple on their way to the guest room.    
  
"Mr. Jaehyun! What has happened to your face?? Did he..." She wailed and pulled her hands up to her face.    
  
"I'll tell you later. It's okay. Are there fresh sheets in the guestroom? I think Taeyong has to stay there tonight. His room is ... Well, I'll explain later"    
  
The maid seemed perplexed, but nodded and run ahead of them to the guestroom to prepare the bed **. ** **   
**   
  
An hour later Taeyong was sleeping soundly like nothing bad had ever happened to him.    
Jaehyun had quickly explained the situation to the maid who promised to make sure Taeyong’s room got properly cleaned before tomorrow afternoon. Since Jaehyun didn't want to take him to the hospital he decided to stay the night and watch over the boy. He was medically trained after all, and concussions weren't that hard to take care of as long as you looked out for possible hemorrhages forming inside the skull.    
  
_ What have I gotten into _ , Jaehyun thought when he finally was alone on a bed sofa in the Lee family living room.  _ Taeyong is as unstable as a nuclear reactor in meltdown _ . He could be trying to cut his wrists or Jaehyun's throat the next day just as much as he might fall into the older's embrace. And the kiss... Not in a million years would Jaehyun have expected that turn of events – he had been so shocked that he didn’t have time to stop it from happening either. It probably happened due to the concussion - Taeyong hadn't been able to think straight (Jaehyun cringed hard for even thinking that pun out loud) and just acted according to whatever hallucinations he were having that time. The incident would probably be completely forgotten by him the following morning. 

Jaehyun knew he wouldn't be able forget it. And not in a million years would he want that moment to drift into oblivion either.    



	5. Session 5

Around 7 a.m. he told Yeonha to take over watching Taeyong as he had to get going back to his real office. The boy seemed fine enough, waking up every two hours to answer some simple questions about where he was and what day it is. Jaehyun was relieved to find the boy hadn't developed any amnesias either that would need to be examined with tomographic imaging at the hospital. He himself wasn't feeling too well, having an exploding headache behind his black eye. But he had to get going to work - he was scheduled with another client before lunch, headachy or not. Yeonha was at least nice enough to help him to cover the worst bruising on his face with her concealer.    
  
"You look good. A little rough around the edges but it suits you" She said coyly with a sweet smile.    
  
Jaehyun downed a few pills of ibuprofen.    
  
"Mhm. I think I'll drop by after work. I need to check on him. He was kinda pissed earlier since I didn't visit for over a week"    
  
"So I heard.... Well, he's lucky to have you. I look forward to your visit"    
  
Jaehyun nodded. He wasn't so sure if he could agree with that statement. After yesterday's happenings there was no-way he could continue as Taeyong's therapist, at least not officially. All he could hope was that Yeonha and the boy himself didn't spill the truth about the origin of his bruises to his parents who apparently where coming home in just a few days. There was no use in trying to justify it in the name of self-defense either, since Taeyong was both smaller in size, technically unarmed as well as mentally ill. Jaehyun could just have walked out and called the cops - but he didn't. He chose to willingly hit his client in the face, end of story.    
  
Not to talk about the complete turn of tables when some or both of them initiated a kiss.    
  
It's... Jaehyun just couldn't understand how that had happened. Or then he denied the reason, considering how he didn't turn his face away, didn't break the contact - just went along, because it felt good - and kind of right in a twisted way.    
  
He shivered slightly when thinking about it, but it was probably just the cool morning wind causing this reaction in his body, nothing more.    
  
Explaining his black eye for his co-workers was also sort of an ordeal.    
  
"Did that Lee boy hit you??" Doyoung said, a senior of his who had also met the boy once at their house. "Crazy motherfucker!"    
  
For some reason, Jaehyun felt the need of protecting his client - or then he was just ashamed of admitting how he provoked him long enough to get punched.    
  
"What, no, no of course not... "   
  
Doyoung crooked his eyebrow. "Who was it then?"   
  
Jaehyun was gathering some papers in an attempt to look too busy to discuss this matter, but he couldn't just leave without answering either.    
  
"I got into a fight last night, nothing more... Sorry I need to go to the copy room"   
  
"You got into a fight on a Wednesday night? Where?"    
  
Jaehyun felt his cheeks redden. "Uuuh.... My girlfriend got mad at me"    
  
"Since when did you have a girlfriend? Weren’t you gay or something?"    
  
Ah, shit, he forgot that he'd told him about his hopelessly bisexual bachelor's life.    
  
"Uhm... Yeonha, uh, Me and Yeonha met a month ago. He’s… She's kinda spicy"   
  
Doyoung didn't believe him for a second, but let him get away with his lousy explanation. "So it seems"

After an infuriately long day at work (the ibuprofen luckily took away most of his headache) he drove straight back to the Lee house. Yeonha had texted him that she had prepared dinner for him as well in advance. She was a sweet girl, but Jaehyun felt kind of bad for lying about her being his girlfriend to Doyoung. All he could hope was that Doyoung didn't recognize her as the Lee family's maid. Furthermore, she seemed to like Jaehyun on a slightly more personal level which kind of made the whole set-up even more uncomfortable. Jaehyun didn't have any interests in dating her - she was way too young, first of all.   
  
"You think Taeyong would agree on coming down for dinner?" Jaehyun asked. His client had moved straight back to his own room after it had been cleaned out of glass.   
  
The girl raised her eyebrows. "You kidding me, Mr. Jung?" She scoffed before continuing to prepare a tray for him with dinner to take up.   
  
Jaehyun shrugged.   
  
"I could take it up for him" He said. "Actually, I could take up my meal as well. I want to get him used to socializing over everyday things such as dining"   
  
Yeonha looked slightly disappointed to lose her company, but agreed on the proposition.   
  
So a little later Jaehyun went up to Taeyong's now once again tidy room with a tray of food for both of them. He was pleased to find the boy awake, drawing something (that seemed to be a terrier) on the floor. He didn't look up when Jaehyun greeted him, but a slight pause of his hand indicated that he at least had noticed the other coming.   
  
"I brought you dinner" Jaehyun said and put the tray down onto the floor next to his silver haired client. "I thought we could eat together"   
  
He sat down himself and began to remove the lids from the cups with side dishes.   
  
"Is it okay for you?" He asked.   
  
When the younger didn't answer he nudged him gently on his shoulder, the touch awkwardly gentle compared to how they had been fighting each other the day before.   
  
"Taeyongie?"   
  
"I don't care" the younger asked without much emotion at all. _Back to square one, apparently…_   
  
Jaehyun sighed. "Well of course you don't. Oh well, I'm starving! Bon appetite!" He took a large portion of rice and meat stew in a bowl and placed it into his lap. Taeyong didn't have a table in his room so he supposed he usually ate at his desk or on the floor anyway.   
  
The food was good, and the smell of it even better. Jaehyun cheered quietly on the inside when the younger put the cap back on his marker and turned around to face the tray of food. Silently he watched as the other man, once again clad in completely black, began to make himself a portion of food. A slight shadow of a bruising was forming on his temple and on his jaw, but otherwise he didn't look nearly as beaten up as Jaehyun did. Some slight eye bags had formed under his eyes due to being woken up multiple times during the night, but otherwise he looked fine, as handsome as ever. His hair was finally properly washed too from yesterday's mess.   
  
Jaehyun didn't dare to speak before he was sure his client felt comfortable enough to dine with him on the floor, bowls in hands next to the shared tray. Taeyong was interestingly enough the first one to break the silence.   
  
"You're watching me"  
  
The older's ears turned red as he realized he had been staring at him quite blatantly for a good while now. He quickly bowed his head down to focus on the dark meat between his chop sticks.   
"Sorry. Just making sure you feel alright"   
  
"I feel alright"   
  
They fell into an awkward silence again.   
  
Jaehyun didn't actually know what he was doing there at all. This wasn't one of his scheduled appointments, and in all honesty, he weren't even supposed to continue on seeing the boy considering how many boundaries he had already crossed. But how to break it to his client? Jaehyun felt a little bit egomaniacal for thinking that Taeyong would be unhappy if he told him that he wouldn't be seeing him again, but he still thought there was some truth to that belief.   
  
When they had both quietly finished their food, Jaehyun collected the sides and empty bowls back onto the tray.   
  
"You want some tea?" He asked before taking it back down.   
  
Taeyong looked at him with his sad, doe eyes before nodding slightly.   
  
Jaehyun couldn't help but smile a little before opening the door. _I can't leave him, not when there's so much hope for him. __  
__  
_Jaehyun was smiling widely when he came down to the kitchen. Yeonha was doing the dishes and noticed Jaehyun's wide, dimpled smile.   
  
"Did he actually eat with you??"  
  
The older nodded proudly. Together they filled the dishwasher as they waited for the teawater to boil.   
  
15 minutes later the therapist and his client sat on the floor again with a mug of hot tea each.  
  
"Sorry for waking you up all night long" Jaehyun said, watching the water swirl in the beautiful green, porcelain mug.   
  
Taeyong shrugged, looking emptily at his hands.   
  
Jaehyun took a sip of his tea, trying to come up with a way to get some conversation starting. It was always like that - a long and tedious search for the right key to open Taeyong's mouth.   
  
"You know that after the things that happened yesterday I'm really not fit to be your therapist anymore" Jaehyun said.   
  
The boy raised his gaze towards Jaehyun, watching him under heavy bangs. His expression was still blank, but at least he was listening.   
  
"But if we keep this between you and me I might be able to continue coming here despite it being wrong"  
  
"Why would it be wrong?" Taeyong asked.   
  
Jaehyun almost burnt his tongue on the tea when hearing that voice sound through the room.   
  
"Oh, well, as a therapist I am not allowed to use force against my clients"   
  
Taeyong didn't answer, but put his tea down next to his knees before crossing his hands in his lap, as an indication that he was indeed still waiting for an explanation.  
  
Jaehyun looked at him somberly before continuing. "Well, so I guess it's really up to you. If you want me to continue coming here I will do so, but in that case only as a friend. I believe in you, you know"   
  
The younger brushed his hair away from his face, placing it in place behind his ear with a pair of bobby pins he apparently had in his pocket. Then he shrugged, again, as he always does.   
  
"Taeyongie?"   
  
Taeyong picked his teacup up again and blew the hot steam away from its surface. Jaehyun waited patiently for him to drink it as he knew it was just a way to avoid the need of answering.  
  
"Taeyong-ah, this is about you"  
  
"I don't care", he finally said.   
  
Jaehyun frowned. "Yes you do", he replied slightly irritated. His professionality was long gone so he might just as well act casually with the younger.   
  
The younger tilted his head to the side and stared emptily at Jaehyun (or through him, the older couldn't tell).   
  
"If you don't answer me I won't come. If you really don't care then I won't waste my time here anymore" Jaehyun believed it was better to be honest if they were to continue these weird-ass non-therapeutic hang-outs.   
  
Taeyong finished his tea in one go before fixing his dark eyes on Jaehyun's face again.   
  
"Is this why you don't have a girlfriend?"   
_  
__Well, not exactly the answer I wanted but..._   
  
"What?"   
  
"You don't have a girlfriend because you like to kiss guys instead"   
  
Jaehyun felt the color drain from his face as a cold chill travelled throughout his body, waking him up like an iced americano with four extra shots of espresso. Of course the younger hadn't forgotten about _that_ detail from the day before. Jaehyun hadn't even planned to address the issue, afraid it would catch fire and blow up.   
  
"No, I like women too"   
  
_But not as much as I like you. _

Taeyong blinked a few times, scanning Jaehyun's face for some crumbles to hang on to.   
  
"But I'm not a woman" He simply said, making the older's face even redder.   
  
Jaehyun had to put down his tea cup because he was afraid he might spill it over his lap otherwise.   
  
"Taey-... no, don't. I don't want to talk about this" he looked at his own naked ringfinger, reminding him of how sad of a bachelor he was still by the age of 27. "I don't want to talk about this ever again"  
  
Misery took over the younger's beautiful face, and for a second Jaehyun regretted saying it that harshly - after all, his heart knew he was in denial, but he still didn't let his brain accept that as a fact.  
  
Taeyong nodded slightly, before turning his back to Jaehyun and picking up his markers again to continue on his drawing.   
  
_Fuck I blew it. __  
_  
Jaehyun sighed and got up from the floor, stretching his back. _Gosh I'm getting old, too. __  
_He walked around the silver haired boy and went to sit on his bed instead, so that Jaehyun could watch his delicate right hand draw millimeter long hairs on the sketch he had started on earlier.   
  
"Yes" Taeyong said lowly without lifting his eyes from the paper.  
  
"What yes?"   
  
"Yes as in I still want you to come visit me"   
  
Jaehyun let out a small gasp from excitement, hoping the younger didn't notice. Why he was this excited to return to this god forsaken house where he nearly got beat up to pulp is still a mystery. Maybe it was the thrill of not having a single clue about his client’s next move. Maybe it was because of the sense of pride he got from the fact that he actually had gotten through to this man unlike Doyoung and many others before him.   
  
"That's great, Taeyong-ah. I have a lot of ideas"  
  
"what ideas?" Taeyong said, making small scraping sounds against the paper with his marker.

Jaehyun thought a while before answering. He didn't want to appear too pushy either, but he had to address his concerns.

"As a friend... Okay, you're not gonna like this, but, I firmly believe this house is not good for you"

He was mesmerized by Taeyong's quick wrist movements as he let the marker wander over a wider area.

"It's toxic and keeps your shitty memories alive, suppressing your right to be yourself"

Every detail of the younger’s body was elegant and timeless, from his hands to his broad shoulders, that prominent collarbone peeking out from beneath his boat necked black t-shirt. The scar under his right eye was a bittersweet reminder of his stormy backstory. Jaehyun couldn’t bring himself to look away from this ice prince. 

"Taeyong are you listening?" 

As usual he didn't answer but Jaehyun had learnt to look for ques from his body language to indicate that he was indeed hearing every single word that Jaehyun was saying.  _ So responsive. Lovely. _

"So I think it'll be best to move you out of here as soon as possible. To your own place. You're soon to be 23 years old and I don't see any reasons why you shouldn't learn to take care of yourself. Your parents are just feeding your antisocial behavior by keeping your therapy at home. And as you said yourself, you are not an autist, just... you’re just a bit troubled, that’s all. It might ease as we get you out of this freaking house"

Taeyong had stopped drawing by now. 

Jaehyun waited for him to snap back at him but when he didn't, he assumed it was okay to continue his speech, nervously scratching the back of his neck. 

"I understand that you don’t want to move out of the home you’ve lived in for two decades but I'm certain you'd feel a lot better -" 

"Bold of you to insult my family and our home", Taeyong said harshly before continuing doing soft lines around the terrier's nose. 

"Uh, I'm sor-" Jaehyun begun nervously. He knew that Taeyong would protest one way or another but- 

"But I do hate this place too" 

Jaehyun's frown was replaced by astonishment. 

"Oh" 

"This room is the only place where I can be alone, though" The boy said and lifted the drawing up to take a better look on the lines he’d just done. 

"That looks an awful lot like Sylvi, by the way" Jaehyun suddenly said. He felt like he had to point it out before things got out of hand. And indeed, the terrier Taeyong was drawing looked exactly like his mother's dog. Then again, he had a photographic memory - something that Jaehyun had got to experience on a quite intimate level. He hadn’t mentioned that he had seen the portrait Taeyong had made of him. 

"Yes. You like it?" The younger said calmly, finally gazing back at Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun replied with a dimpled smile. "Yes, it's great! My mother would love to hang that up on her wall. You're really sitting on amazing talent" 

A slight smile spread over Taeyong's otherwise stone-cold face. There was something magic about that smile, considering how it made Jaehyun's heart flutter from honest adoration. Someday he'll tell him. That he has the most amazing smile. 

"You mean my ass?" 

Jaehyun froze when hearing the younger say such a sentence. Wait, he hadn't been looking at his... no, what, that’s impossible? 

Taeyong noticed the older's confusion and let his head fall between his shoulders in disappointment. 

"I tried to tell a joke, Jung" he said with a frown, angrily coloring the dog's nose black.

Oh. 

_ Oh wow okay.  _

He hadn't expected the other to even be capable of thinking out jokes in his presence. Suddenly he felt like bursting out into laughter - not because of the other's silly joke, but at the fact that Taeyong actually seemed upset when Jaehyun didn't get it.    
  
With crinkled eyes he suppressed the urge to laugh down to a slight chuckle.    
  
"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't get it. You're too cute, Yongie" He managed to say.    
  
Jaehyun didn't fail to notice how the younger's pale cheeks turned a shade of pink.    
  
" ' _ Yongie _ ' " he muttered.    
  
"Taeyong, sorry" Jaehyun corrected.    
  
"It's okay"    
  
They fell into an slightly more comfortable silence than before. Jaehyun watched his client draw, finding it kind of relaxing to follow the marker forming lines of different thicknesses on the paper. It seemed like Taeyong only focused on one small part at the time without ever checking how it looked in proportions to the whole picture. But then again, he probably didn't even need to do that, considering how he already had the complete picture in his head to guide his hand. At first, Jaehyun had thought the boy made art as to express his creativity, but in truth he actually did it as a way of emptying and relaxing his mind - he probably didn't have to think at all when drawing out pictures like blue prints impeccably out of memory. Was it creative, his way of drawing identical copies of things he had seen? Not that much. Was it impressive? Fascinating? Eye-catching? Indeed - and that's why his method of creating drawings were as much art as anything.    
  
Jaehyun remembered they had been in the middle of a discussion.   
  
"Why don't you just move to your own place, then? No one would be there to bother you"    
  
"Guess" Taeyong answered, focusing on a particularly detailed part around the dog's eye.    
  
"You don't care?" Jaehyun tried, though he knew that line didn't mean anything anymore since Taeyong knew Jaehyun could see through it.    
  
"Well, partly true - when you feel like dying, you don't really care where you-"   
  
"Taeyong."    
  
The younger sighed dramatically. "How did you even come up with the idea of pursuing psychiatry if you can't deal with suicidal people?"    
  
"I'm your quite biased friend now and I don't wanna hear you talk about how you've attempted to take your own life"    
  
Taeyong chuckled lowly. "Sure". He put down his marker, though the picture wasn't quite finished yet. Then he got up from the floor and went to sit onto the bed next to Jaehyun. His weight changed the balance of the mattress and forced Jaehyun to adjust his position so he wouldn't fall against him.    
  
"But please do finish your explanation on why you haven't moved to your own place yet" Jaehyun said, glancing curiously at the silver haired boy willingly sitting next to him. He was still flabbergasted over how strong the boy had been while fighting, considering how his thighs were so thin Jaehyun could probably cover one of them completely with a palm of his hand.    
  
"I don't have money" He simply said.    
  
Jaehyun almost choked. The Lee family was one of the richest households in town?   
  
"What? It's my parents money, not mine, asshole" Taeyong said before Jaehyun even had the chance to open his mouth.    
  
"They won't lend you money to rent an apartment either?"   
  
"No. Those bitches want me to work for my money. They think it's a way to motivate me to get a grip of my life. I guess they're kinda pissed that I jumped off art school despite them paying loads for the university tuition fees"    
  
Jaehyun shrugged. It made sense, really - in a case where the kid was just lazy and not suffering from crippling depression.    
  
Taeyong sighed again and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Jaehyun glanced at him and noticed that his eyes were slightly puffy. He realized it was at least 2 hours since they finished dinner - the boy was probably tired, considering how he had been woken up multiple times during the night to answer silly questions.    
  
"You okay?" Jaehyun asked softly.    
  
Taeyong nodded as he removed the bobby pins to fingercomb his long, silver hair. A violet colored bruise was evident on his forehead - luckily easily hidden by his bangs.    
  
"I'm glad you agreed to talk with me, you know" He continued, as the boy put the pins back into his tight jeans pocket. Then he turned towards Jaehyun, staring him into his eyes just as intensely as the first time they met some weeks ago.    
  
"I don't think I've talked this much since my sister left". A slight smile played on the corner of his lip, making Jaehyun feel all warm and fuzzy in his chest.    
  
"I’m happy to hear that"    
  
Truly - he hadn't felt this happy about a client’s advancement in a very long time - probably never. Funny how a good fistfight was the only thing needed to make them open up to each other properly.   
  
Taeyong locked his gaze with his doll-like eyes, and suddenly the fear was gone, the hate was gone - the melancholy was still there, but it was softer, more approachable - maybe slightly affectionate, even.    
  
The next thing to exit Taeyong's mouth changed Jaehyun's views and perceptions of himself forever, though he didn't know that in the existing moment at time.    
  
"Touch me" The other whispered.    
  
Did he hear it right?    
  
Jaehyun’s mind went haywire as he heard those two, small, pleading words exit Taeyong's plush pink lips. He must have misheard - he must have - and most importantly, he should definitely ignore the thing he believed he just heard.    
  
Why would his client ... or... okay, his so called friend (Hadn’t he been lying about that friend-thing just to make Taeyong feel better, right? He couldn't possibly be becoming friends with a client, could he?  _ God this starts to sound awful _ ) want him to touch him?    
  
Like, in what way? Hug him? Scratch his back? Poke him like he was a facebook profile? No way he would-   
  
"Touch me, Jae. Please"    
  
He had never been one to use honorifics anyway.    
  
Jaehyun fumbled for words. "H-..But how"    
  
Taeyong then reached out for his hand, grabbed it and dragged it to his jeans clad leg, pressing it down against warm flesh, somewhere halfway up his thigh. Jaehyun stopped breathing then and there.    
  
No. He shouldn't _ . I cannot. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I can...  _ _   
_ _   
_ Taeyong was watching his hand spread around his thigh that was just as small as Jaehyun had imagined it being under his palm. His mouth was open, like he was about to say something, but he didn't make a sound.    
  
Jaehyun panicked, not knowing what to do. It would be awkward if he just froze on the spot. It would be awful if he just left the room, hurting this sad boy's feelings even more. It would be atrocious, alarming, appalling, completely amazing, if he just continued, squeezing the boy's leg as he slowly, slowly rubbed it upwards. If he ever were to experience the thrill of having a million butterflies somersaulting inside his stomach it was now.    
  
When he finally dared to leave his eyes from his trembling hand he saw the silver haired boy watch him with equal interest, beautiful and cool as the first snow on the mountain. His usually harsh and severely straight eyebrows had softened into an arch making him look like a puppy begging to be petted. How could these two sides of Taeyong even be part of the same person?    
  
Heavy lidded dark eyes were looking down at Jaehyun's lips, and just like the first time the older didn’t have the will-power to hinder himself from falling for temptation when he let his body lean towards the younger's thinner frame.    
  
Warm lips, this time free from blood and sweat, met for a second time - now with more intetion, since they both knew neither had stepped out of the game when it happened yesterday.    
  
Taeyong smelled of vanilla and sturdy paper while his lips felt softer than anything Jaehyun had ever kissed before. They weren't dried out by endless use of lipstick and chemically fragranced chapstick, but soft, natural, just the way they should be. He took the liberty to press closer when Taeyong's hand went up to rest against the nape of his neck. The younger made the slightest sound of pleasure inside his mouth, and it was the single most enticing sound Jaehyun had ever heard.    
  
Jaehyun wasn't sure if the other had ever even kissed anyone before. Actually, he didn't even care. That's what he thought when he slightly parted his lips to let the other know he was open for more. Taeyong obviously hesitated, but soon opened his mouth as well, letting Jaehyun taste the wetness of his lips against his tongue. Taeyong’s hand was playing with the caramel strands in Jaehyun’s neck, tugging coyly.    
  
A small gasp escaped Jaehyun's lips as he became too excited, and as if his ears weren't already red they blossomed up into a deep crimson. Taeyong felt his embarrassment and pulled apart the slightest, lips still hovering over Jaehyun's. Hot breath burned his skin, and Jaehyun couldn't help it when he closed the distance again, to kiss him hard one more time just to make sure the other didn't think he felt ashamed. Taeyong angled his face and kissed him deeper, whining against Jaehyun’s mouth and pulling him closer by his neck. Jaehyun felt his insides burning as he wanted to feel the boy more, taste him more, and without really thinking he squeezed the younger’s thigh hard enough to leave bruises.   
  
Then they parted, one's eyes heavy with desire, the other's sparkling from animation, Jaehyun quickly realized his hand had travelled way too far up Taeyong's thigh - WAY too far, and he withdraw it with a quick gasp.    
  
The seriousness of their situation came to him so much realer than the night before.    
  
"Taeyong, it's... "   
  
He searched for words while fiddling with his own hands, not knowing what to do with them now when they weren't touching the only thing that mattered in this house.    
  
How was he even supposed to continue on from this? This wasn't right - Taeyong's family were still paying for Jaehyun's visits, in a hope to get their son back into society again - not to kiss him,  _ touch him, e _ ven!    
  
And it wasn’t like there actually was anything real between them - This was nothing but a classic example of transference, so Jaehyun should be able to withstand the temptation to satisfy his own inappropriate needs by taking advantage of his client’s false beliefs. Taeyong was unconsciously projecting his unanswered desires upon his therapist, and it wasn’t real, it wasn’t love – Jaehyun knew this, he fucking knew, so how could he have been this weak?    
  
This couldn't end well. Someone would eventually find out. Jaehyun didn’t have any options left now – he would have to break the contract despite knowing that he still needed to visit Taeyong and finish the thing he started. He wasn’t sure how it would work out, since is conscience wouldn’t allow him to accept money for his visits anymore.    
  
"Taeyong-ah, it's getting late, I should... We have to talk about this another time" 

The younger was watching him from the corner of his eye while playing mindlessly with the hem of his shirt, cheeks rosy from the kiss they'd shared. Jaehyun hoped he could stop biting his reddening bottom lip - it triggered the older in all the wrong ways.    
  
"I think I should go now" Jaehyun said, leaving Taeyong to sit alone on his bed. "I'm sorry but I'll.. Talk to you later" 

"Jung?" 

Jaehyun quickly cleaned the tea cups away and walked towards the door. 

"Jaehyun!" 

He had to turn around. Taeyong had jumped up from the bed, eyebrows back to their normal level of severity. 

"Dont go" The younger said with his usual cool expression. 

Jaehyun shook his head. "I'm sorry but I can't stay here all night" 

"But my parents are coming tomorrow" he whined, walking closer to the older. 

_ He's that afraid of his parents _ ? God, he must really despise them - and suddenly he felt kind of bad for the busy businesscouple unable to understand why their son was what he was.   
  
"I'll come see you tomorrow after work"    
  
Taeyong's eyes narrowed. Before Jaehyun had time to react, the silver haired man had grabbed his wrist and twisted it around in a way that forced Jaehyun's arm up against his back. It hurt like crazy,  _ where the fuck had he learnt moves like that- _ _   
_ _   
_ Taeyong pressed Jaehyun up against the wall, standing behind him and twisting his arm in his hands. 

"I demand you to stay, Jung" he said coldly, dropping every single ounce of softness he had just a few minutes ago.   
  
_ Goddamned, I'm gonna up his mood stabilizers tomorrow for sure _ , Jaehyun thought, cursing over the boy's ridiculous changeability. When he didn't answer the silver haired man twisted his right arm even harder, straining it all the way up to his shoulder joint. 

"Don't break my fucking arm, I need it" Jaehyun said before kicking the younger hard in his shinbone. The diversion gave him some space to push off the wall and throw his free elbow hard into Taeyong's chest, making the other lose both his breath as his hold on Jaehyun. Something sounding like either cartilage or hollow bone cracked in Taeyong’s chest.    
  
"And you're not one to demand anything of me, damnit! I'm your senior, so show some respect! If you’re gonna be this aggressive I'll need to strap you down the next time, for fuck's sake...." The emotional turmoil Jaehyun was experiencing was definitely not helping to keep his anger under control, not even for the sake of the little professionality he still had left. Jaehyun’s patience was wearing thin and sporting a broken arm besides that wasn’t really something he felt like dealing with at the moment. 

"J-Jung!" Taeyong was stooped over, sounding a lot less secure than just moments earlier. Jaehyun left him rubbing his sore chest as he opened the door to leave.    
  
"You might have a broken rib. If you start having trouble breathing tell Yeonha to take you to the hospital, otherwise you’ll be just fine. See you tomorrow, Yongie" 


	6. Session 6

The next day Jaehyun decided to consult his boss on how to continue on from the latest Lee boy incident.    
He wasn’t looking forward to the arduous discussion but he simply couldn’t trust his own feeble judgement anymore. His boss had seen and heard the most during her long career, but he still didn't trust her enough to tell her the complete truth - just fragments of it to get her on the right page of the issue. Furthermore, Jaehyun’s biggest concern was what would happen to Taeyong in case Jaehyun decide to drop out of the case – so he felt like he had to sort that out first before telling her the truth, fragmented or not.    
  
"Did he bite you or something? I heard he once kicked a trainee between his legs so hard he almost lost a testicle" The woman said, chuckling quietly behind her hand.    
  
"Uhm, well" Jaehyun bit his tongue, unable to see the funny part of it. "It's not that. He's getting personal"   
  
"In what way?"   
  
"The way he ... talks. It’s way too intimate. I struggle to maintain objectivity"   
  
"Well, if you think it's too much you can of course drop out whenever you feel like it. He's quite the challenge since he’s not even diagnosed properly, but it’s unfortunately impossible to do a complete psychological assessment on him without proper monitoring at our clinics. His parents have multiple times refused to let us take him to the ward for examination and pharmacological adjustments. They’re too afraid to shame their name, or something like that. I guess we'll just have to avoid the family until they offer us more money" The woman said and crossed his hands.    
  
"If they send us more money, who will you send there then in case I drop out?" He kind of hoped she would go herself, or maybe call in one of the more experienced seniors who just might agree to step out of their offices for once to tackle a harder case.    
  
"Probably one of the new recruits that'll start here in autumn. We can’t spare anyone of the seniors on this, if that’s what you were hoping for"   
  
Autumn?    
  
So they'll just leave Taeyong with his possessive parents and their Munchausen syndrome (okay, he might be exaggerating a little) for the rest of the summer?    
  
_ I just have to do it myself, then.  _ __   
  
"Okay. I'll give it another try. I think he deserves another chance"    
His boss raised her painted eyebrow but nodded approvingly - after all, he saved her a whole lot of paperwork.    
  
Jaehyun had a sneaky plan to save his integrity. Eventually he would need to drop the case since the risk of it exploding into his hands was pretty high. But before that, he would just need to convince Taeyong's parents to let him move out on his own, serving them some sweet evidence based facts on why it's important for character development to experience independency yada yada yada. He could offer them to go see him at his new place a few times for free (just because he’s such a good guy) until his parents found him a new therapist. So despite quitting his official duty as Taeyong's therapist Jaehyun could still get to go see him at his new apartment whenever he wanted without having to explain the visits to neither his parents nor to his boss. Avot!   
  
After his office hours ended he went home to change, putting on some nice authoritative clothes to sell reliability (A blazer and a tie with some black jeans to make it a bit more relaxed). Then he drove straight back to the Lee house for the third day in a row.    
  
Yeonha wasn't too surprised to find the handsome therapist outside their door again. This time she had to swallow her smile as Mrs. Lee was demanding to know who's by the door. Jaehyun straightened his back when the elegant woman met him inside the hall. 

"Mr. Jung? Nice to see you, but I believed you were scheduled to come in two days?"

Oh. Right.

"I believe there's some things I urgently need to discuss concerning Your son" He said while bowing his head. He was blatantly aware of the blue eye he still was sporting despite efforts to cover it up with makeup. Hopefully Mrs. Lee hadn't seen Taeyong's bruising under his bangs or else she might put two and two together. 

Mrs. Lee excused herself for the absence of her husband who had to stay in the capital a few days longer than originally intended.

Jaehyun shortly explained how he had assessed Taeyong over the past few weeks, telling her how he strongly believed he was misdiagnosed from the beginning. He chose to leave out most descriptive details concerning Taeyong’s violent tendencies despite knowing Mrs. Lee probably had heard just about everything from former abused therapists. 

  
Mrs. Lee listened carefully when Jaehyun told her about his idea of moving him out of the house.    
  
It wasn't like she was a bad person. Not at all. Maybe not the best mother, but she probably still wanted what's best for her son. 

"I believe he might be okay with moving to his own place eventually" He took a sip of his tea as he tried to make his words sound as objective as possible. "Some independence would do him good in integrating him back to society. Furthermore, this house feeds him with traumatic memories, I'm afraid " 

Mrs. Lee tightened her lips into a straight line, glancing quickly left and right to make sure the maid wasn't present. 

"He told you about his uncle?" 

Jaehyun nodded. It wasn't exactly true, but… he wanted to spare the maid's head. 

The woman frowned and rubbed her forehead. "I'm not sure how much of that story is true. If any. But I recognize that Taeyong despised him. But he's long gone – Taeyong-ah should be able to get over it"   
  
Jaehyun nodded shortly. After all, he didn't have proof either except Taeyong’s resentfulness and the things Yeonha’s mother had told her. But why would it matter since the damage was already done? 

"With all due respect, I don't think it'll be wise to let our son move out live on his own. Tell me, what do you think of his moods?" Mrs. Lee continued. 

"He's emotionally unstable and chronically depressed”

"Precisely. Imagine him being exposed to mundanities like cooking, paying bills, dealing with mail... Imagine him having to interact with strangers on a daily basis - goodness gracious, Taeyong might do something stupid that hits the news and damages our company, even!"

"You really don't have any trust in him getting better?"

"Not before I've seen some proof of it. You can continue working with him HERE, where it's safe, and once he proves us that he's capable of behaving we might consid-..."

Jaehyun didn't hear the end of her speech since his attention was caught by his client who had come down from his room to see what was going on in the kitchen. He raised one eyebrow in Jaehyun's direction before focusing on his mother.

Mrs. Lee turned around with a shocked expression on her face. "Taeyong! Adults are talking, go back to your-..." 

"I'm almost twenty fucking three years old" he spitted, eyes darkened by malevolence. 

"Language, you twat!" Mrs. Lee hissed between gritted teeth, just as bitter as her son. Jaehyun crossed his hands, feeling awkward. 

"Uhm, I think it's good if he's here. It's him we're talking about, after all". He directed his gaze towards the silver haired boy. Today he wore a loose, oversized hoodie with arms way too long, exaggerating the smallness of his shape. His hair was down and unstyled, covering his eyes almost completely.    
  
"How are you doing, Taeyong-ah? Nice to see you down here" Jaehyun said warmly. 

The younger shrugged, still wearing an annoyed expression. 

"You could at least be polite and answer him? Don't you remember what you told your sister?" His mother sneered. 

Since Taeyong wasn't going to answer Jaehyun took the liberty to continue talking. "He talked to his sister? Has she been visiting?" 

"No. They write each other. She told me yesterday over the phone that Taeyong had been chatting with her, telling her that he likes his new therapist. Ain't that true, son?" 

Taeyong tilted his head to the side so his bangs fell down to reveal his eyes. "He's okay", he said, staring intensely at a blushing Jaehyun. 

"Precisely. So that's why I still want you to continue working  _ here _ , Mr. Jung. He seems to trust you" Mrs. Lee said firmly. 

Jaehyun nodded and forced a smile. He had no idea how he was ever going to pull through this client's case without either losing his license or his honor. 

With Taeyong resting against the wall behind her, Mrs. Lee continued explaining why she didn't think it was responsible to let Taeyong move out on his own. Working hard was their family's greatest virtue, and they wouldn't let their son leave the protection of their house before he had proved them he was able to provide for himself. Even his sister had been employed by one of their side-businesses already years before moving out! So if he didn’t want to work, the least he could do was get that degree from the art school they already paid a small fortune for. 

Jaehyun watched Taeyong while she went on, gesturing energetically when talking. 

The boy was pouting his lips and tapping with his foot against the floor. When he noticed Jaehyun zoning out in front of his mother’s monologue he smiled cheekily. 

"I have a friend in the gameindustry who appreciates artists with a great eye for anatomy" Jaehyun said, while looking at Mrs. Lee's son past her shoulder. The younger ruffled his hair as he sucked on his lower lip. 

"I'm sure someone there could teach him to draw digitally" Jaehyun said as he tried to focus back on the woman sitting in front of him. 

Mrs. Lee pouted (oh so similar to her troubled son) and crossed her arms, seemingly doubtful about what she just had heard. 

"He might do well creating realistic digital art" 

Taeyong snickered at the praise and covered his smile with his hand, earning a glance from Jaehyun. A few moments later Jaehyun caught him poking his lips with his index in a kind of deliberately... cute way?  _ What, is he really trying to be cute?  _ Jaehyun squinted, trying to make sense of this surprisingly differently acting young man. 

"Me and my husband would be pleased to see you introducing him to some of your contacts, as long as its kept unofficial. You see, we couldn't possibly risk having him at our own enterprises when he's still-..." 

Jaehyun stopped listening when he saw the boy parting his lips just enough for one finger to pop in. The light from the lamp above the kitchen table reflected off the wetness of his pink lips, making them seem glossy, almost shining. His hair had fallen back over his eyes again but Jaehyun knew he was glaring at him beneath his heavy bangs.    
  
And then he had the audacity to give his index a suck.   
  
What the hell.   
  
Jaehyun couldn't take his eyes off the hollowness of his cheeks _ . The fuck is he doing? Teasing? _

"... Alternatives to Olanzapine but since Chlorpromazine made his leukocytes drop they suggested..." 

Taeyong pulled the finger out of his mouth producing an almost inaudible popping sound. Jaehyun clenched his jaw from unease when witnessing how scandalously his client suddenly behaved. The innocent picture Jaehyun harbored of him in the corners of his mind tucked away from sense and reason was long gone, replaced with something obscene he couldn't really put his finger on. It was true that he sometimes forgot that Taeyong was in fact a grown man with access to internet, but since he earlier claimed to be schizoid Jarhyun had automatically assumed he was at least close to being asexual. The feelings he possibly felt towards his therapist were certainly false, but the physical attraction - you couldn't make up attraction, could you? 

Taeyong smiled his usual tight lipped smile when he saw the startled Jaehyun accidentally dropping his pen onto the floor. His hand, still leaning against his chin, suddenly went downwards just the slightest to grab the collar of his hoodie. Jaehyun felt his cheeks getting hot and his heart rate increasing when the boy pulled down the collar to reveal his pale neck and collar bones - 

"Mr. Jung? What's your opinion on this?" 

It was like a slap back to reality. 

"W-what?" 

"About the use of classical antipsychotics" Mrs. Lee said, somewhat annoyed. 

Jaehyun's face turned even redder. "I.. I need to investigate his old medical records considering the side-effects he suffered when trying Chlorpromazine”

Mrs. Lee nodded shortly and browsed through some of the papers she had spread out on the table. Jaehyun tried his best to keep his eyes glued to her hands, but in the corner of his eye he saw Taeyong turning around and walking back up to his own room. The twisting sensation in his abdominal region told him that the boy wanted him to follow. 

Jaehyun's immediate reaction was to stand up, but he did it way too fast and hit his knees in the table awkwardly. 

"O-oh sorry, Mrs. Lee. Your son went back up. I think I should follow and talk him through the things he just… heard" Jaehyun couldn't believe how pathetic he sounded - like his client had him tied around his little finger. But he really had to see him, right away! 

Mrs. Lee chuckled shortly and gathered the papers into a small heap before standing up herself. 

"I suppose that's reasonable" She smiled shortly. "Ask him how he would feel about contributing to the family for once in his life" 

Jaehyun shook his head when he walked upstairs. It's sad really, how one's own parents can be that thickheaded and ignorant about the concept of mental illness. Since his original plan backfired he had to take his plan B into action, since he was determined to get the boy out of his old room (Which was kind of ironic considering the boy’s reluctance to step out outside the house). The plan he had in mind was plainly stupid and immoral, but desperate times call for desperate measures.    
  
His stomach clenched nervously when he pushed down the door handle to Taeyong's door. The silver haired boy surely had some explaining to do – why the sudden flirting, if he dyed his hair regularly and why he'd kept Jaehyun's stupid drawing on the wall, when they’re at it.    
  
Taeyong was leaning against the wall next to the door when Jaehyun stepped in.    
  
The older swallowed hard as the closed the door. "Taey-"    
  
Apparently this wasn't the time and place for words, as he felt the younger grab his shirt collar to pull his face down for a hard kiss. In truth, he wasn't even surprised - he had it coming - but the intensity of it startled him for a few split seconds. 

When Jaehyun didn't pull away, Taeyong wrapped his arms behind the older's neck and angled his face for better access to Jaehyun's soft and very much kissable lips. The other parted his lips when he felt Jaehyun's hands around his waist to pull him closer. 

"Tae-" Jaehyun sighed against his mouth, however in vain, since the boy kissed him harder as soon as he uttered a single sound. The wetness of his lips was doing things to his body to the extent it almost scared him - his shirt felt too hot, his tie too tight, his palms way too sweaty.    
  
A teasing tongue came to lick against Jaehyun's front teeth.  _ This gotta be a dream, a crazy, drug induced hallucination _ , Jaehyun thought as he let the younger's tongue inside his mouth. The kiss was somewhat clumsy and seeking at first because of the younger’s eagerness, but after some fumbling and a nervous chuckle they found the right rhythm. He tasted like mints today, fresh and young like a dawn. The older had completely forgotten how good it felt to have someone else's hands buried in one's hair.    
  
Jaehyun couldn't help but pull him closer, wanting to feel the warmth of his thin body against his. If he pretended that this wasn't his client, his male client for all that mattered, and they weren't in said client's parents' house, he might have been able to give in to temptation, and maybe, just maybe, find himself lost in complete physical satisfaction. But the reality of their situation haunted his mind, keeping his hands in safety over thick clothes, only following the kiss and never to take control. 

Taeyong's kissing grew more eager and demanding, eventually taking Jaehyun's bottom lip between his teeth to suck on. He quickly turned them around to push Jaehyun up against the wall. 

"Tae..." Jaehyun tried again, but the younger didn't give in the slightest. He broke the kiss to change the angle, before once again claiming the other's reddening lips. The slightest moan formed low and deep in Taeyong's throat, shooting straight down between Jaehyun's legs to wake the urges he had tried to suppress for the past fifteen minutes. _You have to stop_, his conscience told him. _This will never end well for any of you_. But he couldn't, he just couldn't - the man in his arms was far too beautiful, ever so fascinating and surprisingly soft against his chest. If he refused Taeyong now he would regret it for the rest of his life - there was something about him that had drawn him like a magnet already from their first meeting. If it wasn't the depth and romantic melancholy of his black eyes, it had to be his stellar aura - not to mention his ridiculously sensual lips with that _perfect _arch. It was funny really how many adjectives he could come up for this quiet, distant boy.   
  
Taeyong let go of his hair and placed his warm hands on top of Jaehyun's own holding lightly to his waist. He grabbed hold of them and lifted them away from him, confusing the older. Didn't he like to be held? But instead, he guided Jaehyun's hands lower down onto his hips, until they hit the hem of his hoodie. He pushed them tighter to his body beneath the textile, until Jaehyun realized he wanted them to go under the cloth.   
  
_This is going too far, _Jaehyun thought while his heated blood pounded in his veins and first and foremost in his groin. _This is too much._   
  
Taeyong broke the kiss with a satisfied sigh, proceeding to lick Jaehyun’s neck instead in a quite lewd way. Jaehyun's eyes were wide open as he stared at the wall with the portrait of Taeyong's sister as well as his own lousy doodle from their first meeting. He noticed how he had drawn Taeyong way more sinister than what he in truth was.   
  
With his eyes fixed on the portraits, he let his hands glide slowly upwards under the younger's hoodie, until he felt hot skin over tight muscles under his fingertips.   
  
"Oh God" Jaehyun accidentally slipped. _Fuck, I shouldn't_, he thought, but it just felt so very right. Biting down on his own lip he let his hands slide higher, until he had his palms firmly against the heated skin on his waist.   
  
Taeyong hummed in satisfaction and continued sucking his mark over Jaehyun's neck, loosening his tie at the same time. Jaehyun wasn't even aware of the fact that the younger had opened up the first two buttons of his shirt.   
  
"Have you ever kissed like this before" Jaehyun asked nervously, not having anything wiser to say.   
  
Taeyong shook his head before letting his front teeth scrape against Jaehyun's collarbone. Jaehyun couldn't belive Taeyong was such a natural at this. Or then it was just too many years since he kissed someone the last time so he couldn’t really recall what's good and what's not. But he knew for sure that the things Taeyong did felt INCREDIBLY good, regardless of how experienced he was or wasn't.   
  
"Touch me more" Taeyong hissed against his skin, pushing his hips closer to Jaehyun.   
  
Jaehyun released one of his hands from his waist to travel from his side to just above his navel, feeling every single fiber of muscle play under smooth skin. _God. __  
_  
"You're gorgeous" Jaehyun growled, not able to keep the truth inside anymore.   
  
Taeyong leaned forward to kiss his wet lips again, even hungrier than before. He kind of shoved his tongue into Jaehyun's mouth, something he normally wouldn't like but for some odd reason found pretty hot in this particular moment. Jaehyun took the liberty to suck on the strong muscle, earning a nice, pretty whimper from the silver haired boy.   
  
Suddenly he felt a hand against his crotch and he flinched. He flinched visibly hard, making Taeyong withdraw the hand immediately. Jaehyun quickly broke the kiss with a wet, sloppy noise, leaving only a thin strand of saliva connecting their bottom lips.   
  
Taeyong immediately wiped it off with the back of his hand, big eyes fixed inquiringly on the older.  
  
"You don't like it?" He asked shortly.   
  
Jaehyun knew both his ears and cheeks were red as beets. "Uhm, I do, but this... Taeyong-... Taeyong this is going way too fast", he managed to stutter and wthdrew his hands from beneath the younger's hoodie.   
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Well, you haven't done this before..."   
  
Taeyong shrugged and stepped away from him, hiding his palms inside his hoodie's long sleeves like a kid.   
  
Jaehyun wouldn't dare to look at him anymore since his lust and craving for the younger man’s body were getting out of hand. He ran his hands through his messy hair before walking towards the only place of seating except Taeyong's chair by his desk - the bed. He realized it embarrassingly just as he was getting seated, and prayed to the Gods that Taeyong wouldn't take the move as something that it wasn't.   
  
Taeyong walked up to him and jumped up on the bed behind Jaehyun. He leaned against the wall and gathered his knees up to his chest, looking a whole lot weaker than just a few moments ago.   
  
Jaehyun sighed and dragged himself up to sit next to him against the wall, wanting to kiss him badly but denying himself the pleasure of doing so for the sake of a greater good. For some reason he felt the need to comfort the other, so he threw his arm over Taeyong's shoulder and pulled him closer towards him. At once he could feel the other relaxing - visibly relieved that Jaehyun wasn't going to push him away completely.   
  
"I think we should talk this through before things get out of hand" Jaehyun said slowly.   
Taeyong didn't answer, probably because he wasn't use to deal with this kind of social dilemmas.   
  
_Gosh, where to start? There's so much ... wrong with this whole set-up._ The thought saddened Jaehyun immensely, especially knowing how much this probably meant to the utterly inexperienced Taeyong.   
  
"This is a very normal reaction. Transference is normal. It happens to a lot of patients and their therapists. It's just a phase, it's not real, you know"  
  
He truly meant it even though it broke his heart. Jaehyun wasn't sure what meaning the feelings he felt himself had since he had never experienced projection this intense - usually therapists like himself were able to keep themselves distanced from the affection their clients might start to show towards them. He knew that Taeyong wasn't really falling for him or anything - it was just a simple psychological phenomenon - but he was very worried about how the situation had affected himself. Jaehyun couldn't just keep Taeyong out of his head, and however much he tried to deny it, he really longed for closeness to this boy, both emotional as physical. It might be that Taeyong, like some psychopaths for example, was a very good manipulator and therefore knew how to take advantage of his therapist and turn the whole setting between them upside down - but for some reason Jaehyun didn't get that vibe off him. Of course he could impossibly tell at the moment, since his judgment was being clouded by desire for this enigmatic man.   
  
Taeyong didn't answer. He just continued breathing calmly against Jaehyun's shoulder like he was deep in thought or just completely ignoring what the other had just said.   
  
"Taeyongie?" Jaehyun said quietly, glancing down at the mop of silver hair against him. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"  
  
The other let out a small sigh. "Didn't you tell me like yesterday that you're my friend and not my therapist? Or was I right about you lying just to get me to talk"   
  
"No- ... no, I didn't lie", Jaehyun answered, clearly pained by having to get through this topic. He was in such a deep mess - he'd need psychotherapy himself after this soap opera had come to its end. "In all honesty, I don't want to be your therapist anymore. Actually, I can't be your therapist anymore".   
  
Taeyong tensed up and straightened his back so he could look at Jaehyun with worry painted on his face, making him look like a lost puppy. Genuine fear flashed in the black depths of his eyes as he clutched at Jaehyun's shirt with hands that were covered by the hoodie sleeves up to the knuckles.   
  
"Please, I cannot deal with more strangers coming here to ask about my-"  
  
Jaehyun shushed him by pressing a finger against his swollen lips. The way his soft lips gave in under his fingers was so erotic he couldn’t help it when he felt himself growing hard again.   
  
"I told you, I'm your friend. I wanna be your friend. I hoped we could see each other as friends"   
  
Never had he felt this good about friendzoning anyone…  
  
Taeyong removed Jaehyun's hand from his mouth and leaned forward towards his face. His breath got hitched as he stopped just an inch from Jaehyun, like he couldn't bring himself to close the gap all by himself.   
  
They ended up looking into each other's eyes for three to four seconds before Taeyong broke the silence.   
”So our friendship is real but the other thing is not?”   
  
Jaehyun swallowed hard, not knowing what to say to this sexy wreckage of a man.   
  
"Whatever it is, we cannot do it here. I can't be your friend in front of your family. I'm hired here as a therapist"   
  
Jaehyun was a psychiatrist, supposed to work with Lee Taeyong as his client, nothing more.   
He didn't get paid for befriending the man nor fight him, definitely not for kissing him and touching him or taking him into his bed. But not a single cell in his body wanted to get to know Taeyong while being a therapist - He wanted to be himself, simply Jaehyun, before anything else when getting to know the boy.   
  
"Well, as I’ve said before, you're a shitty therapist anyway so might as well fire you" Taeyong whispered with a rosy nose, before leaning forward the inch needed for their lips to meet for a second time that day.   
  
Jaehyun dropped everything he worried about as he wrapped his arms around the other tightly; embracing him so hard his hoodie got more or less pulled up at the back from the heat of the moment. Taeyong's hands were in Jaehyun's hair again, tugging delightfully at the brown trands. Jaehyun had never felt sparks and tension like the ones he felt between him and Taeyong, and when his hand found his naked back he knew he had completely lost the fight against the magnetic attraction pulling him towards the other.   
The kiss was wet and heated, tongues dancing with each other as Jaehyun's hands pulled the other closer into his lap. He wondered what it would feel like to have the boy sitting on top of him, straddling him down with his weight. Accidentally the thought crossed him - _I wonder how he'd feel. _ His long thighs, protruding hipbones, narrow waist and glossy skin, naked on top of him, taking him for the first time – __Good lord help me. Taeyong didn't see Jaehyun's cheeks blushing violently since he was busy kissing the other's open mouth like his life depended on it.   
  
Whether he wanted it or not Jaehyun was painfully aware of his growing bulging inside his pants, and if Taeyong would put his hand on top of his crotch again he wouldn't be able to say no. He knew they were going too fast, but his body would definitely betray him as he was too turned on to think straight.   
Just to make things worse he noticed how Taeyong's breathing was getting labored and shallow. Furthermore, one of his hands had dropped down onto Jaehyun's chest, lying still above his shirt like he was feeling his heartbeat, nothing more.   
  
When his world started spinning slightly he broke the kiss to catch his breath. They were still in his parents’ house and if he didn’t stop himself things might get too heated.   
  
"Taeyongie, baby, I have an idea"  
  
Taeyong giggled when hearing the pet name. He put his arms around Jaehyun again so he could bury his head against his chest, shuddering sweetly. "Tell me, Jung"  
  
"You need to move away from here"  
  
The younger stiffened against him. Of course he wouldn't like that. Leaving the fucked up safety of his house was still something scary and unfamiliar to him - and foremost, uninteresting. 

"I know it’s not what you want. But it's for your own good. You need a fresh start, away from your toxic memories and unsupportive parents" _What a way to kill the mood…_   
  
"How? I told you I have no money" his voice was muffled as he spoke quietly against Jaehyun's chest, but Jaehyun still heard him, or felt this words through the vibrations they made on his shirt.   
  
"I have an idea. It's actually pretty nasty, but it’s the only way if we want to keep seeing each other, if I should need to justify this". He kept stroking Taeyong's hair with one hand, enjoying the cool feeling of its smooth texture. It felt different from his own – somewhat slicker, maybe.   
  
"I’ll continue coming here for a while according to your parents’ wishes. But with the money I get from it I'll rent you an apartment, but we tell your parents that it's your own money you got from doing some digital artwork on your home computer" 

Taeyong took his time to answer.   
  
"I can see how that increases my levels of anxiety on so many levels"   
  
Jaehyun sighed. "But I cannot continue coming here forever. This whole situation is insanely wrong and I'm already struggling with lying to your parents. Eventually they'll cancel my services since your situation ain't progressing, no matter how much I still wanted to see you"  
  
Taeyong wiggled himself out of Jaehyun's embrace so that he could look at the other again face to face.   
  
"But I have progressed. I can feel it" He said somewhat desperately.   
  
_I belive you_, Jaehyun thought when seeing the sparks in Taeyong’s eyes. He was indeed different – still terribly unstable, but the constant down sloping hill of depression had been replaced by occasional mountaintops of hope.   
  
Jaehyun opened his mouth to ask him something, but was quickly interrupted by Taeyong.   
  
"Jung, don’t. Don't ask me if I’m happy, because I am not”  
  
Taeyong stroked the highest point of Jaehyun’s cheek lightly, the touch so light it felt like the touch of divinity.   
  
“But the best I can say is that I’m not sad. Thanks to you"   
  
Jaehyun blinked and stared into the younger’s eyes.   
  
It was all he needed to hear today.   
  
"Okay"  
  
  
Soon thereafter, Jaehyun had to leave. Since Mrs. Lee was home they had to keep their "sessions" down to 1-1,5 hours unless they wanted to attract suspicious attention. Jaehyun walked down the stairs feeling kind of empty. He really didn't know what to do, since Taeyong hadn't been very keen on his idea of moving him out. Jaehyun knew he couldn't continue on this charade for long, since he would surely lose his license the moment their odd relationship came out. To make things even more complicated, Taeyong had interrupted him by the door before leaving.   
  
"It ain't true, that thing you said" He said quietly, looking down at his own feet.   
  
"What do you mean?"  
Dark doe eyes gazed up at him, once again piercing Jaehyun's soul and stealing away his heart along with his good judgement.   
  
"About this being a phase. I know what transference is, and this is not it. This is just you and me, like you said. You and me, Jung".   
  
Despite his good mood from earlier Jaehyun still felt the usual coldness shine through him when he stood there by the door, watching him. It was an inseparable part of him and not necessarily one of evil.   
  
_You and me. You heard me from the beginning.___  
  
"Okay. I believe you if you say so. Call me Jaehyun, then" he answered with his heart in his throat, not knowing where to put all the love he felt for the younger man.   
  



	7. Session 7

Jaehyun tried to hold onto his last ripples of professional dignity by not giving his private phone number to his client (well, unfortuntately he was still his client on paper). But when realizing that their meetings would now be dependent on the original schedule since Taeyong's parents were back home, he eventually asked Yeonha for the younger man's number so that he could keep an eye at him (or just relieve his longing for him). The boy refused to talk on the phone and wasn't the chattiest when texting either (he really kept the word count to a minimum, apparently completely blind to all usage of any kind of emoticons), but knowing he was there on the other side of the line, reachable and real, calmed Jaehyun's nerves during moments of doubt.   
  
The day before their next meeting Jaehyun had asked him whether he would be interested in going to see his family's dog Sylvi, who he had promsied to take care of while his mother was visiting some dog-allergic relatives out of town. Knowing that Jaehyun's mother wouldn't be home, Taeyong surprisingly agreed (or he texted "Yes" and nothing more, there weren't really any ways to misinterpret that, were they?). He was a bit nervous about the trip, but he had to start somewhere if he wanted to get Taeyong to leave the safety of his family house for good.   
  
Mrs. Lee was home when he arrived. He shortly explained to her that he wanted to have a session outside the house, sort of like exposure therapy. They would just be driving around in his car, maybe stopping at some safe place to have a stroll, and then return within two hours, unless there were some issues that forced them to return earlier. Mrs. Lee agreed reluctantly, strongly doubting her son would follow him outside without being physically dragged.   
  
Jaehyun was waiting outside for 10-15 minutes before Taeyong dared to step out. He hadn't left his home since that funeral that he was forced to attend 6 months ago. He was wearing a posh, wool coat, bangs pushed back with bobby pins revealing the undercut. The hairs had grown quite a lot, sticking out awkwardly on the side of his head. Jaehyun's heart melted when he saw the man hesitantly stepping outside the front door. He looked so sweet in his beige coat - like soft toffee candy, wrapped in glossy paper.   
  
Mrs. Lee's raised her eyebrows and crosser her arms in defeat.   
  
Jaehyun couldn't hide his smile when he saw the younger walk up to him standing at the steps outside the front door.   
"Hello, Taeyong-ah" He said accompanied by a big smile. God, he missed him. He missed his coldness and his frightened eyes as much as he missed his hot lips and the warmth of his body.   
  
Taeyong didn't answer, but looked quickly into his eyes before focusing on the surroundings around him. He clutched at his own coat collar as to protect himself from the evils of the real world.   
  
Jaehyun walked him to his car, opening the door to the passenger seat like he was some kind of royalty. The boy hesitated, muttering something for himself, but eventually stepped inside the car when he concluded the confined space of it was probably safer than the outside world.   
  
With a smile on his lips Jaehyun closed the door and ran over to the driver's side, jumping in and starting the car so they could get going as quickly as possible.   
  
"You ready?" He asked when reversing out from their yard.   
  
Taeyong didn't answer but shook his head, clutching on to the seatbelt like his life depended on it.   
  
"I thought you said you just didn't care about the outside. But yet you seem frightened?"   
  
Taeyong's eyes widened as Jaehyun put a gear in to increase the speed. "I'm just not... used to this" He replied shakily.   
  
"It'll just be a 20 minute drive. And I can't express enough how proud I am of you coming out here by your free will" Jaehyun continued on, glancing at the other from the corner of his eye.   
  
Taeyong nodded and kept his eyes on the road, hands crossed in his lap.   
  
It was a cloudy, humid day, okay for a drive around the outskirts of the city. They drove in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a good 15 minutes.   
  
When it was just a few kilometers left to Jaehyun's mother's place, he reached out to pat Taeyong's thigh since he felt the other still being very stiff and tense from the drive. Taeyong jumped in his seat a bit when feeling Jaehyun's hand on him, but indeed, it helped him relax at least a little. Jaehyun kept a steady hold of his leg all the way up to his mother's house.   
  
"We're here. How are you feeling, Taeyong-ah?"  
  
"Weird" He said, looking all pale.   
  
"What are you scared of?"  
  
"I do not know"  
  
"There's no-one else here, I promise. Just Sylvi." He rubbed his thigh harder, making it warm under his palm.   
  
"I don't like being in places I don't know"   
  
"Of course not. But you're gonna do fine. I have to take Sylvi out for a short walk but if it's too much for you you can always wait in the car"   
  
Taeyong nodded nervously and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Okay"  
  
"You’re doing so very well, Taeyong-ah. Would you let me give you a kiss? I’ve missed you" Jaehyun asked timidly, feeling his ears getting hot. He was done with pretending. He was done with fighting his desires. He wanted Taeyong, and if the other wanted him too, he wouldn’t let anything hinder them anymore. Right now he was just so incredibly proud of his former client so that he wanted to show him how much he cared.   
  
Taeyong looked at him apprehensively, but nodded again.   
  
"Alright". Jaehyun unbuckled his own belt and leaned towards the passenger seat, giving Taeyong a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. His skin was so warm and inviting, and he contemplated kissing his mouth a second time too, but he knew he had to give the boy space since he'd been so brave to follow him this far.  
  
He pulled back and smiled kindly, dimples showing. "Shall we?"   
  
Taeyong's skin looked sickly pale from nervosity, but with gritted teeth he nodded a third time, and opened the door to the car.   
  
The house was small but nice, with a detailed and rich garden. Unfortunately it was too close to the road so Sylvi couldn't be running outside unless someone was looking after him.   
  
Jaehyun got out of the car and waited for Taeyong to walk up to him before they continued towards the house together. Taeyong was pulling at Jaehyun's sleeve, grabbing the textile between his fingers like he was afraid he might lose the man on the way to the house.   
  
"I grew up here" Jaehyun said, putting his arm around the other's waist. He didn't know why he did these kinds of things, but it just felt like that was exactly what Taeyong needed - protection, closeness - trust.   
He only released his hold on him when he took out the key to open the door. At once, the sound of a barking dog was heard through the door. Taeyong flinched by the sound of it, stepping back a little.   
  
"Don't worry, he's super nice, just a little excited" He said behind his shoulder before opening the door.   
When they had stepped in and closed the door a small terrier came rushing towards Jaehyun. Taeyong gasped by the suddenness of it, but watched the dog and his owner with fascination.   
  
Jaehyun went down to one knee to greet Sylvi. The dog was always excited to meet its original master, wiggling its tail vigorously as it tried to lick Jaehyun's face.   
  
After having greeted Jaehyun, Sylvi ran up to Taeyong, sniffing eagerly around this strange visitor in his house. Taeyong was still fully clothed and standing as still as he possibly could, allowing the dog to check him out.   
  
"He won't bite" Jaehyun said, taking off his coat.   
  
Taeyong hesitated, but eventually crouched down to pet the eager terrier. A smile crept up on his pretty face when he realized that Jaehyun was right - Sylvi waved his tail eagerly when Taeyong scratched him behind his ears. He gathered his courage and started scratching his back too, and when Sylvi rolled around to expose her yellow stomach Taeyong laughed.   
  
"Does he like it?" He asked, eyes still fixed on the dog that was enjoying the rubs to the fullest.   
  
"Oh he loves it! I think he likes you!" Jaehyun said, really proud of his dog being this kind to such a nervous stranger.   
  
"Really?" Taeyong said with the purest smile on his face, making Jaehyun's knees weak from the fuzzy feeling warming his stomach.   
  
Sylvi eventually got tired of the love she received and decided to go follow Jaehyun who was on his way inside the house. Taeyong followed, looking curiously around the house that was way smaller than the huge villa he lived in.   
  
"I'll show you my room" Jaehyun said, and led the younger towards the back of the house.   
  
Jaehyun's room was nowadays mostly used as a guestroom, but he still had some of his old belongings there, reminding him of his youth. Taeyong looked around and went to stand by the window facing the garden with its apple trees.   
  
"This is where you live?" Taeyong asked.   
  
Jaehyun chuckled and picked Sylvi up into his lap. The dog winced and squirmed but eventually settled down into Jaehyun's touch. "God no, I moved out when I was 20. Sylvi was only 2, but I couldn't take him with me to that small apartment"   
  
"Why didn't you stay then?"  
  
"I wanted to have a life by my own. My own space where I could bring friends and dates. Like that ever happened though"  
  
"You just watched basket?"  
  
"I studied, slept and watched basket, yes. Lame as fuck".   
  
Taeyong shrugged, apparently not really getting what the problem was regarding that way of life. He walked up to Jaehyun's old book shelf where some framed pictures from his youth were placed on display. He scanned over some baby pictures and school portraits without really changing his expression at all. One picture was taken at some party, where a long haired Jaehyun was holding his arm around a girl wearing a short leathery skirt. Two other boys were seen next to them, making some stupid gang signs with their hands.   
  
Jaehyun came up to him when he realized which picture he was looking at.   
  
"Ah, I looked awful with that greasy hair in high school. And look at that leatherjacket. I thought I was so cool" Jaehyun pointed out. "She was my girlfriend back then. She was pretty cute, right? Just not my type, unfortunately"  
  
Taeyong tilted his head. "I don't know. I guess". _Vague as always,_ Jaehyun sighed internally.   
  
"You never looked at girls or boys thinking they're cute?” Jaehyun asked out of his own curiosity.   
  
"I never looked at anyone thinking they're cute" Taeyong said coldly.   
  
Jaehyun lifted up Sylvi closer to his face and kissed the dog's fur, making him growl and show his teeth.   
  
"You don’t think Sylvi is cute?" He asked with a foolish, high pitched voice.   
  
"Sylvi is cute. And now your next question will be whether I think you're cute" Taeyong said and rolled his eyes.   
  
"Well do you?" Jaehyun said with pouty lips, getting his face licked by the dog in his lap.   
  
"No"  
  
"Oh"   
  
Taeyong pouted and reached out to scratch the dog behind his ears again. "You're handsome" he said, eyes still fixed on the dog. "Except for when you smoke. Stop that. You smelled like smoke when I last saw you. I don't like that"  
  
Jaehyun, in the middle of actually thinking about going for a smoke while letting Taeyong play with Sylvi, blushed and bit his tongue. "I'll stop then" He said, convinced that he finally had found the right motivation to stop that nasty habit. Sylvi was twisting in his lap so he decided to let him down onto the floor instead.   
  
"Is this Youngho?" Taeyong asked, still looking at the same picture.   
  
Hearing his name out loud sent cold chills through Jaehyun's body. He straightened his back to see who Taeyong was pointing at. He pointed at the tall, handsome boy next to Jaehyun, doing the same sign as the other boy next to him.   
  
"Y-yes, how did you know?" Suddenly he realized how much he still missed his friend and much it still hurt to think about how their friendship ended. That was one of the reasons he eventually decided to move out to his own apartment - he couldn't live with his painful teenage memories under the same roof.   
  
"He looks at you in a certain way" Taeyong replied quietly.   
  
The temptation to ask what he meant by that quickly died out as focused on his best friend's face. The look on Youngho's face broke his heart - how come he never saw it before?   
  
  
A little later they both went back out to take Sylvi for a walk. Taeyong was visibly a little anxious about going on a walk in this unfamiliar neighborhood, but having both Jaehyun and Sylvi by his side made him feel a little more comfortable.   
  
"Dog's are really therapeutic. I mean, you're forced to go out with them multiple times daily while showing you unconditional love like there was no tomorrow" Jaehyun said, giving over the leash to Taeyong, who had never been on an actual dog walk before.   
  
Taeyong was silent for the majority of the stroll, focusing on the dog moving in front of him.   
Jaehyun thoroughly enjoyed the silence. His profession was all about talking and talking, so he really appreciated some silent company time to time. It also felt oddly domestic to walk around the neighborhood of his childhood together with this handsome man that he so very much would like to kiss in front of everyone - everyone, who didn't know about why they even met in the first place.   
  
The more he spent time with him, the more he enjoyed his quiet but honest company, wishing he could continue going on quiet dog walks with him instead of trying to get him to talk by playing on his thought patterns in the name of psychology. He still needed help, however - Jaehyun wasn't that delusional about his effect on Taeyong. He would need intense psychotherapy whatever happened between them.   
  
Whenever some of the neighbors passed them Taeyong tensed up and hesitated, looking down into the ground as to avoid any chance of accidental eye contact. It was okay as long as no-one wanted to actually stay and talk with them, but eventually they were greeted by Jaehyun's mother's good friend with her poodle, stopping them to chat for old times’ sake. Sylvi knew both the poodle as her owner, greeting the couple eagerly.   
  
Taeyong glanced nervously at Jaehyun, not knowing what he was supposed to do with the leash since the woman was petting the dog all over. Taeyong was visibly freaked out by the weird voices the woman made while greeting Sylvi.   
  
"Jaehyun-ah! Nice to see you again! I heard your mother is away for the week?" She chirped, quickly glancing in Taeyong's direction. Taeyong kept his gaze down, pretending to focus on the two playing dogs when in reality he was just hoping he could evade all kind of attention.   
  
Jaehyun bowed politely. "Hello, Mrs. Kim! Yes she is visiting some relatives. Great to see you and Yuki doing well"   
  
"Yes, yes, we're great, thanks to your mother taking us both out for long walks every sunday!" Her gaze diverted to the silver haired boy standing partly hidden behind Jaehyun. "Who is this young man?"   
  
"Ah, this is Mr Lee Taeyong, he's a.... a friend of mine"   
  
The woman clapped her hands together. "Not Lee as in Lee enterprises, is it?"   
  
Taeyong was forced to glance in her direction, nodding quickly as confirmation.   
  
"I can't remember your mother telling about you befriending the company heir?" She asked Jaehyun directly, since Taeyong didn't really give her anything to work on.   
  
The older scratched his neck and laughed. "Aaah, well, guess I never mentioned"   
  
The woman nodded and smiled politely at both of them, eyes dragging a little longer than necessary over Taeyong.   
  
"Well, it was nice to meet you both. Yuki's in a hurry to get home for dinner. Bye!" She said smilingly and continued on.   
  
Jaehyun smiled widely at her and started walking, expecting Taeyong to follow. When Sylvi started barking he turned around and saw the boy frozen on the spot, shaking slightly. Jaehyun sighed and ran up to him, grabbing him by his shoulders  
.   
"Hey, you okay?" He said softly, swiping a strand of hair that had escaped the bobbypins away from Taeyong's face.   
  
The boy met his gaze with a trembling bottom lip. He seemed kind of scared, almost shocked, but at least he reacted to Jaehyun's voice. The older didn't even realize he was this bad with strangers - how on earth had he even survived the funeral last year?   
  
"Yongie, I'm here, talk to me" He said, closer to his face.   
  
"She ... she judged me so hard" The younger whispered quietly, breathing speeding up and getting shallow.   
Jaehyun took Sylvi's leash from his hand, just in case he'd decide to do something stupid like run back to the car, or something. Hopefully he wasn't getting a panic attack, since they were at least 2 kilometers from home and would have to walk back in any case. Taeyong wasn't diagnosed with panic disorder but the way he seemed weirdly off tune definitely fit that image.   
  
With his free hand he cupped the younger's cheek, stroking it gently over and over. "Who cares? She's an old woman who loves to gossip about everything and everyone. She probably looks up to you because of your name" Jaehyun said. "Breathe. Relax."   
  
Taeyong didn't answer, but closed his eyes and did some breathing exercises some therapist had taught him from before.   
  
Jaehyun kissed him on his cheek and waited for him to calm down. He knew that he needed and foremost deserved patience - otherwise he'd flip out in an instance. "It's just you and me, baby" He said, keeping an eye at Sylvi who was trying to dig a hole in the lawn.   
  
After 5 minutes Taeyong opened his eyes and nodded.   
  
"Okay, I'm good" He said, pulling at Jaehyun's sleeve. His fingers brushed by his hand in a sort of pleading way, and Jaehyun allowed them to intertwine their fingers.   
  
"You wanna walk back?" Jaehyun asked, squeezing the warm fingers between his own.   
  
Taeyong nodded, and they turned around and walked home again, Sylvi following lazily after, marking his territory as they went.   
  
They walked the whole 2 kilometers hand in hand, only meeting a few neighbors Jaehyun couldn't recognize. A few of them glanced at their interlocked hands, but it didn't seem to bother Taeyong, who walked happily close to Jaehyun and Sylvi. Jaehyun was kind of relieved not to bump in to more acquaintances, considering that he might have to explain him holding hands with some random guy to his mother.   
  
"I forgot to ask you. You're the heir of your parents company?" Jaehyun asked when they were closing in on the house.   
  
"Officially yes since my father got to take charge after my grandfather. But they dropped that idea long ago, knowing me. My sister never studied business either so they're probably just gonna sell it when they retire"   
  
"Oh, I see". It's a pity really, but obviously he couldn't tell Taeyong that. But maybe it was for the best - It must be horrible to have your own parents pressuring you into a career that you might not even be interested in.   
  
They came back in to give Sylvi his lunch and search for some plasters to put onto Taeyong's blisters. He hadn't been walking in shoes for a few months (something Jaehyun found kind of funny however sad it actually was) so the poor man's feet looked like he just had ran a marathon instead of walking 4 kilometers.   
After Taeyong had said his goodbyes to Sylvi they went back to the car to drive the younger home. Jaehyun was incredibly pleased with how well the trip had went, and was absolutely sure it wouldn't be too much of a reach to get Taeyong to eventually move altogether.   
  
"Well, it wasn't all too bad, was it, Taeyong-ah?"   
  
Taeyong's tone was a whole lot lighter now compared to 1,5 hours earlier. "No, I'm really happy for being able to meet Sylvi"   
  
"I'm pleased to hear that. You did so well. Good job, baby"   
  
He saw Taeyong smiling in the corner of his eye. The older couldn't possibly express how much joy it brought him to see the younger's beautiful smile here in a car completely out of his comfort zone. Now when he knew that it wouldn't be a problem to take Taeyong with him around town he could start planning how to slowly get him accustomed to everyday life again. Based on what his parents had told him, Taeyong hadn't really had any kind of social life outside school, so he would probably have to accompany him to places like restaurants and shopping malls at least the first few times. Heck, he might even be able to ask him out on a proper date someday when his parents were away for work?   
  
"I wouldn't have been able to leave home like this without you though" Taeyong continued.   
  
"I understand. But that's why I'm here, Taeyong-ah" He quickly patted him on his arm before grabbing the steering wheel again. "And I really appreciate your company"   
  
"But I don't say much" The younger said, looking at Jaehyun's profile since the older was busy watching the road.   
  
"I still appreciate your company. And if you still want to see me, I promise I'll stop smoking too"   
  
They drove most of the way in silence (Since Jaehyun knew that it would just stress him out even more considering he still didn't like being in the car), but just when driving up to the road leading to the Lee family house Taeyong grabbed his arm and told him to stop.   
Jaehyun got startled and jumped onto the brakes, afraid he might have ran over some poor animal considering Taeyong's reaction.   
  
"What is it?" He asked, looking in the back mirror to make sure no other car was approaching from behind.  
  
"Are you gonna come up to my room after this?" Taeyong asked, looking straight into Jaehyun's questioning eyes.  
  
"Uhm, If your mother is home I probably can't - the sessions are supposed to last 1-2 hours max"   
  
"Oh, okay" The younger said somewhat disappointedly. "In case I don't get to say goodbye today" He continued, and leaned forward to grab Jaehyun's face between his hands. Then he pressed a passionate kiss to Jaehyun's lips, longing there for a while until he felt Jaehyun grab his wrist and kiss him back with equal fire. Jaehyun wished he could stop time and only share this kiss for the rest of his life, but no - they were in the middle of the road, in a car still running - this could only last for a fleeting moment, like most other sweet things in life.   
  
"Jae" Taeyong whispered against his lips when they pulled apart. "Promise me never to leave"   
  
Promises are big things. Never is a big word. That's a promise Jaehyun knew he would never be able to make to anyone, anywhere, since life was as changeable as the weather. Would he give this boy such a promise? No, he would not, though his heart ached for it.   
  
"I don't do promises, Taeyongie... But I'm not going to leave you" he said instead, stroking his wrist soothingly with his thumb.  
  
Taeyong's eyes flickered down to his lips again, but the sound of an engine behind them made him release his hold of Jaehyun's face. "Okay" he said instead, biting down on his lip. His doe eyes were glossy like he was about to cry, but he managed to keep his tears back.   
  
The car behind them honked a few times before Jaehyun got to press the gas pedal again.   
  
Indeed, after arriving, Jaehyun changed a few words with Mrs. Lee, who was mildly said surprised over the fact that Taeyong had behaved faultlessly the whole trip. She didn't seem too happy about them arriving 30 minuter later than what Jaehyun originally had promised, something that Jaehyun had to blame himself for, obviously. He waved bye to the silver haired boy and checked one more time with his mother that the next session was scheduled next week. Jaehyun offered to come during the weekend as well but his mother said no, saying that Mr. Lee was coming home and they planned to have a nice weekend together, all three of them plus the maid. Good luck with that, Jaehyun told her, obviously keeping the sarcasm out.   
  
A few hours later he got a text from Taeyong, saying;   
_  
__19.20 Yongie__  
__I'll kill you for real if you leave me __  
_  
Jaehyun replied with a smile.   
  
_19.22__  
__I bet you would, baby __  
_


	8. Session 8

Four days later Jaehyun came back to visit.   
  
For the first time, Taeyong opened the door when Jaehyun knocked, and already before the door was completely closed they fell into each other’s arms without uttering a word. Jaehyun pushed the younger against the wall until the back of his head hit the wall, stroking his long silver hair out of his face so that he could kiss him better.   
  
"I missed you Yongie, God I'd be lying if I told you otherwise" Jaehyun murmured against his skin, putting a hand on his waist to feel him better.   
  
Taeyong kissed him passionately and wetly, breathing hard against his mouth every time their lips happened to part.   
  
Jaehyun had thought about him the whole weekend, but it wasn't before he saw this handsome man open the door to his room and therefore his heart that Jaehyun knew that meeting him was destiny. He had decided to treasure this man, love him eventually - all the while trying to save him from his past. Jaehyun had decided to make something beautiful out of their delicate relantionship since neither of them really had anything to loose. Right now he couldn’t care less about his license.   
  
Jaehyun felt the heat increase dramatically inside him, until it hit a point that almost made him scared. He knew he couldn't, he knew he shouldn't, but he had 1,5 hours to kiss the breathe out of this boy so he might as well do it properly. With a grunt he lifted him up against the wall, Taeyong taking the hint to cross his legs around the older's hips. He barely weighed anything, but he felt firm against him, long lean muscle reminding him of how strong he actually was.   
Taeyong gasped when Jaehyun pulled him closer to his hips, providing a closeness they hadn't shared before.   
  
_ Damm, he's beautiful. Cold, dangerous, like a wounded animal still determined to defend itself until the bitter end. _ _   
_   
He wondered what Taeyong saw in him - maybe the exact opposite - warmth, safety? Recognition?   
  
His hands were clutching his t-shirt, short nails making marks through the thin fabric. Jaehyun sucked and licked the sharp line formed by his clearcut jaw, enjoying the sensation of running his tongue along the angle.   
  
"Jae..." Taeyong moaned against his ear.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"... Am I allowed to feel this good? Like seriously?" He said with a sweet smile plastered over his face.   
  
Hearing those words broke Jaehyun's heart, and he kissed his mouth quickly. "Sweet Yongie, you deserve to feel  _ so good _ , why are you even asking?"   
  
_ Poor kid. Had _ he really felt this unloved for this long? What the fuck had he done to deserve such unhappiness?   
  
"If this is happiness what I feel I owe my life to you" He said quietly.   
  
Jaehyun's eyes started to burn as he felt the urge to squeeze the boy so hard he'd never be able to let go. He couldn’t grasp how it was possible to feel this strong for a person he barely knew apart from the things written on paper. The connection between them was too strong to be brought down by words or fists or regulations anymore.    
  
So instead he shushed him by kissing his lips feverishly until they were raw and swollen like a thorny red rose.   
  
"There's nothing else I'd like to do on this earth than make kitty happy"   
  
Taeyong scrunched his face at Jaehyun being this cringy. It was definitely something he wasn't used to; the gamers he talked to online mostly swore and posted memes too deep to understand without being high.   
  
The younger put his hands down on the waistband of Jaehyun's jeans, and for a moment he was afraid the younger might start to open his zipper, but luckily he just slid his hands beneath Jaehyun's t-shirt to touch his muscular stomach. It tickled a little, but in a pretty nice way.   
  
Taeyong bit his lip and looked sultrily down at Jaehyun, caressing his chest with a firm hand. His breath got stuck in his throat when light fingers brushed across his nipples. The intensity of the sensation was overwhelming – Jaehyun was thankful his voluntary celibacy was finally coming to an end.   
  
"I wanna see" Taeyong murmured, pushing the t-shirt up so it got stuck just above his chest. Goosebumps formed over his skin when it was touched by air cooled by the air-conditioner. He blushed from the embarrassment of being this exposed in front of another man he also just happened to be hoisting up against the wall - but Taeyong seemed to like what he saw, considering the smile playing on his lush lips.   
In the back of his mind he kept his fantasy of seeing Lee Taeyong calling his name naked on the bed. It hadn't been hard to imagine what his body looked like considering the tightness of the clothes he usually wore, but Jaehyun was still awfully interested in looking for any possible scars and birthmarks so far hidden from his eyes. Was his skin as smooth down there as it was everywhere else? Jaehyun blushed violently by the thought, and buried his head in the crook of Taeyong's neck.   
  
"You're really testing my patienc-"   
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.   
  
Both boys froze on the spot.   
  
The maids voice was heard through the door. "Mr. Taeyong? Mr. Jung? Can I come in?"   
  
It took a split of a second for Taeyong to slide down from Jaehyun's lap and running over to his bed to sit. Jaehyun quickly pulled down his t-shirt and hoped to god neither of them had any red marks shining on their necks." Yes, Yes!! Come in!" He yelled nervously.   
  
The maid came in with a teacup and two mugs on a tray. She had a slight frown on her pretty face as she put the tray down onto Taeyong's desk.   
  
"Everything okay? I heard some bumping noises through the wall" She asked.   
  
_ God. _ "Ah, sorry, I have this habit to kick the walls when I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I'm trying to quit smoking" Jaehyun said with ears as red as beetroots.   
  
"Ooh, that must be hard for you" She said respectfully.   
  
Taeyong glared at her like she just had uttered the worst insult possible in Jaehyun's face, and she took the hint to leave. She glanced interestedly in Jaehyun's direction, probably hoping to get his attention before leaving the room and closing the door after her.   
  
Jaehyun exhaled a breath of relief when she was halfway down the stairs.   
  
"Fucking hell, this is ridiculous" he almost laughed and walked up to Taeyong where he was sitting cross-legged on the bed. "I never thought I'd be in this situation at 27 years old"   
  
Taeyong tilted his head and pouted with his bitten lips, cheeks a bit flushed from earlier. He had one screamingly red bruise on his neck and Jaehyun groaned internally.   
  
"You need to wear a turtle neck for the next few days" Jaehyun said as he climbed onto the bed.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Seriously? Don't say you told her that I gave you the bruise on your forehead too"   
  
Taeyong hummed. "Can't remember. Think I made it clear that I hit you first, though"   
  
Jaehyun sighed and fell back first onto the bed. Taeyong soon followed, and after some fumbling around they ended up spooning on the bed, luckily fully clothed.   
  
"We can't keep doing this" Jaehyun mumbled against his neck. The silver colored strands were tickling his nose so he had to switch positions slightly, collecting the smaller boy down against his chest.   
  
"Keep doing what?"   
Jaehyun hesitated. Yeah, what, exactly? Pretending to go through therapy? Wanting each other? Seeing each other? He wasn't sure, since everything regarding them seemed complicated at least at some aspect. Everything, except for the fact that they found solace in each other's company.   
  
"Doing... __ This in your parents’ house. I'm no teenager; I can't do it" Jaehyun whined.   
  
"Kiss, you mean?"   
  
"Kissing, making out, whatever, we can't do it here"   
  
"Oh, Okay" Taeyong said like he was genuinely surprised.   
  
Jaehyun sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing in the younger's scent to enjoy it fully with more focused senses. He drew mindless patterns on the others arms until all of his hair there stood up.   
  
"I'm just gonna hold you here for a while, then we drink our tea" Jaehyun mumbled, and felt himself slowly dosing off.   
  
They lay together for a while, warming each other in a peaceful quiet. Obviously he didn't know Taeyong’s opinion on cuddling, but Jaehyun was now completely sure that he had fallen head over heels for this man just by how much he enjoyed their closeness. After a short nap they drank their slightly cold tea together as well, small talking about Jaehyun’s favorite basket team and Taeyong's love for exact replicas, to mention some   
.   
When Jaehyun was about to go, Taeyong asked him to wait as he searched for something between his heap of drawings.   
  
"I made you this" He said, handing over a big piece of paper. "as a thank you for letting me meet Sylvi"   
  
Jaehyun, too startled to know how to thank him, took the drawing in both hands and immediately recognized Youngho’s face, sporting the same hairstyle he had in that one picture Jaehyun kept on his bookshelf.   
  
He almost lost the ability to speak.   
  
It looked exactly like him, to the extent he recognized the look in his eyes as the exact one he used to have when talking to Jaehyun years ago.    
  
Despite being black and white, it looked so alive Jaehyun was afraid he might end up talking to the portrait.   
  
"Oh my god" he said, quickly looking up from the paper to meet Taeyong's usual blank expression. "You drew him this well from seeing just one picture??"   
  
The younger nodded shyly.   
  
Jaehyun couldn't pull his eyes away from the portrait. He was incredibly touched, and so very honored to be given such a gift. This was by far the greatest gift he had ever gotten (maybe apart from the play station his parents gave him when he was a little kid, at least when it came to a level of happiness. Boy, he and Youngho spent so many hours playing on that...).    
  
"Oh my god, Taeyong-ah. Thank you. Truly, I am so grateful!"    
  
He bowed and gave then the other a small kiss while holding the portrait in his hands.   
  
In all fairness, the other looked a little uncomfortable, probably not really knowing how to act when receiving someone’s gratitude.    
  
After saying their goodbye's Jaehyun opened the door, leaving Taeyong standing awkwardly inside his room.   
  
"Don't you ever leave me, Jaehyun" he said with a small voice.   
  
"I won't. See you on Friday, baby"   
  
Jaehyun ran down the stairs with the portrait in his hands only to meet Taeyong’s mother standing by the lower steps.  Mrs. Lee couldn't wrap her head around why Jaehyun all of a sudden had received a portrait as a present from her son. He had never given a single gift to any of their family members except for his sister - and furthermore, why had he drawn some random teenager?   
  
Jaehyun tried to quickly explain that it was his long lost best friend that unfortunately had passed away years ago. It was completely Taeyong’s own idea to make him a portrait of him. Unfortunately, Mrs. Lee wasn't pleased with answer at all.   
  
"So Taeyong's the one comforting you now? I'm confused, Mr. Jung" She said sourly.   



	9. Session 9

The following week felt like one very cold and long winter - hard. Jaehyun sent Taeyong a picture showing how he had framed the portrait of Youngho and put it up on the wall. He was planning to take the younger out for dinner (probably just take-out at a safe place like Jaehyun's apartment) on friday night, and had already told him about his plans. Taeyong had been a little apprehensive but Jaehyun assured him they wouldn't be meeting much other people than the clerk Jaehyun bought their food from.

But when friday came he received an e-mail from Mr. Lee, saying that the entire family would be busy this weekend as well. Jaehyun's heart dropped, since he had really been looking forward to seeing Taeyong again. He was afraid how the other would react too, considering he kind of flipped that time Jaehyun left him alone for over a week.

_ 12:40 _ _   
_ _ Your Dad just told me you'll be busy this weekend, so I won't be able to come tonight :( _

  1. _ 43 Yongie__  
__What?_

_ 12.44 _ _   
_ _ Yeah, well, I'll probably pop by after work on monday _

_ 12.45 Yongie _ _   
_ _ I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch with my own bare hands _

Jaehyun cringed and put his phone away. What was he gonna do for the rest of the weekend? Jack off to white guys with big dicks? Watch basket... And jack off to big guys with ball tricks? Why couldn't Taeyong just leave the freaking house already...    
  
  


On Monday morning he received a videocall from his boss. 

Apparently Mr. Lee had called in and asked to end the contract they had with Jaehyun. They thanked him for being good to their son but they weren't sure if he was suitable for their son's and family's needs. They were afraid Jaehyun fed their son with drugs or something since he always seemed so very keen on knowing when Jaehyun was coming to visit. He also behaved and even looked slightly different from before. 

"What???? I would NEVER-" 

His boss lifted her hands up in defense. 

"Take it easy. I know you didn’t give him drugs. There's really no point to that"

Jaehyun swallowed hard. 

"I've heard this before. Family get scared of their loved ones new behavior and blames the therapist instead of thanking them for this positive development of character. It happens to everyone, don't worry" 

"But..." He knew he had to watch his words well. "But I know how to fix him now!! We had a breakthrough!" 

The woman smiled kindly and crossed her hands. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure you can give good advice to the colleague taking over after you" 

"But..." 

Jaehyun didn't know what to say. Had Taeyong told them the truth? Or did they see those… Yes, they must have seen the bruises on his neck. It wasn’t like Taeyong had tried to hide his other scars and bruises earlier either.    
  
He had it coming though. 

They had it coming.   
  
Had they told Taeyong? 

Was it naive of him to be afraid of how Taeyong might have reacted? 

  
  


When he picked up his private phone, the other had already texted him. 

_ 13.54 Yongie _ _   
_ _ So you're not coming?  _

Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck. 

_ 14.36 _ _   
_ _ Your parents fired me. I really don't know what I’m supposed to do right now.  _

_ 14.37 Yongie _ _   
_ _ You're not coming.  _

14.38   
_ I'm sure we'll figure it out. I'll get a good therapist for you who will have you back out on the streets in no time. Then we can see each other all the time, you can come to my place whenever you want _

_ 14.39 Yongie _ _   
_ _ You said you won't leave _

_ 14.39 _ _   
_ _ Taeyong, I’m not leaving you! I'll figure this out! Give me a few days, I'll talk to my boss and your folks  _

He didn't answer after that. 

Actually, he didn't utter a single word in text for the next couple of days. 

_ 19.57 _ _   
_ _ Taeyong, how are you?  _

_ 20.35 _ _   
_ _ Taeyongie?  _

_ 22.58 _ _   
_ _ Baby are you ok, I'm here for you _

_ 04.15 _ _   
_ _ Hey could you please answer I'm getting really worried _

_ 04.16 _ _   
_ _ I'll do my best to convince your parents to let me see you, I'll go talk to my boss tomorrow  _

_ 04.17 _ _   
_ _ I won't leave you _

_ 04.18 _ _   
_ _ I'll never leave you, I promise, I do promise now _

He was left on read every single time. After that morning Taeyong didn't even read the messages - it took Jaehyun multiple texts to realize this. He then tried to call him, but obviously it just beeped and beeped and beeped without never even reaching the voicemail. 

He went to talk with his boss again. She offered to call Taeyong's parents and talk about the situation one more time. Apparently Mr. Lee told her that everything was fine, Taeyong was playing video games in his room, and they thought it was best to keep a slight break before having the poor boy meet yet another stranger trying to make him whole again. 

Jaehyun wanted to scream to his boss that he was genuinely worried since he didn't even read his text messages anymore - but obviously he couldn't tell her that, since it was strictly forbidden to interact with clients outside working hours. So that day he went home with his tail between his legs, putting his only hope in Mr. Lee's promise of the boy being okay. 

_ 23.02 _ _   
_ _ You're breaking my heart, Taeyong. Don't shut me out, don't do it. Don't do it for you and me. _

No answer. 

Next day went in a haze at work. Jaehyun did his tasks, quite poorly and so, and had to beg his client for forgiveness for being somewhat uncoherent and distant. Luckily she understood, agreeing that it is only human for everyone to feel affected by the world surrounding them. _ I can’t work like this _ , he thought. 

He asked his boss if he could go visit the Lee house. She said no. He asked what would happen if he went there nevertheless. She didn’t know.   
  
Yeonha’s name popped up on his screen later that afternoon, making his heart jump up into his throat. He knew it, something was happening at the house after all! 

"Yes Jung Jaehyun here?" He greeted breathlessly, dropping his paperwork on the floor. 

"Mr. Jung! You gotta come quickly!" She said agitatedly, sounding like she was outside. 

"I'm on my way, what's happening?" 

"Mr. Taeyong... He tried to leave the house. He did, ran out into the street, freaked out from seeing the traffic and was almost hit by car and..." she rambled. 

"Breathe, Yeonha. Where is he now?" 

"He went back inside the house and found that his parents had confiscated his phone. He demanded them to call you to take him away. Obviously they didn't, and somehow he had gotten a knife from the kitchen and threatened to hurt himself bad enough to be forced to go the hospital. Mr. Lee got angry and ended up getting a quite deep cut wound in his hand when he pulled the knife away from Mr. Taeyong. He then went back into his room and now he's... " in the background Jaehyun could hear Mrs. Lee screaming at Yeonha. "I'm calling for help, Ma'am! Anyway, he's now standing by his window ranting about how much he hate them and he's rambling about all kinds of odd stuff"

"Is he psychotic?" 

"I... I don't know what it means but I'm afraid he might jump again" 

"Tell him i'm coming" 

Jaehyun probably got caught on quite a few speed cams when he hurried trough the city to the Lee family neighborhood. He silently wished he'd accidentally run over Mr. And Mrs. Lee while speeding up their street – In what reality did they live thinking they knew what's best for him, completely ignoring the work Jaehyun had done together with Taeyong.    
  
He curved up into their yard, earning the attention of three pairs of eyes; Taeyong's not being one of them. The door to the car slammed shut with a loud noise when Jaehyun jumped out from the car that just barely had stopped moving. 

"Mr. Jung! You have no right to be here anymo-" Mrs. Lee hissed angrily when she saw Jaehyun rushing towards the front door. 

Jaehyun gave both wife and husband a quick bow before pacing past them without saying a single word. 

"Hey! You can't-" She shouted, but was interrupted by her husband.    
  
"He might be able to help him" he told her silently with a hand on her wrist. 

Jaehyun looked back at Mr. Lee and nodded in gratitude, before continuing inside the house. 

"You pervert!! You want to take our child from us!!” Mrs. Lee spitted after him.

Jaehyun didn't have time to address the comment right now - instead he ran straight up to Taeyong's room and went in after knocking on the door as a meaningless warning. He hadn't really thought about any strategies to solve this issue since his only focus had been to reach Taeyong as soon as possible. In case Taeyong actually was psychotic or actively suicidal he would have to take him to the hospital pretty soon - something that Jaehyun definitely wouldn't want to force him to do, but would, if he had to.   
  
Indeed, he found Taeyong standing by the window, looking mindlessly out into nothingness with tears flowing down his face. The interesting part was that his face wasn't crying per se - only his eyes; his expression was otherwise scarily neutral.   
  
On the floor was a small pool of blood, apparently originating from a slow stream coming down along his left leg. His jeans were black so Jaehyun couldn't pinpoint the exact origin, but since the pants seemed to be ripped high up on his left thigh he supposed he had tried to cut his femoral arteries or something, either missing the target by purpose or by accident. The blood that was dripping down was definitely venous and quite scarce, which meant he wasn't in direct danger regarding the bleeding. It didn't seem like Taeyong had actually tried to kill himself with that cut - otherwise he could just have cut his throat or his wrists in a more effective manner. Jaehyun supposed he had tried to make the shallow cut bleed as much as it could without being directly life threatening, so that his parents would be forced to take him to the hospital - away from the house and its rules and bad memories.   
  
"Baby" He whispered and got the younger's attention. "You don't need to jump, I'm already here"   
  
Taeyong's eyes widened when he saw Jaehyun and his mouth fell open. Then his knees got wobbly and he lost his balance - and for a moment Jaehyun thought he actually was about to fall out the window. But luckily he collapsed down towards the floor instead. His left shoulder hit the floor and he rolled onto his back, letting out a single cry from pain.   
  
Jaehyun ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders, lifting him up to a seated position.   
  
"Taeyongie, are you alright? Are you hurt somewhere?"   
  
The younger's eyes were still glossy from tears, and finally also his eyebrows scrunched up into a pained expression.   
  
"They told me I'm safer here..."   
  
"Your parents did? Sure they did, they don't want you to leave, you know"   
  
"They said I won’t be able to see you again..."   
  
"Indeed" Jaehyun said, embracing the boy and pulling him closer to his chest.   
  
"I thought you might come if I went to the hospital"   
  
Jaehyun rubbed his back with his palm and noticed how the shirt was all damp from sweat.   
  
"You're an adult. I can't come here if your parents forbid me, but you can come to me if you want to. Where you go is none of their business"  
  
Taeyong's tears made Jaehyun's shirt wet, but he didn't care. The blood on his jeans made his own lighter jeans stained too, but he didn't care about that either.   
  
"Come with me. I can patch you up at my place? Like I did before?"   
  
Taeyong suddenly pulled away from Jaehyun to look him in the eyes.   
  
"Why? Why me? I'm nothing. I don't have anything. I don't have friends. I don't have an education. I don't have a job. I don't have any motivation or any ambition in life. What is this life even worth? How can I ever be enough?"   
  
It was the first time Jaehyun heard him doubt himself. With his past it was expected that his image of himself and perception of self-worth would be cracked and dysfunctional, but he had actually thought that Taeyong might have been past that, not really caring about what other thought of him. Jaehyun was actually relieved to learn that he was wrong - Taeyong was vulnerable, and very much human in that sense.   
  
"Ain't it enough to be young and loved?" Jaehyun said, voice cracking a little by the impact of his words.   
  
The younger blinked a few times, scanning his face.   
  
"I don't know, Jung. I don't know anything about life"   
  
Whatever might happen to his license, whatever Mrs. Lee accused him off, Jaehyun was now more determined than ever to make this man feel loved and protected for the rest of his life. Fuck the rest, fuck the rules, he won't let Taeyong go down the way Youngho went. Deep inside, Jaehyun knew Youngho had been in love with him, and for that reason he always ended up blaming himself for his death since he had been completely blind to his best friend’s true feelings when he still was alive. Jaehyun refused to let the history repeat itself.   
  
Jaehyun got up from the floor and reached his hand out to Taeyong.   
  
"Hey. Let's leave this place. Take what you need and let's go. Right now"  
  
Taeyong looked at him for a while, dread evident in his eyes as it always was, and he probably went through a myriad of emotions since he was about to face his fears of leaving the safety of this house - a safety built on a traumatic childhood and painful memories.   
  
"I'm officially not employed here anymore, so I'm gonna walk out these doors with you as your civilian friend and nothing more. Let's go now before you change your mind"   
  
Taeyong looked nervously around the room.   
  
"I ... my computer"   
  
"I'll carry that damn computer" Jaehyun said and walked briskly to the desk, pulling out the plugs from the wall so that he could pick the monitor (luckily thin and light) and the computer itself up into his arms.   
  
"Anything else?"   
  
The silver haired man jumped up from the floor. He looked a little disorientated, and Jaehyun wondered if he had increased the dosage of his drugs or if he just hadn't eaten or slept anything for the last couple of days. He went up to the wall and took down the portrait of his sister as well as the drawing Jaehyun had made of him long ago. Then he went down to search through his heap of other drawings and picked up the one with the terrier.   
  
"Where did you put the... the picture of my-.." he asked hesitantly.   
  
"We are NOT taking that with us" Jaehyun replied firmly.   
  
Taeyong nodded nervously and put on a big jumper and a hoodie on top, carrying the drawings in his hands.   
  
"My meds" he said.   
  
"Were are they?"   
  
"Downstairs. Mother or Yeonha gives them to me every morning"   
  
Jaehyun bit his tongue. "Okay. You go get them as I talk with your parents"   
  
He walked down with the computer in his lap and was met by a completely rabid Mrs. Lee. Her mouth fell open when she saw the computer in Jaehyun's lap.   
  
"What on earth do you think you are doing?"   
  
"Your son will stay with me until we find a safer place for him" Jaehyun said, walking past her towards the entrance.   
  
"He would never leave on his free will!! You’re forcing him!"  
  
"Well ask him yourself!" Jaehyun nearly shouted.   
  
He walked out the house to place the computer into the backseat of his car. The maid was staring dumbfounded at him, while Mr. Lee was running inside the house to check what was going on with his son and his wife.   
  
When Jaehyun returned it was all mayhem inside.   
  
Mrs. Lee was screaming at Taeyong, demanding to know why he was leaving. When Taeyong didn't answer, she eventually started letting out her steam by expressing her disappointment regarding her son.   
  
"... You're a disgrace!! We would have given your sister the company if we knew you would turn out to be such a failure! And you've been ungrateful enough to live here for free all these-"  
  
Taeyong walked past her without saying a word. He went up to his father and reached out his hand.   
  
"My phone, Dad"   
  
Mr. Lee looked at him for a moment before giving him his phone back with his non-injured hand. They shared a look before Mr. Lee nodded slowly in Taeyong's direction. Maybe he understood, maybe he didn't, but he definitely expressed some kind of acceptance in the way he let Taeyong pass him unhindered on his way out. Taeyong noticed the changed expression in his father's eyes and decided to do a small bow before leaving, almost unnoticeable due to how quick it was.   
  
"This is a temporary solution. He needs to get independent. I won't be putting him into some ward or anything, he's free to return here when he's ready" Jaehyun told Mr. Lee when he gazed back at Jaehyun who was standing by the door.   
  
"I trust that you know what's best" the older man answered solemnly.   
  
Mrs. Lee, on the other hand, was still raging, now also at her husband for his mellow reaction to Taeyong's sudden change of mind. Jaehyun walked outside to wait for Taeyong to put his shoes on, but when he was done, his mother stood in front of him trying to block the way out.   
  
"YOU! You dare not leave me before you sit down and explain what's your problem, child! I'm tired of this nonsens-"   
  
Taeyong slapped her. He slapped her hard across her left cheek.   
  
"See you later, Mom" He said coldly and pushed past the startled woman, following Jaehyun out to his car. 


	10. Session 10

Jaehyun felt lightheaded when he drove away from their yard. He couldn't even imagine how Taeyong felt – finally leaving, actually LEAVING his home with a man he'd met just a handful of times. It was something forbidden about it, Jaehyun mused. Jaehyun felt like a teenager again, still living at home, recently having broken up with his girlfriend only to dream about the cute guy next doors. Taeyong was now his teenage crush - the one he never even approached - the one that sadly wasn't Youngho.   
  
The set-up in Jaehyun’s car was mildly speaking odd. Taeyong's computer was on the backseat, while Taeyong himself was sitting on Jaehyun's gym-towel since his pants were all bloody. Luckily the shallow wound had stopped bleeding long time ago, and if he was lucky, it might not even need stitches.  
  
Jaehyun knew that Taeyong hadn't eaten by the way his cheeks looked ghastly pale and his shoulders sunken. He didn't even know what kind of food he liked, though Jaehyun's fridge didn't contain more than beer, milk and his favorite yoghurt. That meant that he had to leave the boy alone in his apartment when going to the corner store. He couldn't possibly hurt himself more in Jaehyun's apartment, could he?   
  
"Uhm, what would you like to e-" He began.   
  
"Just drive, Jung."  
  
Jaehyun bit his tongue to silence himself, as he didn't like Taeyong using his surname - but hearing him use it probably also meant that it was the wisest to just shut up.   
  
Jaehyun parked in the hall beneath the building he was living in.   
  
"This idea to take you to my place was really spontaneous, I haven't planned this" Jaehyun said when he shut off the engine. It was indeed quite nerve wrecking to bring this usually tidy man into his bachelor's flat that probably could have used some vacuuming before having guests over. He hadn't thought about the sleeping arrangements either, but he supposed he could sleep on the couch so that Taeyong could take his bed. That's the least he could do for him, after all.   
  
Taeyong didn't answer and just left the car with his drawings pressed up against his chest.   
  
Jaehyun picked up the bag with meds and other personal things belonging to Taeyong, as well as the damned computer and its monitor. With some struggle he managed to lock the car and walk with everything towards the elevator - only hoping that Taeyong would follow him nicely. They were lucky not to meet any neighbors in the elevator, and rode it silently all the way up to the sixth floor where Jaehyun’s apartment was located.   
  
"Here it is" he told Taeyong when they reached the end of the hall. With a frustrated groan he managed to fish up his keys from his pocket despite carrying an entire stationary computer.   
  
He waited for Taeyong to step in before going in after, somehow managing to close the door with his elbow. Then he immediately walked up to the dinner table and dumped the computer there with a huge sigh of relief.   
  
"God it was bulkier than I thought"   
  
Taeyong was standing in the middle of the living room (well, the apartment was small and didn't consist of anything fancier than a bedroom, a bathroom and a living room with an inbuilt kitchen compartment) looking around the space. Jaehyun couldn’t deny how chaotic he looked with his bloodied, ripped pants, messy hair and dark circles under his huge eyes. He looked like some gothic character from some obscure anime. For some reason, Jaehyun was afraid of confronting him regarding his weary looks since the younger seemed awfully off balance.   
  
Like he had read his mind, the silver haired man spoke up. "You live _here_?"  
  
Jaehyun scoffed. "Yes?"   
  
"Oh" the other said, clearly unimpressed. _Damn brat, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, _the jealous stupid kid inside Jaehyun muttered. The attitude gave him courage to speak up himself, too.  
  
"I can't have you sit down on my sofa with those bloody pants. Take them off so I can check that wound"   
  
As soon as the request had escaped his mouth it occurred to him what he really just had asked for.   
Since Taeyong was in his "don't care" state-of-mind he begun to shamelessly unbutton his tight jeans in the middle of the living room.   
  
Jaehyun felt like stopping him, but then again, that was exactly what had to be done in case he wanted to look at the cut. His cheeks turned bright crimson when he saw Taeyong pulling down his moist jeans, revealing thin, ridiculously long legs, one of them being tainted with the brownish colour of dried up blood. In all its morbidity and embarrassment Jaehyun couldn’t help but admire the boy’s nice figure, but he quickly made sure to slap himself mentally for thinking in such horrible ways in this delicate situation. Luckily the boy understood not to remove his very short, black boxers, fitting undeniably tight against his hip.   
_  
__Okay. Focus. He's bleeding, for god's sake._   
  
"Are you gonna keep these completely destroyed jeans?"   
  
Taeyong shook his head. Jaehyun was happy for the extra set of clothes they had picked up from Taeyong's own room.   
  
"Okay, I'll throw them away then." After getting some sanitizing alcohol and a pair of plastic gloves he walked up to Taeyong, channeling his professionality to the max - and it indeed worked as long as he didn't focus on catching his face.   
  
He went down on his knees in front of him _(Dear lord have mercy_) and inspected the 3 cm long shallow cut along his upper thigh. It wasn't too far away from the femoral artery, but definitely way too shallow to reach it. It had stopped bleeding long ago. With trembling fingers he pushed the hem of the boxer up his thigh so that he could clean the wound easier. The skin felt hot - probably hotter than normal because of the laceration some hours earlier.   
  
Jaehyun cleaned it wordlessly, examining the edges. He didn't have sutures here at his home, but he belived some tight skintape might keep it together.   
  
"I can't stitch it up here..." Jaehyun said, checking if the edges would stay together if applied enough pressure.   
  
"Can't you do the superglue thing?"  
  
Jaehyun dared to look up at the boy, eyes resting longer than needed on the waistband of his boxers. "I don't have it either..." When might he be able to dip a finger down that waistband?   
_Keep it together you horny idiot!_  
  
He got up to his feet and went to pick his keys up. "I'll go fetch some from the store. What would you like to eat?"  
  
Taeyong went to sit on the couch, gathering his naked knees into his arms. He looked at Jaehyun for a while before closing his eyes and resting his forehead on his knees.   
  
Jaehyun sighed. Obviously he shouldn't have expected an answer. The man was a train wreck.   
"Okay, well, I'll get us some take away, I guess... You wait here, okay?"   
  
He waited a second or two for an answer.   
  
"Baby?"   
  
The younger eventually nodded.   
  
"Okay" Jaehyun replied, feeling somewhat sullen. He closed the door behind him and hurried down to the nearest supermarket.   
  
30 minutes later, he came back with some Chinese take away, a bag full of fruits and sweets and breakfast stuff like cereal and eggs; not to forget the damn superglue. Taeyong was still sitting in the same position on the coach, but he lifted his gaze when Jaehyun stepped in through the door.   
When the smell of hot food reached his nostrils he straightened his back, and Jaehyun could totally hear his stomach growling beneath his hoodie.   
  
"You hungry?" Jaehyun said, feeling like he was talking to a child or some puppy. He wished this weird atmosphere wouldn't last too long, though.   
  
Taeyong nodded again and put his feet down to the floor. The sight of screamingly naked pale skin against his dark gray coach made such a contrast Jaehyun was sure he wouldn't forget it in a heartbeat.   
  
"We need to fix that wound first" he said, picking up the superglue from the plastic bag. He put on a pair of fresh plastic gloves and disinfected the area one more time, before putting glue into the cut and pressing hard around the edges with his thumbs, trying not to glue any of the hairs on his leg into the wound. Taeyong winced a little since the glue probably burned him quite a bit on this sensitive area of skin.   
  
"Does it hurt a lot, baby?" Jaehyun asked as he let the rest of his fingers rest against Taeyong's bare thigh. His body heat radiated strong through Jaehyun's plastic gloves and he realized it felt odd to be this close.   
  
"No" Taeyong replied softly.   
  
A silence lay between them thick and inviting.   
  
Jaehyun heard his own breathing being too loud and too obvious in the tiny space between him and the younger. He knew he had to hold still for at least 1 more minute, but it felt like an eternity when the other was just there, a few inches away from his face, smelling so intoxifyingly good. His little finger twitched against his leg impatiently.   
  
Taeyong probably felt it too, because he moved his hand slowly from his side down to the back of Jaehyun's head, dipping his fingers through the thick strands of his hair. The older couldn't help but let out a satisfied sigh, partly from how good it felt, partly from how excited he was for the direction their relationship was going. He closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of the other’s fingers against his scalp, stilling his own thumbs around the drying glue. Then he felt a pressure on his head, realizing it was Taeyong's hand pulling him closer. With his heart in his throat he gave in more and more until his lips where brushing against the hairs of his leg.   
  
_This man, this beautiful, stellar man, and I can make him mine. __  
___  
An exhale, an inhale, and his lips were on his skin, kissing sweetly Taeyong's left thigh.   
  
1 minute was up.   
  
He released his lips and tried to hide how flustered he was by focusing on the glued up cut in front of him. Gently he pulled away his thumbs, and the edges seemed to keep together. Excellent. The only thing left was to cover it with some sturdy skin tape and wish it wouldn’t rip open.   
  
"I forgot to tell you that you shouldn't shower for at least a day but maybe you'll survive" Jaehyun said before standing up to go fetch the skintape. The sudden movement made him all dizzy, as his heartbeat was elevated already from before. "Oh and then you can put on some clean trousers so we can eat". Enough was enough, after all.   
  
  
Taeyong ate like he hadn't seen food before. The older decided not to ask why he hadn't eaten properly back home. There probably was some weird reason making sense to Taeyong and no-one else so he might as well keep it to himself. Jaehyun was just pleased to see the boy being this comfortable in HIS home. It wasn’t like they talked that much that particular evening anyways; Jaehyun concluded that leaving his childhood home was enough activity for Taeyong today. If he wanted to talk, they'd talk, but otherwise he'd respect Taeyong’s need for emotional privacy as long as he needed it.  
  
"Thank you for the food, Jaehyun" Taeyong said as he pushed the completely clean plate away. **  
****  
****In a**n attempt to lighten up the mood, Jaehyun asked something that had bothered him since they met. "Can I ask you why you don't really use honorifics? Like call me "hyung" or something. And don’t take me wrong, I've completely fine with that, I'm just curious"   
  
The younger looked up at him. "Why would I be bothered? You are Jaehyun, right?"   
  
"Yes, of course I am"  
  
"Then I'll call you Jaehyun"  
  
"Or Jung"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You call me Jung at times"  
  
"Why do you care so much? I haven't been asking you why you call me baby either" Taeyong said completely neutrally, not accusing the other or anything.   
  
"Oh, I- I can stop if it makes you uncomfort-"  
  
"It doesn't. I'm okay with it"  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"But why do you"   
  
"Why I call you baby? Well, it's an endearment, and I ... "   
  
Jaehyun hesistated. Saying it out loud was different. It was a confession, more to himself than to the other who probably didn’t even grasp the concept of falling in love. "Well, heck, I like you, you know. I like you a lot. And however hard I try, I cannot see you as just a friend. That's why I call you baby - because it's something that common friends don't call each other" He said quietly, wondering if the other understood what he was aiming for with this reveal. After all, their situation was awfully complex not only considering Taeyong's state of mind. Did he still consider Jaehyun as his therapist of sort? Or simply as a friend – however unable to grasp the usual boundaries between platonic friendship and a romantic one? But then again, they had already kissed and-  
  
"I know" Taeyong said confidently. "I know you like me, and that's the number one reason I wish to improve myself. I just wanted to hear you say it"   
  
Fireworks went off in Jaehyun's chest and he wondered if his heart would be able to take it all.   
  
Taeyong seemed to be exhausted so he went to bed straight after having filled his belly. Jaehyun changed the sheets in his bed for him and told him that he would have to leave early for work tomorrow. The thought of work gave him loads of anxiety. The Lee's might have called his boss, or even worse, the police, after leaving the house with Taeyong. Jaehyun hadn't done anything wrong per se since Taeyong was an independent adult able to make his own decisions, but the fact about running off with his ex-therapist messed it all up big time. Jaehyun decided to talk with his boss about it and then, if needed, he would resign from his job as a psychiatrist until things calmed down. Where he would get money was a completely different story though - but he wouldn't stress about that too much right now. Worrying about things that might or might now happen wasn't very sustainable. Who knows, if he got lucky, the Lee's might just let the thing drop considering how the story might affect their company if leaked. "Mentally ill son and heir to the Lee enterprises runs away with gay therapist" wouldn't look good on the papers.   
  
Eventually he fell asleep on the couch, only to be woken up by a pale angellike creature in the middle of the night.   
  
"Jaehyun" a hoarse whisper woke him, not really matching the image of him in Jaehyun's half dreaming, half awaken state.   
  
"What?" Jaehyun forced himself to sit up. "Are you okay?". He checked his watch and notice it was 1.30 a.m.   
  
"I can't sleep" The younger said in a meak voice.   
  
Jaehyun rubbed his eyes. "That's understandable, you haven't slept anywhere but home for god knows how long. You need some sleeping pills or?"   
  
"No, I'm like... I'm afraid"  
  
Jaehyun reached out for the younger's hand.   
  
"Huh? Afraid of what?"  
  
"Of the cold, among other things"  
  
"Cold? Are you cold? I thought it's pretty hot here"  
  
"I'm not cold"   
  
"Okay?"   
  
"I'm just worried about what I will feel when I wake up here where I have nothing but my clothes and my computer. If I actually do wake up - what if I never wake up? What if I die in this unfamiliar place, what if- "  
  
"What are you rambling about, Taeyong-ah, you want me to drive you back home?" He squeezed his hand reassuringly. The other was shaking, despite it being pretty warm in his small apartment.   
  
"No! No, I know it's not good for me. I know it only harbors evil memories. I had nightmares so often that I got used to wake up feeling nauseous”. Taeyong’s voice cracked and he seemed to fall off tracks. “ Do you know what he did to me, Jung Jaehyun? Has anyone even told you that? First he forced me to watch, then I had to-"  
  
"Taeyong! Stop! Please. You have to sleep now. We'll talk about those things when you're feeling stronger" Jaehyun got up from the couch and embraced him tight against his chest. He didn't want to hear what Taeyong's uncle had done to him. Eventually he probably had to, but not now, not now.   
  
Taeyong felt warm in his hands, warm and soft despite his broad shoulders and bony hips. The younger burrowed his face into Jaehyun's neck as he clutched at his pajamas. Jaehyun kissed his silvery hair that seemed to shine even in the darkness of the night.   
  
"Would you sleep better if I slept with you? I can hold you til you fall asleep" He mumbled against his hair. "You're with me, remember? I cannot end the war in your mind but I can protect you from the cold"  
  
He felt Taeyong nod against his chest.   
  
"Okay. Let's go sleep, then" Jaehyun said and waited for Taeyong to pull away a little. When he eventually did, he cupped his cheek lightly and kissed the younger on his slightly parted lips - lovingly, softly, oh so zealously.   
  
After sharing a kiss in the darkness of Jaehyun's apartment, they walked silently to said man's bedroom and crawled up under the covers of his bed. Cheesy as it was, Jaehyun laid on his back with one arm around the younger, pulling him close against his chest where a mop of silver hair could lie beneath his chin. Taeyong held him too, very tightly at first, then looser and looser until he eventually fell asleep. The sweet sound of air escaping his lips as he breathed was soothing, and Jaehyun felt himself drift away as well. It had been years since he fell asleep like this with another person, thinking he wouldn't miss it nor need it, but boy, was he wrong.   



	11. Session 11

"Here's my resignation letter" Jaehyun said, handing over the envelope to his boss.   
  
"Jaehyun, what?" She said, shock evident over her face. "Why?"  
  
"The Lee family haven't called you yet?"   
  
"The Lee's? No, why? What has happened?"   
  
Jaehyun went to sit down in the chair in front of the desk._ So they hadn't called yet. _They still might though. The truth would certainly come out at some point, so better just be honest about it.   
  
"The Lee boy. I befriended him. He threatened to take his life when his parents told him that I wasn't welcomed in their house anymore. Apparently they didn't like my influence on him, and well, the fact that we grew quite close. Anyways, he's not getting along with his parents at all so I suggested that he move elsewhere, which he agreed upon. I am afraid the Lee's will call here and accuse me of kidnapping their adult son who is in fact fully capable of making his own decisions"  
  
His boss looked utterly confused. "Okay... So where is he staying now?"  
  
"At my place, until we come up with a better solution. His parents refuse to give him money to rent his own place. And I don't think a psychiatric ward is the right place for him either. He ain't that sick"  
  
"So your client is staying at your place?"  
  
"My ex-client. I'm his friend, not his therapist anymore since I got fired. And yes. I know it sounds bad. That's why I'm resigning"  
  
His boss leaned back in her chair and crossed her hands on the table. She was a smart woman with a kind heart, she wouldn't hurt Jaehyun by spreading the story to the press. Being just plainly curious was a different thing.   
  
"How much of a "friend" are you to this Lee boy?"  
  
Jaehyun swallowed hard. Oh, she knew exactly what was going on.   
  
"Enough of a friend to make me resign from a job I enjoy"  
  
  
Jaehyun explained the situation to his boss for the next half an hour, and since his boss refused to let him resign, they decided to put him off duty for some time until the situation cleared.   
  
"Let's call it an early holiday. One week paid, the rest unpaid if you believe that you can't return just yet. I can ask someone to reschedule your clients"  
  
"What happens if the Lee's call me and accuse me off harassing their son or something?"   
  
"Well, I'll refer to what you've told me here today. Don't worry, the worst thing that can happen is that you lose your license for some time, if the things you told me are true - and if the Lee boy doesn't speak against you."  
  
"He won't, I know that. Thank you Ma'am for having faith in me." Jaehyun was lucky to have such a pragmatic and patient woman as his boss - she really helped him justify at least some aspects of this tricky situation.   
  
Jaehyun went home after finishing the most urgent tasks, planning how to address Mr. and Mrs. Lee regarding the situation. He knew he had to call them - or well, either he or Taeyong, but knowing Taeyong he obviously wouldn't do it.   
  
Feeling overly stressed about everything he came home to see Taeyong sitting by his dinner table in front of his computer, that he apparently had chosen to set up just there. It felt weird, but undeniably also quite nice to come home knowing someone was there waiting for him.   
  
Taeyong greeted him and paused his game. "Jaehyun!"   
  
The excitement of his voice made Jaehyun smile stupidly. "Are you feeling better today, sweetie?" I mean, he couldn't lie, he was stupefyingly adorable in his oversized t-shirt and Jaehyun's pajama shorts.   
  
Taeyong got up and ran his hands through his overly messy hair.   
"I think so” he replied. Maybe he had forgotten to bring his hairbrush, or something.  
  
Jaehyun came up to him and wrapped his arms around the other's lower back, pulling him closer. He looked at him for a while and enjoyed the serene beauty of him. Jaehyun noticed how pretty his burnt eyebrow was as well, matching well the prominent scarring under his right eye. Then he closed the gap between them and kissed him passionately. Taeyong moaned into his mouth at once, apparently surprised by the older's sudden kiss.  
  
The troll twisting his guts reminded him of the issue with Taeyong's parents, and he was forced to break off the kiss.   
  
"Taeyong-ah, we need to talk with your parents. They might be worrying a lot about where you are" Jaehyun sighed against his neck.   
  
He felt Taeyong tense up and pull back with a frown on his face.   
  
Jaehyun continued. "I suppose you don't want to do it, so I thought I could call them right now so that I won't have to worry about it for the rest of the night, okay?"   
  
"Mhm" the younger said, clinging to him for a while before returning to his computer.   
  
Jaehyun took a deep breath before dialing Mr. Lee's number, knowing he might be somewhat more composed than Taeyong's temperamentful mother.   
  
The deep baritone answered the call quite immediately, making Jaehyun feel even more nervous than before.   
  
"Hello Mr. Lee, this is Jung Jaehyun"  
  
"Mr. Jung."  
  
"I'm very sorry for the mess yesterday. I was called to come at once since I heard your son-"  
"Call him Taeyong."  
"Oh, of course, excuse me, Mr. Lee. So I heard Taeyong wasn't feeling good, and that's why I came. You see, after having spent time with him over the past weeks I've come to realize he harbors a lot of traumatic memories from his childhood and…” He began explaining the thing he had come to realize was behind many of Taeyong's problems. Despite having told the same thing to Mrs. Lee earlier he was quite certain Mr. Lee might see it differently if hearing it from Jaehyun directly.   
  
In the corner of his eye he saw said man looking at him from his chair, listening to what Jaehyun had to say about him.   
  
"... I know he doesn't have any own money to rent an apartment, so I thought he might stay in my guest room for a while..."  
  
"Oh that's a lie, you don’t have a guestroom" Taeyong suddenly said.   
  
Jaehyun cringed and continued. "... before he finds his own space or wants to return home. Furthermore, his self-harming tendencies are quite strong, so it would be wisest to have someone professional supervise him for some time until he feels better. As you obviously know I resigned as his therapist earlier, but I could still keep an eye on him while he's here..."   
  
The silver haired boy paused his game again and left the computer to walk up to Jaehyun. Jaehyun was afraid he might try to take the phone, but he didn't - he just observed the phone call from a distance.   
  
"Yes I agree, a mental ward is not the right place for him right now"  
  
Suddenly Taeyong started playing with the hem of his own t-shirt, pulling it teasingly upwards with a lewd smile on his face. _What the heck was he doing?__  
_  
"We have become good friends yes, he trusts me. Yes he is here now, I can try to ask him..." Taeyong's t-shrirt flew down on the floor, and Jaehyun thought he would choke by the sight of how he kept touching himself from his collarbones to his bare chest and down his stomach. _What the…?__  
__  
_ "Uuuuh, I… I’ll ask him if he wants to talk". Taeyong was shaking his head franticly, _but fuck, _his dad deserved to know he was alive no matter how much Taeyong hated phone calls. Furthermore, Jaehyun wanted to punish him a little for trying to distract him from his important call.   
  
Jaehyun pressed the phone up against Taeyong's ear, miming a "Please" to get him so say at least something.   
  
"Hello Dad it's me, I'm feeling great, I do not want to come home, Mr. Jung is very good to me, bye" He said, raising an eyebrow in Jaehyun's direction_.__  
_  
Taeyong pushed Jaehyun's hand with the phone away from him. Jaehyun brought the phone back to his own ear reluctantly.   
  
"Uhm, yeah, he hates talking on the phone, as you might know... Oh you’ve never talked with him before? Oh, okay"  
  
Taeyong bit his lower lip and tilted his head, placing his hands on Jaehyun's hips. Jaehyun tried to push his hands away, because now was definitely not a good time.   
  
"Yes I.... uh, Yes I would suggest you try to find him a new therapist, since I feel like I won't be able to be objective anymore"   
  
Taeyong insisted on putting his hand on Jaehyun's belt, pulling at his slightly to bring his hips closer to his own.   
  
"Eh, ehm when did you say you were leaving for travels again?" Suddenly Jaehyun felt a hot tongue against his neck, and oh god, no, this was NOT okay. "N-Next Thursday? Uh, I'll make sure to take him home by then so you can have ah, uh, a... a talk, yes"   
  
Taeyong kissed his neck wetly, sucking and nibbling just hard enough to make Jaehyun jeans’ feel way too tight. _God this is embarrassing._  
  
"So maybe we'll talk more later then? Oh, oh yes I will probably raise the dosage of Aripiprazole he is on if he's okay with it, are you Taeyong-ah? Huh?" He said sourly, trying to get away from the hands playing with his belt buckle. _Wasn't this man a freaking virgin anyway, where did he learn to be this fucking ... seductive? Argh!__  
_  
"Anyway, this is my private number, feel free...free to call anytime. Yes, absolutely. I'm glad that you agreed to listen" Taeyong licked his neck wet like he was some kind of an animal, breathing hard against Jaehyun's ear. The older thoroughly hoped it wouldn’t be heard to the other side of the phone line.   
  
He finally got to say goodbye and threw the phone away at once, grabbing Taeyong by his waist and pulling him away from his neck.   
  
"Jesus christ, what are you doing, stupid? I was on the phone with your freaking father!!!" He sneered at the younger.   
  
Taeyong rolled his eyes. "Why would I care?" Then he continued to give small kisses on the other's jawline.   
  
"Of course not" Jaehyun sighed and felt defeated, eventually letting his hands go down to the other's hips. His eyes gazed upon the smooth skin in front of him and he really wanted to touch his flat stomach. When he realized no-one except his own cowardliness was there to stop him, he let himself free and trailed a finger from his hip to his navel.   
  
"Come on, Jaehyun" Taeyong whispered, hand's still grasping at his belt.   
  
Jaehyun didn't need more than that, as he leaned forward to kiss the younger's collarbones hard, biting down on soft skin until it reddened up. The hand lying against his stomach soon found its way up to his chest, encircling his nipples until he felt them harden to his touch.   
  
"Fuck" He breathed, moving from his collarbone to his chest, sucking and biting and completely, utterly losing his mind. It was like time was going a double time faster than normal and the temperature in the room rose by multiple degrees, making his clothes feel too tight and clammy._ I should be ashamed for being this easy to persuade_, he thought, but he simply couldn't keep his hands away anymore, not when this man was right in front of him looking and sounding and smelling so freaking good.   
  
Indeed, Taeyong was moaning breathily when Jaehyun sucked on his right nipple, left hand travelling down to his small behind to pull him closer in.   
  
The whole situation was a dreamy mayhem, really. Jaehyun still couldn’t fathom how on earth he had ended up in this situation - Licking the hot skin of his ex-client, wanting nothing else than to have him here and now and hard and hot and dangerous, fucking this volatile newbie against the kitchen countertop until he screamed his name from pleasure wanting more and more for the rest of the night, no, the rest of the week, until... God, his cock twitched in his pants from the though alone and..._  
__Dude. Contain yourself. He's unexperienced and unstable. Take it easy.__  
_ _  
_Jaehyun straightened his back and released his lips from Taeyong's flushed chest. He grabbed the back of his head instead, guiding his lips against his own, kissing him fiercely with an open mouth and an eager tongue. Taeyong tasted like toothpaste - he probably hadn't dared to open the fridge since waking up. The younger sucked his lower lip into his mouth, biting it until the hot, irony taste of blood spread over to his tongue. It felt fucking amazing.   
  
Jaehyun tried to regain control over the kiss again, angling his face better and battling the other's tongue to defeat, making the younger moan deep in his throat into Jaehyun's mouth.   
  
When he heard his belt buckle make a clinging sound he understood that Taeyong was trying to work it open, and he took it as a sign to slow it down and make sure they both knew what was happening. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss, only feeling how Taeyong's lips searched for his again, wild and hungry.   
  
"Baby" Jaehyun breathed against the other's lips, foreheads touching. "Do you even know what you're doing?"   
  
Taeyong smiled quickly and gazed upon Jaehyun under his heavy lids and long eyelashes.   
  
"Yes" He said, voice heavy and low with lust.   
  
"And you really want it? All of it? You need to tell me if there's something...." Jaehyun said hesitantly.   
  
"Shut up Jung, I want it. All" He growled before kissing Jaehyun hotly again.   
  
Jaehyun had never been this confused in his entire life. How could this... sad, tiny creature with zero actual sexual experience suddenly turn into this demanding playboy, making Jaehyun's knees weak and hands shaky?   
  
"I want you, Taeyong-ah" Jaehyun said under his breath, wrapping his arms around the other's naked back.   
  
The younger bit his lip hard enough to hurt again. "No, Jung, I want_ you_, and you're gonna give it to me"   
  
The sharp words went straight to his crotch, making him shiver from a mix of fear and excitement. _God yes_, he'd give this man everything if that's what he wanted.   
  
But he would lie if he said he wasn't feeling a little deceived by Taeyong’s fervor.   
  
"Where have you learnt to be like this? What unrealistic" Jaehyun pushed him against the couch "plastic" until Taeyong's knees hit the edge of it "tasteless porn have you watched?". Jaehyun's hand was already pulling on the other's shorts, his arousal being too overpowering to contain for longer.   
  
Taeyong grabbed the back of his neck to bring his face closer. "I've watched you" He said, in that scarily neutral way that usually made Jaehyun's hairs stand in his neck. Now, it just turned him on more, if possible.   
  
Taeyong suddenly collapsed down to the couch, dragging Jaehyun on top of him. They kissed heavily, noses red and cheeks blushing, Taeyong's hands doing their best to open up Jaehyun's button-up as fast as possible.   
  
Despite being a horny mess, Jaehyun was hesitant on how to proceed with the act. He didn't know how the silver haired man liked to be touched, IF he even liked to be touched - and it was so many years since Jaehyun had even jerked off another man so he wasn't even sure if he was any good at it anymore…  
  
Luckily, Taeyong, who was surprisingly bold for a first timer, solved the problem. After having opened up Jaehyun's shirt and more or less accidentally scratched his chest with his nails, he broke the kiss and pushed Jaehyun hard down against the floor by his shoulders.   
  
Before he knew it, the older was on his knees, between a winded, sweaty Taeyong with legs spread wide around him.   
  
Taeyong looked at him with a one eyebrow raised, breathing heavily. A slight smile played on the corner of his mouth, as he reached his hand out to grab Jaehyun's hair.   
  
"Show me" He whispered, caressing the other's hair, pulling the strands away from his damp forehead.   
"Show me what you got, Jung" He popped his finger into Jaehyun's mouth, and at once the older knew what he was asking for. With a slow, wet suck he pulled away his mouth from his finger, before focusing on the real prize before him.   
  
He swallowed his pride and his fears as he dived straight in, palming the younger's crotch through his shorts. Was he supposed to be surprised or not when he felt a rockhard bulge press against his fingers? He genuinely didn't know, since he couldn't read a thing from this man's cryptic face. At times Jaehyun believed Taeyong was two completely different persons, split into two polar opposites...  
  
Taeyong's breathy moan pulled him back to reality.   
  
He leaned in to press his face against his still clothed groin, kissing the shaft through at least two layers of textile. At once he felt his already elevated heartrate shoot through the roof, because this was something new, something exhilarating - something that shouldn’t make sense but did after all.   
  
Eventually he felt comfortable enough to continue on. After all, he had promised to make this boy happy, and he was determined to fulfil that promise on every single aspect of life, including this.   
With a hesitant hand he pulled down Taeyong's shorts (which in fact still was his own), delightedly noticing how he didn't wear underwear beneath.   
  
An already leaking redness curled up against the younger's stomach. _Fuck. Fucking hell, it's happening, it's really happening. _He gave the younger one last glance, searching for some uncertainty in the other's expression, but there was none - only heavy lidded eyes staring emptily back at him, black as the darkest night.   
  
He kissed his way up his thigh, avoiding the glued-up wound from yesterday, until he reach his hardness, licking it all the way up from the underside with a heavy tongue. Taeyong's abdominals clenched, and with a quick look Jaehyun noticed the other biting his teeth together. He slowly let the tip breach his mouth, encircling the sensitive skin just at the top in a nasty, teasing way, knowing it would drive any sane man wild. When he felt the younger's legs shudder under him, he took him in deeper, lapping the underside with his tongue. Jaehyun remembered exactly when he did this the last time – many many years ago, after a night out at the university, with a hot buff guy who didn’t speak to him ever again after that drunken night. He was nothing compared to Taeyong though - Taeyong was soft and smooth just as he was strong and fierce - his contrasts so striking it was impossible to get tired of his nuances.   
  
Jaehyun moved up and down, moaning a little deep in his throat from how fucking turned on he was. He craved for some friction of his own, but he decided to wait for further notice since Taeyong seemed to be the one in control. And for some weird reason, Jaehyun actually feared to oppose him.   
Taeyong was biting his lip and panting against gritted teeth. His hands were still in Jaehyun's hair, tugging the strands whenever he wanted the other to suck harder. Whether he was aware of it or not, his hips had started moving in an upwards motion, and since Jaehyun didn't protest it escalated further as Taeyong was closing on his high. It wasn't like Jaehyun exactly loved being hit in the throat with a dick, but Taeyong was just the right size not to dislodge his jaws, so he thought he might as well give him the chance to do whatever he liked with Jaehyun's wet and warm mouth. As long as he tried to breathe through his nose all was good, all was fine, more than fine really – fuck; he wished nothing more than to please the silver haired boy until he reached his own personal nirvana.   
  
Soon enough the younger started pulling Jaehyun's head against him in a rhythmical manner, making him taste him down to the shaft. Jaehyun felt dizzy when he realized the other was _fucking his mouth_, good God, _how proud_ he was of himself for making this beautiful, sad soul feel comfortable enough to enjoy himself.   
  
"I didn’t... ahh shit! I didn’t know you could do this, Jung" Taeyong moaned, breathing faster as he spoke. His thighs were shaking next to Jaehyun's face, and he could feel the other reaching higher up the mountain by every passing second. Jaehyun was now desperate for some physical sensation of his own so he quickly zipped up his own pants and slipped his hand in to grab himself. The wave of pleasure shooting through Jaehyun’s body forced out a pathetic, muffled moan.   
  
"I'm ... I'm, Jeez, Jung, why didn't you do this the first time we met" Taeyong threw his head back against the backrest of the couch. "I would have been calm and cured and compliant without all that bullshit talking"   
  
Jaehyun frowned at the comment, picking up speed as punishment and hollowing his cheeks as much as he could. Taeyong's grip on his hair tightened, almost to the extent it hurt, but it just egged Jaehyun on more, focusing on teasing the slit with the edge of his tongue at every change he got.   
  
"I'm.... I'm almost..." Taeyong moaned, snapping his hips erratically into Jaehyun's mouth. Jaehyun himself wasn't sure what was what anymore, since all he could feel was Taeyong's cock hitting his throat at every single trust, shaking his brain and making his vision blur. His own hand lay powerless around his own forgotten arousal. With tears in his eyes he decided that it was now or never, since he wasn't sure for how long he could physically last himself.   
  
"I'm.... Oh God, Jae?"   
  
Jaehyun's eyes went up to look at Taeyong when he heard the insecurity in the way he said his name, and for a split second he could see the younger's mask of ignorant confidence crack. "How... How should... I don't know what I..." He breathed, trembling all over. _Aww, so considerate. __  
_   
Jaehyun pulled back, silently apologizing to his jaws for this ordeal and letting Taeyong's throbbing erection leak against his chest instead.   
  
"Come over me" Jaehyun wheezed with a sore throat.   
  
Taeyong grabbed himself with a shaking hand and pumped hard. It didn't take many seconds before he released himself over Jaehyun's chest, neck and chin. The younger whimpered looking like an absolute mess with the way his hair pointed out into every direction. He fell back against the coach to ride the wave of his orgasm, somehow finding energy to kick the shorts away further.  
  
Lying naked like that, Jaehyun could see his life mapped out on his body. Apart from the partly faded cuts on his wrists he had a lot of scars on the most peculiar of places - and most of them weren't even from cuts, but from burns and blunt hits, so faint that they must have been there for many, many years.   
  
Despite his burning desire for this ethereal ice prince, Jaehyun couldn't bring himself to touch him right now. He wished he could see the boy as courageous, but pity was the only thing he felt when watching the scarring on his body. It was like a piece of art, of sort. A violent, destructive art - nothing like the ones he did on paper.   
  
Suddenly he realized how bad his knees were aching (_am I getting old, or what?_) so he decided to get up and go clean himself up. He drank some water and wiped off the stickiness with a towel before walking back to Taeyong still lying naked on the coach. Jaehyun was still wearing his shirt and his pants though zipper and buttons were almost completely undone. His erection was still painfully evident inside his jeans, but he couldn't- _he just couldn't..._   
  
"Don't" Taeyong said when he saw Jaehyun pulling his zipper back up.   
  
His husky voice sent shivers down Jaehyun’s spine. Taeyong had propped himself up on his elbows, looking dreamily at the older, who’s arms fell limply to the sides.   
  
Like a comet out of orbit he was drawn towards the sun, and one hot glance was enough to make him leave his jeans onto the floor. He melted, melted like ice on a hot summer's day, pooling around towards the deepest trench of the ocean. Taeyong's magnetic eyes drew him in, and soon he had climbed on top of him, watching his lips hungrily for an allowance to go down for a kiss.   
  
Taeyong lifted his chin up to meet Jaehyun's swollen and sore lips in a slow, soothing kiss. The older could feel the other smile against the kiss, probably pleased with what he had accomplished. Jaehyun broke the kiss to breathe, still somewhat shaky about everything that had happened just a few minutes ago. He still wasn't sure how he would deal with this tomorrow - maybe he'd regret having had sex with him this soon, maybe he'd stay in bed kissing him all day long until the need for real food forced him up, maybe he’d wake up and realize that everything including meeting the boy was just a sick dream – but whatever happened, he knew he was madly in love with him. And a small optimistic, though delusional part of his heart still believed there might be a chance that Taeyong liked him too.   
  
"You look troubled" Taeyong whispered and kissed his jaw. It was certainly a rare moment of Taeyong actually taking Jaehyun's emotions into consideration, and God, how Jaehyun felt his heart bursting from both happiness and devastation. Was loving someone really supposed to feel this tough?   
  
"You're too much, Yongie.... I feel like I'm falling to smaller and smaller pieces when I'm with you, and soon I won't be able to reassemble myself"   
  
"Then fall for me for good"   
  
"Honey, I..."   
  
They lay in each other's arms, breathing each other's air, one of them trying to make sense of the hailstorm in his mind, the other pondering whether this was worth surviving another week.   
  
Jaehyun whimpered when he felt a hand wrap around him. Taeyong's hand was cool and light, completely different from his own. Looking down at the younger's ravishing gaze, severe eyebrows and the slight blush on his cheeks was all enough to make him hard again.  
  
He wasn't sure what would become of this in the end. He was afraid of falling down a pit too deep to climb up from again. He was afraid he might lose this stormy man, just the way he lost Youngho without even having the chance to love him back. _He will be the end of me_, he thought for himself, _he will be the end of us both if I don't make it right_. All Jaehyun could do was give him his trust and unconditional love, and it wasn’t enough, there was nothing keeping Taeyong away from destruction. _I’ll have to love him right. _It was a sort of devastating thought.  
  
But Taeyong felt so right. Taeyong felt so good next to him, under him, on top of him and everywhere around him.   
  
His presence pumped up Jaehyun’s adrenaline like he was watching a sleek thriller, and his scent was as addicting as the most dangerous narcotic. Could he really have manipulated Jaehyun into this? At this point Jaehyun didn't care anymore.   
  
"Am I doing it right?" The younger asked quietly as he tightened his fist a little since the ride was finally starting to get slick and nice from precum. "I haven't done it on someone else".   
  
Of course it was hesitant, of course it was clumsy, but it was still the best Jaehyun had ever had.  
  
"It's amazing, Yongie" He whimpered with his sore throat.   
  
"Then kiss me" The younger pleaded.  
  
He didn't need to ask twice, since Jaehyun leaned down and kissed him hard with parted lips, already having forgotten the soreness in his jaws. The younger let out a satisfied moan that disappeared somewhere in Jaehyun's greedy mouth.   
  
After a while Jaehyun had to take a break to breathe due to the mind-blowing pleasure building up inside him. Taeyong had worked up his pace now, jerking him off quick and nice, making sure to rub his thumb against the slit every now and then to make Jaehyun's hips twitch.   
  
Keeping his mouth shut wasn’t an option anymore, so he buried his face into Taeyong's neck and groaned loudly against his shoulder. Eventually he bit down on his skin hard enough to know it would leave some ugly marks.   
  
But way too soon, the hand stilled. By pure reflex, Jaehyun tried to grind down for more friction, but Taeyong had withdrawn his hand. He whined miserably - he couldn't leave him like this, could he?   
  
"Jae... Jaehyunnie... " Taeyong murmured, waiting for Jaehyun to look back at him.   
Jaehyun kissed him hungrily, taking anything he could get in mere desperation, but Taeyong broke the kiss as fast as it had begun.   
  
"Taeyongie, please..." He moaned from the pain of being untouched.   
  
"Shut up" Taeyong said quietly "Why should I give you more?"   
  
Jaehyun froze. _What, why? _  
  
"What?" He said, generally speaking quite confused.   
  
Taeyong licked his lips and smiled with closed eyes. "I asked you, WHY should I give you more?"   
  
Many thoughts went through Jaehyun's mind before he picked his answer. Knowing how labile the boy was he really didn't know what the other had in mind.   
"Why?" Taeyong repeated with more volume, suddenly grabbing Jaehyun's erection hard into his palm.   
Jaehyun yelped from the sudden sensation.   
  
"Because, because, because you care" Jaehyun breathed.   
  
Taeyong opened his eyes and stared at him for a few seconds, cold and unyielding as always.   
  
"About me. You care about me" Jaehyun repeated.   
  
Jaehyun knew it was the truth. However much his former client told him that he didn't care about anything in life, Jaehyun had known it was a complete and utter lie for long already. Of course he cared.   
  
The wheel of time stopped for a while before Taeyong opened his glistening, plush lips.   
  
"Yeah. I do. " He simply said.   
  
Jaehyun's heart was beating so fast he almost didn't comprehend when Taeyong ordered him to turn around.   
  
He found himself lying on the couch with Taeyong climbing on top of him, straddling his hips down. The younger straightened his back, revealing himself in all his glory as he pulled his hands through his own hair.   
Jaehyun grabbed his hips with both hands, pulling him down against his crotch to get that sweet pressure.   
  
"Yongie, you're so beautiful" he said, "It's a crime to keep someone as beautiful as you inside four walls"   
  
Taeyong smiled before he started to grind down on Jaehyun's rockhard erection. Gosh, Jaehyun thought he was going to break from both visual and physical stimulation.   
  
"I couldn't believe my eyes.... the... ah fuck... the first time I saw you" he continued and dug his fingernails into the soft flesh around his ischium.   
  
But then he felt Taeyong grabbing his length again, suddenly getting up to sit on his knees and aiming Jaehyun' cock at a place where it definitely wanted to be, but surely, SURELY shouldn’t be just yet.   
Jaehyun eyes opened wide as he looked at the younger spitting into his palms. "Taeyong-ah! What are you doing?"   
Taeyong looked down on him with heavy lidded eyes, coating the already wet cock under him with more saliva.   
  
"You don't want it?"   
  
"Yes! I mean, no, like, no, you're inexperienced, you cannot..." He flushed by his own fumbling words.   
  
"Why can't I?"   
  
"This is going way too fast, you shouldn't.."   
  
"Watch me" Taeyong said, as he slowly sat down against Jaehyun's leaking cock. At once, Jaehyun felt an almost mind-shattering tight hotness around his tip, and he seriously thought he was about to die and go to heaven.  
.   
"HOLY FUC-" he screamed, before letting his head fall back against the couch.   
  
Taeyong balanced himself on Jaehyun's stomach as he frustratingly slowly lowered himself down on Jaehyun. Somewhere in the back of his mind Jaehyun heard Taeyong groaning, breathing out hard as he stretches himself around Jaehyun's hardness.   
  
Jaehyun's hands were trembling on Taeyong's hips, and he didn't dare to move since he was so scared he'll hurt the smaller man.   
  
"Tae..." He felt his racing heartbeat pulsate in his head, in his hands, in his lower stomach, and everything in his field of vision seemed to be shrouded by a thin veil - he had to force himself to calm down as not to lose control all together.   
  
"Damn" Taeyong said surprisingly quietly as he finally reached the base, putting all his weight onto his legs with Jaehyun buried deep inside him. He was panting hard, almost to the brink of hyperventilating, and Jaehyun prayed it wasn't because of pain. Despite Jaehyun being ridiculously slick from prolonging his release for such a long time, Jaehyun worried a lot about the lack of lube. An unpleasant thought crossed his mind. Maybe he did it for the pain as a way of getting off. _God, hope no..._   
  
He didn't have time to worry any more since Taeyong begun to rotate his hips slowly against Jaehyun's, apparently trying to get used to his girth. His mouth was hanging open and he was focusing strictly on his own hands on Jaehyun's muscular stomach, a thin string of saliva dripping down his chin.   
  
Jaehyun concentrated on looking at him as he felt an intense wave of pleasure shoot up from his pelvis to the rest of his entire body. Never had he seen anything as erotic as this wonderfully beautiful silver haired man drooling on top of him, taking him in so very well.   
  
"Baby you're hot as fuck" Jaehyun uttered.   
  
Taeyong laughed shortly and flipped his hair out of his face. He was visibly out of breath despite not even moving properly.   
  
"Hold me now, I’ll go up" He grunted and stilled his body. Jaehyun gripped his hips harder and waited for Taeyong to slowly pull back. Because of the lack of lube the glide was quite rough despite a heavy coat of precum and saliva, so the friction felt fabulously intense despite the slow and cautious motion. Jaehyun was forced to bite down on his own lip hard.  
  
Taeyong's thighs when shaking when just the tip was left in, and without much warning he went down again.  
  
"Fuck!" He whined, and continued going up and down in a slow and steady pace. "Motherfucker, Jung" 

Jaehyun lied still like he was tazed, just watching the boy on top of him doing the work for him, enjoying him to such extent it almost made Jaehyun feel proud of his physique. And Taeyong was riding him so well, like he hadn't done anything else in his life - then again, he had a photographic memory so he probably knew more than Jaehyun about the technical aspects of sex just from watching porn. But the thing he couldn't pick up from fake, unrealistic porn was the closeness, the raw emotion and affection, the fucking atmosphere of it all. The expression of Taeyong’s face was real and genuine – and 100% him. 

Jaehyun felt how his lower abdominals tightened and he was afraid he might come too soon. The other was hard again as well, and as Jaehyun kept him upright by his hips the younger could focus on touching himself while fucking down on the man beneath him. 

Taeyong was panting way too loud, probably loud enough to be heard by any neighbor who happened to sit too close to the wall, but hey, who cares?

"Jaehyun you feel fucking unbelievable but I really need more, more of you" Taeyong pleaded. 

Jaehyun clenched his jaw and nodded. Slowly, cautiously he started to rock his hips upward until he could hear the clash of their skin making an obscene sound. 

"Yes, yes, yes...." Jaehyun gritted through his teeth, because it felt damn heavenly. 

"No, MORE!" Taeyong whimpered and jerked himself harder into his fist. "Give me more for fuck's sake" 

Okay. So be it. 

Jaehyun felt lightheaded when he started snapping his hips upwards harder, eventually pounding into the other so he felt him brush past his sensitive spot (that he may or may not now that he was in possession of; Though Jaehyun suspected Taeyong had tried at least some stuff on his own considering how he didn't seem to mind being fucked hard). As expected he was tight as hell, making the squeeze around Jaehyun feel so good it almost was on the edge of turning into something painful. 

"You, hhngh, you like it, like this?" Jaehyun grunted as he watched the sweat drop down from silver strands. 

Taeyong's eyes rolled back as he tried to remember how to breathe. 

"GOD, yes, Jaehyun, Jae, Jaehyun-n-n-nie" he cried. 

Taeyong was a mess, shaking all over as he did his best to keep his balance and that certain angle hitting the right spot. He couldn't touch himself anymore, so Jaehyun freed his right hand to grab hold of Taeyong to stroke him.

For some reason Jaehyun wanted Taeyong to ejaculate all over him again more than what he wanted to get his own release. He loved seeing this relentless man so vulnerable, so open, giving himself to his therapist-whatever without further questioning. God, he should have fucked him at his parents place when he had the chance; that would have been so risky and deliciously taboo. 

Taeyong was wild, screaming Jaehyun's name at every other thrust, pathetically trying to muffle his own screams against his arm. 

Jaehyun knew the other was close again, and he desperately wanted to see the other's face while coming for the second time this evening. He focused on doing a few really solid thrusts while working Taeyong’s length in his hand until he saw the boy writhing from pleasure. It wasn’t long before he reach the edge, diving head first into a pool of liquefied ecstasy. 

Tears fell down his face as he came over Jaehyun's stomach, and the sight of it all, the spectacular, wild and raw beauty of the nearly convulsing man on top of him was enough to bring Jaehyun to cloud nine as well. 

Jaehyun saw the stars through his ceiling and for a few seconds he was afraid he might pass out. He came deep inside Taeyong and the impact of his release was so significant he thought he was going to cry as well. He wanted to cry because of how much he adored the boy, but also from the fear of there being a catch with it all since everything was happening way too fast.    
  
Taeyong collapsed on top of him, breathing loudly in Jaehyun's ear. 

The sound was soothing, so Jaehyun decided not to dwell deeper into his personal struggle with the morals of their situation tonight _ . I might as well enjoy the moment. He deserves it as well.  _

Taeyong rolled off Jaehyun and went to sit on the floor next to the couch instead. Jaehyun was way too tired to do anything about the mess they’ve made, so he decided to close his eyes for a few minutes. He was on the brink of falling asleep when he felt a soft kiss on his lips. 

He slowly opened his eyes and saw Taeyong sitting on the floor right next to him. 

And here came the catch. 

Lee Taeyong wasn't perfect. No-one is ever perfect, and Jaehyun of all people should have known this.    
Taeyong was still stick, no matter how hard Jaehyun had tried to deny it from himself. 

The younger had picked up something from the floor, and Jaehyun instantly recognized it as a small foldable pocketknife. 

With a disturbing smile on his lips the younger cut his wrists and grabbed hold of Jaehyun before he even had time to react. With a quick move he had immobilized Jaehyun's arms under him. Jaehyun tried to scream but no sound managed to escape his lips, and Taeyong quickly sliced the small knife across Jaehyun's left wrist and right forearm, letting hot blood run down over the couch.    
  
The younger let the knife fall down behind the couch with a clang. Then he reached out for Jaehyun's bleeding left arm and carefully laced their fingers tightly together so that it was impossible to distinguish whose blood was whose. 

The silver haired man's intense gaze stunned the therapist completely.    
  
Taeyong leaned down to kiss his lips softly one more time, and a glimpse of fear was evident in his dark eyes - or was it just Jaehyun's own reflection? 

"I love you Jung Jaehyun. Let's die together now and forever" Taeyong said with a coy smile.    
  
  
  
_ What have I done? _   



	12. Epilogue

It didn’t end all too bad, eventually.   
  
After the pocketknife incident, Jaehyun managed to call the ambulance while Taeyong was being delirious on the floor, rolling in his own blood. He had managed to slice the arteries on both sides but Jaehyun saved him by compressing both wrists hard with a ripped t-shirt. Jaehyun’s wrist was bleeding profoundly but the dark color of the blood indicated it luckily was only venous.   
They both got stitched up at the emergency (Taeyong was taken in immidiately for vascular surgery while Jaehyun had to wait for at least 3 hours before getting stitches done), though Jaehyun got to go home afterwards while Taeyong was taken in to the ward for blood transfusion.  
  
Since Taeyong had attempted both suicide as well as homicide, he got taken into the psychiatric ward for later assessment. Jaehyun tried his best to defend his lover by telling the cops that the cuts on Jaehyun’s arms hadn’t been intentional, but obviously they didn’t believe him since the wound on his left arm was so cleanly cut along his wrist.   
  
The cops?   
  
Jaehyun told the police pretty much everything. _I mean,_ there’s no use in lying to the cops. Eventually Taeyong’s parents also heard the truth, and pleaded to (as well as probably bribed) the Police Department not to spill the story to the media. Jaehyun thanked them later for their efforts to avoid a scandal since it obviously would have affected Jaehyun negatively too. The incident resulted in Jaehyun losing his license for at least a one-year period, but his boss was kind enough to let him stay at her department to do some research instead (Taeyong later pointed out that he was a shitty therapist anyway).   
  
Taeyong got taken in to the psychiatric ward, and the doctors there changed his medication completely and did some profound diagnostic testing on him, finally confirming the diagnoses Jaehyun had made as well. Jaehyun had been too blinded by love to realize that Taeyong’s medication was off balance, so eventually he blamed himself for the incident since he had failed to do his job properly. They decided to keep Taeyong at the hospital for over 2 months. Jaehyun brought him cake for his 23. Birthday.   
  
Jaehyun came to pick him up the day he got discharged from the hospital. Taeyong, who also had managed to gain weight during his stay, smiled timidly when walking up to Jaehyun’s car outside the hospital. Taeyong’s mood was finally better, though he still struggled with strangers and public spaces. Overall he seemed more relaxed, and his smiles came easier than before.   
  
Jaehyun embraced him tightly, hugging him so hard the younger squealed. Of course he had visited him many times during his hospital stay, and they texted every day, but Jaehyun still missed him like crazy.   
  
“Let’s go home, baby” Jaehyun said before kissing him softly, still standing on the parking lot outside the hospital.   
  
Taeyong kissed him back with half-closed eyes.   
“My home?” He asked when they pulled away.   
  
“No, my home” Jaehyun replied. “Unless you want to go to your parents place, of course”  
  
“I’m fine with that as long as don’t leave me ever again”  
  
“Hey, I didn’t leave you – the hospital refused me!” Jaehyun chuckled and opened the car door to the passenger seat.   
  
  
  
Jaehyun was a little nervous when they stood outside the door to his small apartment. If Taeyong was about to stay with him for a longer period he would need to search for a bigger apartment. Mr. Lee had even offered to help with the rent in case they moved together.   
  
“I have a surprise for you” He said with his keys still in his pocket.   
  
“Oh? Did you get me those new markers I asked for?”   
  
“Yes, I did. I also bought you a whole lot of paper. I don’t have a kitchen table anymore due to all your stuff. But that’s not the surprise”   
  
“Did you get me a job already?” The boy said somewhat distressed.   
  
“No, silly. That one you’ll have to get yourself”   
  
“What is it then?”   
  
Jaehyun smiled and took the keys out to open the door.  
  
The moment the door opened a high pitched barking was heard through the hallway, and a small hairy puppy came running towards them clumsily with its way too big paws.   
  
Taeyong’s mouth fell open as he crouched down to welcome the small dog.   
  
“Oh my god you got me a dog?” He whimpered.   
  
Jaehyun laughed and tried to push both of them in towards the apartment so that he could close the door behind them.   
  
“I hope you like her. I’ve tried to housetrain her for a week but-…”   
  
Taeyong stood up again and turned towards Jaehyun, grabbing his face to kiss him hard on the mouth.   
  
“Thank you, Jaehyun, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you” He said before kissing him again.   
  
Taeyong later named the puppy Ruby.   


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you <3  
Superglue really is the shit


End file.
